Where the Girls Are on TV: Jennifer Beals, Megan Mullally, Portia de Rossi

My life has been quite a mixed bag of boring, ever-so important outings with my mother and crippling dare-devil-like promenades into the gay bars of my tiny town. Since I last sat at my computer to write about all the important aspects of licking my television screen when I see a tiny blonde, small-breasted version of Pippi Longstocking, not much has ascended my way in terms of a life. Therefore, it's time to dissect and grapple over the girls on television.

Super sexy and you-can-dominate-me-anytime Suze Orman of CNBC's The Suze Orman Show was shy as usual when she opened up her heart light and spoke about our former beloved president George W. Bush to Women's Wear Daily:

 "You (George) blew up every single financial vessel we had and if you think you aren't personally responsible, well, the blame starts at the top. There is no higher top than you, SIR! If I were you, I would feel so absolutely horrific that I would take every penny I had and distribute it to anybody and everybody to help them in whatever way I could. You owe the American people every penny of your fortune and your family's fortune."

Well then.

The L Word's Jennifer Beals has a new gig...as a heterosexual. Whippee wahoo. She will be appearing on several episodes of Fox's hit new series Lie to Me beginning April 29. Entertainment Weekly says the lovely actress will play ex-wife of Tim Roth and mother of their daughter, Emily-blah blah blah! Whatever. R.I.P Bette Porter. Love you, bunny-bear.

Portia de Rossi's funky new candyland-esque sitcom Better Off Ted premiered on ABC Wednesday. The new half-hour comedy got high marks with some folks on my block and they usually don't go for the color-coated melee of characters that inquire into the camera lens and quirk their way into the realm of the surreal. Loved it-Jay Harrington of Desperate Housewives was super fun and Portia as his boss was super-hot. Not to mention, funny!

The clever writing for Better Off Ted reeled me in, after Portia's long legs, and I sunk into my chair with my cranberry flaxseed cookies, laughing my arse off.

On the subject of Ellen's hot wife Portia de Rossi-and when am I not on that subject?-I find her even funnier when she embarrasses Prop 8 supporters in PSA ads. Well, just take Jimmy Kimmel Live for example. In a mock Public Service Announcement, Portia apologizes to all the people she has hurt for wanting joy in her life through marrying her wife.

"When I got married, all I was thinking about was my own joy at committing to love my partner for the rest of my life. I didn't think about all the people I was hurting by getting married. That was selfish." Portia says in a perfectly serious tone, "Thanks to Prop. 8, good people will never again be subjected to the horrors of gay people getting married."

The PSA ends with the tag, "Paid for by Married Gay People who are Sorry."

No, I'm sorry, but the mass confusion around my teeny 'lil brain can't figure out for the life of me why people give a rats ass how others live. I would really hate to have that much time on my hands. What do these people do for a living? Work at AIG?

By this time we all have seen the cover of Rolling Stone magazine featuring Gossip Girl's Blake Lively and Leighton Meester mashing their tongues into each other's strawberry Lip Smacker faces. Oh, wait, that was my doodle from the phone call with my sister. "My favorite was the first one we did with the ice cream cones," Lively said. Oh, little Lively, me too.

Self-proclaimed bisexual and funny bitch, Megan Mullally and Curb Your Enthusiasm's delectable Cheryl Hines are teaming up for In the Motherhood premiering March 26, a comedy about the ins and outs of raising kids and life personified. I cannot wait for this one.

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I especially can't wait for the part when I see all the little kiddos on the screen, reminding myself again that I am alone, single and childless. But I will tune in to watch-lamenting has become a hobby to which I've grown accustomed.  

The British teen drama Skins is sailing through to the next round due to the fun dramas and the realistic storyline that follows lesbians Naomi (Lily Loveless) and Emily (Kathryn Prescott) through their trials and tribulations. Sarah Warn of Afterellen.com does an excellent recap and in depth look at the show much better than I ever could. Again, I don't do too many things well. But BBC America is planning to debut the third season of Skins in the ever-so-quick-to-get-good-lesbian-storyline-shows U.S of A this spring.

Oh, dear old Guiding Light, where hath thou put my minst lesbians? CBS is letting it all hang out while last week Olivia told Natalia about catching Doris in a (gasp) gay bar and blackmailed her with this crucifying information. I don't think Natalia appreciated Olivia being out at le gay bars without her. Me thinky not.

Katy Perry made an appearance on The Ellen Degeneres Show Thursday for a special edition to Ellen's bathroom concert series. The duo sang "I kissed a Girl" in the loo together. Ellen was making faces about kissing girls and being playful while Katy tried to gain back snippets of support from the acute loss of the old faithful lesbian fan base. 

Miss the last Where the Girls Are? Read it here!