5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Diving Into a Relationship
"I want a boyfriend soooo badly," is a phrase every gay man has uttered at some point in his lifetime. While it's true for many guys that having someone consistent to share time with will make them feel like they're living a more fulfilling life, the rest of us actually wouldn’t benefit from having a serious partner. We just feel pressure to "settle down"–especially as we age. Sometimes, it’s tough to decipher if we actually want a man to call our own, or if we feel like we should. So here are some questions, regardless of age, you should ask yourself before seriously searching for Mr. Right...
1. Are all your friends in relationships?
Whenever all the guys in my friend crew have a partner, I feel a pressure to find someone too, even though I don’t have a desire to have a serious boyfriend at the moment. My friends tend to cut back on their partying when they have a hubby at home, so suddenly, I feel like I’m "too old" to be going out because no one else in my friend group ever wants to. That’s when I feel like I should start settle down. But no–it’s a trap! You’re never too old to dance at a gay bar!
2. How’s your relationship with your friends?
Whenever I move to a new a city, I always start thinking I want a boyfriend. The reason, I’ve come to realize, is that I don’t have any local friends yet. When we don’t know anyone, it’s easier to find a guy to casually date then find a group of queer friends. If you feel like you’ve outgrown your friends, you’re in the middle of a rough patch, or you don’t have many friends, you may start believing you want a boyfriend. But the truth is you just need a few pals to hang out with!
3. Are you just horny?
Real talk: Have you ever thought you really liked a guy, and then you masturbate and immediately after you’re like, "Mehhh, maybe I don’t like him?" Think with the head above your waist, not the one below. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the desire to have a consistent sexual partner. You’re able to explore and push boundaries when you’re having sex repeatedly with someone you trust. Still, consistent sex isn’t reason enough to have a boyfriend.
4. Do you feel pressure from your family?
My mother wants grandkids, and she wants them bad. It seems like nothing is going to stop my mom until she has half a dozen Jewish rugrats scraping their knees all over the house. Because of this, I’m constantly pressured to find a partner. And when I explain to my mom that I really don’t want one, she makes me feel like that’s because I’m immature, and once I’m older, I will definitely want to have a serious, monogamous partner. Sure, she maybe right, but I’m not 100% sold. In the meantime, though, I know I definitely don’t want one, so I’m not going to let my mom (or anyone) convince me that I in fact do want a man.
5. Do you have SAD (seasonal affective disorder)?
Winter isn’t coming; she’s here in all of her merciless glory. When you haven’t seen the sun in a week and the pavement has been covered with snowy, polluted sludge, you might get depressed. Seasonal affective disorder (appropriately abbreviated as SAD) is a legitimate condition that affects 5% of the population. If you find yourself cooped up alone in your apartment, you may have a strong desire to have a man, but it may just be because you’re experiencing SAD!
