Within minutes of the 2013 Emmy nomination announcements the pundits were alternately praising and bemoaning the Emmy voters’ choices. Who knows what goes through the minds of an Emmy voter who doesn’t find Monica Potter’s Parenthood performance nuanced or moving enough to put her in the running, or why Julianna Margulies – the absolute anchor for The Good Wife – was snubbed. With all due reverence to absolutely worthy nominees like Kerry Washington, Amy Poehler, Laura Dern, Sarah Paulson, and many more… we thought we’d imagine what the Emmy nominees would look like if we were doing the voting.
Tatiana Maslany - Orphan Black
Tatiana Maslany is easily one of the biggest Emmy snubs of the year. She flawlessly plays several different characters – clones—on this addicting Canadian import that’s destined to be a legendary cult fave, and yet no love from the Emmy voters despite its BBC America pedigree. Don’t Emmy voters just love the BBC because it makes them feel cultured?
Monica Potter - Parenthood
Dear Emmy Voters, This is what it looks like when the most deserving nominee wins! Except, said person can't win if she's not even nominated. This season's Parenthood gave Kristina a heart-rending breast cancer storyline that Monica Potter played with nuance, grace, and humor. Monica was heads and tails above several women who made it into the Best Supporting category. Basically, Emmy voters f*cked UP! Thank goodness the folks at the Broadcast Television Journalists Association got it right earlier this summer and rewarded Monica for her work. Why would Emmy voters deny viewers the joy of seeing Monica so happy? F them.
The Entire Cast of Orange is the New Black
Yes, yes, we know! Orange is the New Black was just released on Netflix last week. It’s not eligible for the Emmys until 2014. Blah, blah, blah… We don’t care. If we were voting we’d have found a way to nominate the entire cast for everything until the end of time.
Katey Sagal - Sons of Anarchy
Who doesn’t love a leather-clad legend on a hog? From starting out as one of Bette Midler’s Harlettes in the ‘70s to her iconic comedic role on Married with Children to her badass dramatic turn on SOA, Katey has more acting chops than any of the nominated whippersnappers. Where the hell is the respect Emmy voters?
Troian Bellisario - Pretty Little Liars
While we love all of the Liars equally, for various reasons, Troian Bellisario pulled out all the stops when her typically buttoned-down control freak Spencer Hastings went batshit and entered Radley Sanitarium, and we loved it! No one has played crazy with such ardor since Mia Kirshner mastered lunacy portraying Jenny Schecter on The L Word for six seasons.
(RELATED: Hitchcock, Hot Moms and Other Reasons I'm Obsessed with Pretty Little Liars)
Arizona's Leg - Grey's Anatomy
Sure, nominating Arizona’s prosthetic leg seems insensitive, but as our friend @TweetdeGuerre
pointed out, “That leg has ruined LIVES!” Kudos are definitely in order to Jessica Capshaw, who navigated emotionally wrenching terrain this season. And her onscreen partner Sara Ramirez (Callie) also delivered some of the strongest work of her Grey’s career, but that leg… That leg was a phantom, that leg was sexy (remember the high-heeled iteration?), that leg got Arizona back in the NICU, that leg cheated, and that leg tore apart one of the most beloved lady couples of all time. That leg wins!
(RELATED: Callie and Arizona a Definitive Timeline)
Julie Benz - Defiance
Just look at Julie Benz in that outfit. Doesn’t she deserve all nominations? While we’re at it, we’re going to toss in Mia Kirchner. Mia really does deserve some sort of award for playing Jenny all those years. And as far as Julie goes, we’re so biased that we would have nominated her for No Ordinary Family, so maybe you shouldn’t listen to us.
Morena Baccarin - The Good Wife
We know! Morena Baccarin was nominated -- for playing the beleaguered wife of the treacherous Sgt. Brody on Homeland, a role we feel she plays so inconsistently that we’re bitter she took up a slot that should have gone to Monica Potter. However, she did play a sex-obsessed gold digger on The Good Wife, and her 10 minutes of screen time in that role had more meat than her entire of season of Homeland, so we’re nominating her for The Good Wife instead. TGW’s Christine Baranski landed a nod, as did the outstanding Carrie Preston, but Julianna Margulies, the show’s absolute anchor, was snubbed this year. Actually, screw it. We’re going to nominate the entire cast along with the show’s exceptional roster of recurring characters and guest stars. That includes Maura Tierney, Amanda Peet, Mamie Gummer, Audra McDonald, Stockard Channing, Christina Ricci and all of the show’s men. The Good Wife wins!
Kate McKinnon - Saturday Night Live
Comic geniuses Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy both landed noms for Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series for their hosting stints on Saturday Night Live, but really, this entire season of SNL for us has been about what Kate McKinnon is going to do next! The out player is arguably the show’s MVP whipping out topical impressions of everything from the Russian peasant woman who prayed for the meteor to hit her and Cecilia Gimenez, the octogenarian art “preservationist” who “restored” the painting Ecce Homo in her own image, to her inspired renderings of Ellen DeGeneres and Jodie Foster. She deserves all the awards! And, are you listening SNL -- she needs more screen time next season!
Holland Roden and Crystal Reed - Teen Wolf
Bear with us on this one… Teen Wolf’s Holland Roden and Crystal Reed both deserve noms for their ability to constantly save the day with help from no man while maintaining awesome hair. Teen Wolf has a lot of issues but Lydia and Allison's bad-assery makes up for more then a few of them.
Retta - For EVERYTHING
Parks and Recreation fans know what we’re talking about. Retta, who plays Donna on the hit show, has taught us how to “Treat Yo Self,” and Twitter aficionados know that her recaps are EVERYTHING! Retta wins. Period.
Thanks to Ross, Kimberly and Rebekah for your sage input!
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