American Horror Story: Freak Show is going still strong two episodes in with absolutely no signs of getting less gross and scary any time soon! We're not exactly complaining, although we are haunted day and night by Twisty the Clown. So what happened this week that we can take from the show and use to enhance our own daily lives? Let's take a look!

1. Wind-up toys don't wind themselves: Last night's episode kicked off with a young shopkeeper discovering that, thanks to Twisty the Clown, his boss's head was now shelved among the merchandise. If only this young man had realized that the clue that led him to the body - a robot wind-up toy scooting along down the floor leaving a trail of blood in its wake - was abnormal, he might have survived! One could argue that it seems unlikely the toy could possibly have sustained action long enough to leave mysteriously long blood tracks while Twisty hid carefully amongst the clown dolls, but why mention it? Lesson learned - no matter how endlessly a wind-up toy may travel, someone had to wind it up at some point, and they're probably hiding amongst the clown toys waiting to kill you. Second lesson learned; if anything has a long trail of blood behind it, just call the police. Just do that.

2. Abducting a terrifying clown as a gift for your son is ill-advised: First off, as horrible as his character is, Finn Wittrock may be my new favorite as elaborately spoiled wannabe thespian Dandy. Among many shining moments this episode, his explanation of The King and I using puppets will be hard to top. It however did not stop Twisty the Worst Clown Ever from bludgeoning him on the head and running away after Frances Conroy's character clownnaped him. Seriously, does no one notice this clown literally has another human face sewn on to his own? Ah, but Dandy survived and chased after his clown friend - not for revenge, but so he could join in the fun of torturing two young captives Twisty's been keeping in an old school bus. So whether it's because kidnapping is wrong, your child might get bludgeoned, or your child might turn out to be an evil sadist himself, don't abduct clowns. Just don't do that.

3. Pepper transcends space and time: Murphy's getting all meta-y on us this season! Actors return constantly to take on new roles on American Horror Story, but none have continued on as the same character...until now. Naomi Grossman is back as Pepper, who you will remember was a fairly recurring guest star on AHS: Asylum. If you want to get technical, this raises a lot of questions, including ones like is all of American Horror Story on the same timeline? If so, why does Pepper not age? Will she be confused that everyone around her ends up in an insane asylum in 12 years with no recollection whatsoever of this entire freak show experience? In addition to the realization that Pepper is the one and only, we did meet a new version of familiar face from last season this; Angela Bassett as a three-boobed performer accompanied by her husband, a strong man played by Michael Chiklis. Chaos has already ensued since the new due showed up, an innocent member of the freak show was murdered after a night in jail, and well, Pepper remains exactly the same through all of it.

4. Fiona Apple transcends space and time: This week as the gang tried to find a talent for Dot and Bette in the freak show it was discovered that, while Bette could barely hold a tune, Dot sure knows how to bring down a house Fiona Apple style. A rousing rendition of "Criminal" seemed to revitalize the freak show entirely, despite the fact that we are 100% sure Fiona Apple wasn't not remotely born in 1952 (and David Bowie was three, so this issue encompasses last week's episode as well). However, we're also 100% sure that AHS is not after being a triumph in historical accuracy, so we've decided to just have fun anticipating what new hit tune the girls might tackle next. Fingers crossed for Ariana Grande.

5. The Halloween episode is definitely not going to be less weird: A freak show on Halloween? Count us in! Looks like we'll also be getting some Emma Roberts action next week, as well as a brand new clown (thank goodness!). Nothing's going well for anyone, and we're totally along for the ride.

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