That’s it. It’s time. Less than a month until the Olympics. Time to quit messing around and start taking a good hard look at some sexy athletes. Twist my arm, I’ll do it. To make it easy for you, fair and interested reader, I’ve compiled a scientifically accurate list of the top women I think we should keep our eye on this winter. Shall we begin?
10. The bronze statue of the naked male hockey player in front of the Gay Pride Olympic House
Ah, crap. I’ve already screwed this up by not picking a woman and almost writing the word penis. Someone thought it would be a good idea to have a guy wearing only a helmet, gloves and skates-and holding a stick (not his stick…a hockey stick) in front of the Pride House. I’d have picked a woman, but they didn’t ask me. I don’t think it reminds me of classic Greek sculpture, but they didn’t ask me. Let’s move on. I’m queasy.
9. Biathlete Kati Wilhelm, Germany
She’s a sergeant in the German Armed Forces and a former Olympic cross-country skier. The German media have christened her "Rotkäppchen" (Little Red Riding Hood) because of her fiery-red hair and the red cap she uses in competition. She’s got multiple Olympic and World Championship medals and she’s my favorite for this strange combination of gliding through the countryside and shooting things.
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8. Skeleton Mellisa Hollingsworth, Canada
This sport is for crazy people and she seems like the right woman for the job. She’s a rodeo-enthusiast from Alberta and has 13 years worth of experience under her belt. She’s the first Canadian woman to win a medal for the skeleton and the home crowd will be cheering her on as she goes 80 mph and pulls 5Gs on essentially a thick lunch tray with some handles.
7. Figure skater Kim Yu-Na, South Korea
By the numbers…age 19. 2009 World Champion. 2009 Four Continents Champion. Three-time Grand Prix Final Champion. Record holder for the Short Program. Record holder for Free Skating. Record holder for Combined Program. First female to surpass the 200-point mark. First female to receive to receive +2.20 in jumps. Just give the gold medal to her now-save everyone else the nerves and Hamel-camel falls.
6. Short track Speedskater Wang Meng, China
It’s speed skating so anything can happen. If a couple of women round those tight corners and don’t wipe out brutally, chances are Wang Meng will be in the lead. She was a gold medalist in Torino and since 2006 she’s been the best female skater in the world. She likes it fast off the track also, enjoying luxury cars and dreams of owning a $2 million Bugatti Veyron.
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5. Bobsleigh Sandra Kiriasis, Germany
Go to her Wikipedia page and it’s all gold. What’s also interesting is that a lot of those gold medals are in the two-woman sled (insert joke here). On the official website it says “Herzlich willkommen auf der Webseite des Bobteams von Sandra Kiriasis” (insert English translation here). How she gets into the bobsled, I don’t know, because she’s 6’0. Kiriasis says her favorite parts of bobsled are the fun of driving and the feeling of winning. She adds that she wouldn't stay in the sport if she weren't at the top. She’s named one of her sleds “Flying Shark” and refers to it lovingly as her baby.
4. Ski jumper Lindsey Van, United States:
Lindsey was one of the plaintiffs in the lawsuit against the organizers of the 2010 Olympics. She and other female ski jumpers claimed that their rights were being violated because only male ski jumpers were being permitted to compete in the Vancouver Olympics. The skiers lost the case and their appeal and Lindsey characterized the Canadian legal system as "weak" and said the International Olympic Committee was "like the Taliban of the Olympics.” She won a gold medal in the inaugural women's ski jumping event at the 2009 FIS Nordic World Ski Championships in Liberec and has a total of eight Continental Cup victories. Score one for sexism and think of her while the guys are jumping.
3. Snowboarder Hannah Teter, United States
At the 2006 Games in Torino, 19 year-old Hannah Teter won the gold medal in the halfpipe. Inspired after her victory, she proceeded to launch an endeavor far beyond her years. She launched Hannah's Gold, and all of her prize money from snowboarding events and proceeds from maple syrup sales (she’s from Vermont) go toward supporting an impoverished village in Kenya. She’s also worked to raise money for Darfur and other causes, and is a spokesperson for Boarding for Breast Cancer. Featured in the snowboarding documentaries, First Descent and Snow Blind she looks like the girl next door and snowboards with the best of them.
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2. Hockey player Hayley Wickenheiser, Canada
She’s the Queen Bee of her team with the distinction of MVP at the 2002 and 2006 Olympics. She’s 30 years old and shows no sign of slowing down. Sports Illustrated just named her number 20 of the top 25 toughest athletes in the world. She was also on the 2000 Team Canada softball team and you might have seen her as a CBS analyst at the Beijing Olympics.
1. Skier Lindsay Vonn, United States
She’s the World Cup champion and has shattered records becoming the most triumphant woman skier in U. S. history. But don’t think it’s going to be a cakewalk. She was at the 2002 and 2006 Olympics and is still looking for that first Olympic medal and at the recent alpine World Cup she crashed three gates and didn’t finish. She’ll be riding with that new art on her helmet though. Go Lindsay!
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