Netflix’s hit show Orange is the New Black achieves that perfect blend of heart, humor, and drama while also introducing us to an irresistible cast of female characters. Rather than listing the one million reasons why you should be watching this truly entertaining show let’s take a look back on what we learned from our favorite felons (because if you haven’t watched this show yet, you might be a lost cause).
10. Don't Insult the Chef
Don’t insult the chef. If just being polite weren't a good enough reason, Red taught us to appreciate what you get. And if you don’t know who the chef is, still keep your opinion to yourself, because the only thing bloody we want on our plate is a nice raw steak.
9. Get Crafty
Sophia worked hard to become the woman she was meant to be, and she’s doesn't let prison stop her from enjoying some girly pastimes, like getting dolled up or accessorizing. Her solutions? Add some duct tape to your shower flip-flops and you’re rocking some fine metallic footwear . Also, Vaseline + Kool-Aid powder = glitter lip-gloss. Genius!
8. Throw Your Pie
Who needs pick-up lines when you have poems and pies to throw? Crazy Eyes taught us some new, if not slightly aggressive, ways to try to get the girl. Even though her delivery was off, she had some solid ideas. Try a creative nickname, such as something special your loved one reminds you of (even if it is a weed, like "Dandelion"). And once you have that down, keep the wordplay coming with some poetry. Really, when’s the last time you sat down and wrote a love letter with some cheesy metaphors in it? When all else fails, nothing says "I love you" like sacrificing your dessert to defend your lady’s honor!
7. Never Get in the Dryer
Airing out your dirty laundry can only help, right? Nothing helps rebuild trust and prove that you’re ready to turn over a new leaf like fixing a dryer together. Just don’t be the one that has to get in it.
6. Deer Love Marijuana
Deer love marijuana. This show has taught us a lot of things, and this was one is them. So, the next time you see that marijuana lover or deer lover in your life, spring this fun little tidbit on them. (Are you reading this, big brother?)
5. Grab a Maxi
When in need, grab a Maxi. We have a newfound respect for maxi pads — from shoes to face masks. Who knew those things under the sink had so many uses? And why stop there? Use them as bra stuffers, eye masks for sleeping… If you have a Sharpie, you can turn your maxi into a post-it!
4. A Screwdriver Will Do
The Screwdriver. Our ladies in orange (beige) seem to know the advantage of a sex toy, and aren’t letting their current situation get in the way of their needs. They’re willing to try veggies, tools, you name it. And we know those electric tooth brushes are probably never going to meet toothpaste.
3. Dogs Don't Catch Chickens
Dogs don’t catch chickens. Determination — that’s what catches chickens. We’ve all chased a chicken one time or another (literal or metaphorical). Whether it was to eat it to absorb her chicken powers, or because you thought there were drugs all up in there, it best to know when trying to trap the elusive “chicken” that the best tool you’ve got is determination.
2. Don't Judge
Don’t judge. Prison might not be the best place to make lifelong friend (unless you’re a lifer, then go for it). But take the time to learn how to see people for who they truly are. Crazy Eyes might come off a little strong but she is a true friend, and we're going to say she’s a sweetheart too. That older, very intense, roommate of yours isn’t as hard as she acts… And your ex-girlfriend may have just gotten smarter and hotter since you saw her last.
1. Learn to Say "I'm Sorry!"
Learn how to really say you’re sorry! On the inside talk is cheap, so making amends when you’ve messed up takes some thought and effort. The best way to say your sorry is to give the person you’re trying apologize to something they need — like Piper making lotion for Red, or punching Pennsatucky's teeth out. After all, the first step to a nice new grill is removing (or knocking out) the old teeth, right?
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