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11 Things All Bottoms Want Tops to Understand
11 Things All Bottoms Want Tops to Understand
Tops, consider this a PSA. We bottoms have been letting you get away with murder, simply because you’re in high demand. (A study I conducted in my basement has revealed that 99.9999% of gay men are bottoms.) But it’s time you stepped up your game. So here are 11 things that all bottoms want tops to know. Learn these things. Live by these rules. If you do, our panties will forever be down at our ankles.
Don’t be lazy because you’re hung
We get it. You’re hung. Congratu-freakin-lations. You still have to put in the work. Don’t assume that because you have a big meat stick that you can just lay there. (Honestly, I often prefer guys with average penises or smaller penises because they feel they have something to prove, so they work their damn asses [or d*cks] off.)
Don’t be lazy
You know what? Screw it. Regardless of penis size don’t be lazy. You should be ecstatic to be inside us. Act like it.
Great sex does not equal 30 minutes of being drilled
Switch up the speed, power, and angles. Yes, being power drilled does feel amazing. But if it’s the only thing that you do, it loses its novelty. The sensation fades away.
Use more lube
There’s no such thing as too much lube. Have a towel on the bed that you can wipe your hands with, but keep lubing up.
Warm us up
We know you get excited. We’re excited too. But you can’t just ram it in there. (Well, most of the time… Some bottoms are all reared up and ready to go. Good for them.) But as for the rest of us, you need to lick, digitally penetrate and loosen us up before you go to pound town.
Take control
It’s hot. Make us feel used. (In the good way, not the bad way.)
If you finish early, the game isn’t over
Sometimes you ejaculate prematurely. Life happens. That doesn’t mean sex is over. Eat our butts or stick your fingers in us until you’re ready to go again. Sex isn’t over just because the top orgasms.
We want to orgasm too
Again, just because you finish doesn't mean that sex is done. We want to finish too, and we expect you to help us get there.
Flex your PC muscle while inside of us
Your pubococcygeus muscle, AKA PC muscle, is the muscle you flex when you’re doing kegels. It’s the same muscle you use when you cut your stream midway through peeing. Flexing your PC muscle causes your penis to “flex” and by that, I mean move, changing its angle.
When you do that while inside of us, it feels damn good.
Just because you're on PrEP doesn’t mean we’re not wearing any condoms
We know PrEP works the vast majority of the time, but 1. We don’t know how well you adhere to your meds, and 2. we don’t want to acquire other STIs. Gonorrhea sucks. Taking antibiotics sucks. Please respect our decision to use a condom.
There are more positions than doggy style
Don’t get me wrong, doggy style feels divine. Simply amazing. But there are more positions that doggy. You don’t need to flip us around immediately, plow us for five minutes, in doggy, and then finish. There’s more to sex than that.
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Zachary Zane
Zachary Zane is a writer, YouTube influencer, and activist whose work focuses on (bi)sexuality, gender, dating, relationships, and identity politics. Check out his YouTube channel here.
Zachary Zane is a writer, YouTube influencer, and activist whose work focuses on (bi)sexuality, gender, dating, relationships, and identity politics. Check out his YouTube channel here.