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Where the Girls are on TV: This Week in Channel Surfing

Where the Girls are on TV: This Week in Channel Surfing

Sara Ramirez and Brooke Smith don't beat around the bush on Grey's Anatomy. Mad Men's Christina Hendricks'Playtex Bras could harness the sun's power. Olivia Wilde gets girl on girl freaky on House... and more.

Let’s not even beat around the “bush,” because Dr. Torres certainly didn’t. Not that I’m complaining in the least but what the hell happened last week on Grey’s Anatomy? Drs. Hahn (Brooke Smith) and Torres (Sara Ramirez) agreed to take their fledgling lesbian relationship sweet and slow.

During their first official date, while flirting over cocktails and crudités, the luscious newbies seemed content rounding first base and easing into second. But by the time they got back to Dr. Torres’s pad for a nightcap, hands were groping and tongues were flailing ‘round previously unexplored “vajayjays.”

So what happened to taking it slow… who gives a rat’s ass? All I care about is the fact that Grey’s Anatomy is not shying away from talking about girl-on-girl oral sex.

After her night with Dr. Hahn, Dr. Torres, who didn’t feel comfortable with her skills below the Mason Dixon Line, begged Mark Sloan (Eric Dane) to go down on her to show her how it’s done. I’m sure there will be plenty of feminists out there bitching about the fact that Dr. Torres went to a man for advice on how to please a woman. But I say, any guy willing to teach his ex-lover how to please her new lesbian lover is all right in my bedtime book of naughty tales. The sight of a newly confident, educated Dr. Torres ripping off her shirt and commanding Dr. Hahn to take off her pants was well worth it. Slap a giant “S” across Mark Sloan’s chest; he’s earned it!

From Supermen to Mad Men, this one’s for fan Beckster. It seems I’ve been remiss about the stylish AMCtelevision drama. At Beckster’s request I decided to give Mad Men a try. No traveling below the Mason Dixon line in this vintage series; however, teased hair, scotch on the rocks and Playtex bras have never proved more fun.

Since this was my first viewing, I’m trying to navigate my way through the plot and learn the show’s characters, but so far January Jones as Betty Draper is my favorite. This gorgeous, bored suburban housewife is a mess. Upon finding her eight-year-old daughter smoking in the bathroom, Draper was more concerned that the girl would set the house ablaze than she was with the idea of her child inhaling poisonous carcinogens and damaging her lungs.

And what did mommy dearest do to teach her baby about the perils of lighting up? She stuffed the little darling in the hall closet! Fabulous! Those zany mom’s of the '60s -- if we only knew now what they knew then, huh?

Joan Holloway’s hair is an absolute work of art. Halloway, played by Christina Hendricks, has the biggest, most erect boobs I’ve ever seen thanks to her archaic polyester Playtex brassiere. Her hair and breasts seem to be rivaling for the number one spot -- my money’s on the latter though. These hooters could either wipe out or feed a small village. It all depends on how optimistic you choose to be.

Nonetheless, what fun it was to see Holloway from behind pouring cocktails in her tight little skirt, and the profile of her gargantuan breasts snuggly bound by her purple sweater was simply entertaining. I’m still learning Beckster and I promise to keep tuning in to your favorite show. Thanks for the advice. Hey, you’re a Mad Men fan, you tell me… what’s the likelihood of a couple of these bored suburban housewives getting it on while their chain smoking, hair-gel obsessed husbands “work late” at the office? Any chance of seeing some gal on gal canoodling while the moms wait for their oatmeal cookies to bake?

Call me delusional and accuse me of basking in feelings of grandiosity, but I would like to think that my many months of bitching about the lack of girl-on-girl action on the medical drama House was single-handedly the reason we finally got to see “Thirteen” bang some broads last week.

It certainly was a banner week for lesbos and the doctors they can’t get enough of. After months of lesbian innuendo and jabs at her bisexuality, primarily instigated by Dr. House, “Thirteen,” played by Olivia Wilde, was finally given the chance to loosen up her bra strings for some good old fashioned, American girl-on-girl lovin. All I have to say is, it’s about time!

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Who isn’t wild for Wilde?

Those eyes, that long, dark hair, her sleepy “please nail me” bedroom voice… it’s all been for naught and a complete waste of numero uno, top grade smokin’ ass.

That is until last week. What an amazingly tawdry treat it was to see Thirteen and her anonymous girl toy, played by Helena Barrett, throw one another around in bed.

There’s a reason for Thirteen’s lust, however, which is leading her down the nefarious road of late nights at the bar, drugs, drinking and anonymous sex.

Thirteen is having a hell of a time dealing with her Huntington’s disease, a genetic and terminal illness. Of course she’s down in the dumps; after all, the good doc only has about ten years before the disease kills her. Wouldn’t you drink excessively, try Ecstasy and have lots of casual sex with women whose names you failed to get before bringing them back to your place? Actually, who needs a genetic illness -- that sounds like any typical Friday night at the club.

Here’s the thing, I could care less that Thirteen spent an entire episode having casual sex with more -- yes more -- than one female partner. Nor do I give a load about the show perpetuating negative stereotypes in the lesbian community or about genetic illness… I’m just so happy to have finally seen that gorgeous babe Wilde get her hot ass nailed by a girl. I’m a simple gal and these are the simple things in life I require -- not money or material goods… just some hot girl on girl action steaming up the primetime airwaves every now and then.

How I Met Your Mother may not be the most thrilling of the primetime lineup, but with Cobie Smulders as Robin and Sarah Chalke as Ted’s girlfriend Stella, there’s been enough eye candy to keep me tuned in. Regardless, the likelihood of any Sapphic action is slim to none, unless the lothario Barney, played, ironically, by real life homo Neil Patrick Harris, somehow entices Robin and another girl into a threesome. In which case, I would hope Barney conducts himself gallantly and excuses himself from the action to make a sandwich.

Gary Unmarried is entertaining, but neither interesting nor daring enough to flesh out any decent lesbian storyline. Although on last week’s episode Gary’s ex wife Allison Brooks, played by Paula Marshall, had too much to drink down at the ol’ saloon and tried to kiss Gary’s new girlfriend Vanessa, played by Jaime King. It was somewhat of a tease, considering Vanessa dodged the bullet, but ah, the memories that came flooding into my head of a Saturday night gone by were ever so nostalgic.

Not surprisingly, Grey’s Anatomy and House are the big winners this week, but real-life pseudo homo Lindsay Lohan was still heating up the Ugly Betty airwaves before America Fererra got her kicked to the curb. And I had such high hopes for her.

Miss the last "Where the Girls are on TV"?Read it here.

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