7 Things to Know Before Getting Serious with a Trans Guy

A photo of a man holding a woman's hands.
Basil Soper

Trans men are all different; no two are the same. Like everyone else, trans men come from different backgrounds, and their sexual orientations and genders might have changed at some point in their lives.

They have needs sexually, romantically, and socially, which could be different from the needs of cis men you've dated. So, before you get too serious, you should learn more about being in a relationship with a trans man. Here are six things you should know!

Your identity might be affected by how people perceive you and your relationship. Some people could presume you're gay, while others might think you're straight. Your family could make assumptions about your sexual orientation because of your partner’s gender identity. It's unfair and probably untrue, but you have to learn how to handle the intolerance.

If your partner was a different gender when you started dating, you could experience a shift in your sexual identity. Either way, many people have uneducated ideas about gender, sexuality, and genitalia. Are you ready to face judgment from close friends, ex partners, and acquaintances?

Transitioning can be traumatic. Many transgender people lose contact and support from their families after coming out. While, trans men do not experience as much violence as trans women, transitioning can be dangerous. 

Trans men face the societal pressures of masculinity and fight to be perceived as "real men." Many face violence as children and teenagers inside and outside their homes.

If your man experienced trauma while transitioning, you may have to support him while he recovers. The stress associated with transitioning affects people in different ways, but a recent study found that 46% of transgender men attempt suicide.

Is he ready to be intimate with you? When dating a trans person, it’s important to figure out what may or may not cause them to feel dysphoric.

Language for body parts is different for all trans people. Try to be open to how he uses his body and please be respectful. He may want to be touched in a specific way; certain terms of endearment could validate his gender identity as well. Be compassionate and help him find confidence. 

He might have surgery while you're together. Just because you accept his body doesn’t mean he does. If your partner decides to make changes, remember it's his choice and you should support him.

Even if you’re dating a cis person, keep in mind anyone can discover new aspects of their gender identity. Some trans men fluctuate between masculine and gender-neutral pronouns; go with it and respect him.

Others may find what makes them comfortable through body language and presentation. Many trans men accredit feeling confident in their masculinity to hormone therapy. He may decide to look more like a bro or a queer or both some days; he may not shift at all. 

In summary, trans men are just like cis men; they need support, love, and compassion. Through his transition, be helpful, encouraging, and sympathetic. All men go through changes. For some men, it simply takes a little longer. 

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