How to Get Over Your Cheating First Girlfriend

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There is no doubt that being cheated on will always suck, but the worst pain you can feel from infidelity is when it happens with your first girlfriend. 

Finding out it’s happened almost always ends up with a breakup which on it’s own totally fucking sucks. Shit’s going to hit the fan. Here’s how to get through it.

1. Cry a lot

Just get it all out. Have all the ugly cries in front of all the people you need to talk through this breakup with because it’s going to be long and hard, so you best get all the shitty stuff done right out the gate.

2. Agonize over whether your girlfriend is just untrustworthy or if she made a shitty (however honest) mistake.

Don’t lie to yourself. If you know in your gut that your girlfriend is okay with lying to you, you shouldn't’t stay with her.

3. Don’t hide what’s happened from any of your close friends

It will cause you more trouble than you need. Otherwise they will confront you about why you didn’t want to tell them.

4. Don’t text her

Unless you absolutely have to. We aren’t here to tell you how to live and will always support whatever feels more authentic to you, but by not texting her (or being in communication with her at all), you’ll give yourself as much space as possible to have a completely honest and separate reaction. Which means you’ll be likely to not start as much drama.

5. Write down how you feel

A wise therapist once told me that when I’m feeling too many emotions that I should start journaling to get all my thoughts out. Writing will get a lot of weight off your shoulders and it will help you organize your thoughts more easily.

6. Edit what you’ve written

Editing your thoughts is a good exercise for you. Try and draw links between things you see in your relationship, take note of trends or patterns that crop up between you two, and figure out what you think the cheating means for your future.

7. Take enough time from her, so that you can get to a place where you can think of her without being overwhelmed by emotion

You won’t be ready to talk to her or move on from it until you can take control of your emotions. If you get them out in a healthy manner, you’ll be in a better place to talk with her.

8. Once you reach the point where you aren’t crazy emotional, start to think about talking face-to-face

It’s going to have to happen, but you don’t have to rush it.

9. Once you know in your gut you can be a grown up about talking with her, then you can revoke the “don’t text her” rule, and plan a time to meet

It’s best to get into the habit of not talking to people who betray you until after you’ve completely processed the betrayal, so if you can hold out until now, you won’t be sorry.

10. Have an honest conversation

Let her talk and try and explain herself first. Once you’ve heard what she has to say, let her know what you’ve been going through. There might be tears. It’s up to you if you want to take her back, but we don’t think you should unless it was a really big mistake. If she’s a serial cheater, you don’t need that shit. If she was trashed and acted like an asshole, and is sincerely sorry, well, that’s up to you.

Briana Gonzalez lives and works in San Francisco with her girlfriend and their two pugs (Irie + Tootzy). Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.