9 Republican men who defy the 'hung smile' theory with their small packages

Celebrity men frequently have us salivating over how hot they are and speculating what they may be packing, the same can’t be said for famous Republican men.

The concept of a “hung smile” is going viral right now, with people speculating that you can tell that celebs like David Corenswet, Alexander Skarsgård, and Mike Faist are well-endowed because of their magnificent smiles.

There isn’t any real scientific basis for this theory, but the internet is sure that a man’s bulge size can be judged by the way they show off their pearly white. Conservative men, on the other hand, will make you dry as a bone the second they try to smile.

A knowing smile on a sexy celebrity will have you smiling to yourself, but watching a Republican man try to morph his face from hateful scorn to a deranged smile (think of the Grinch’s creepy smile at the beginning of the story before his heart grows three sizes) when they think about taking away people’s healthcare, banning books, or ICE raids, will have you shaking in your boots.

This is the opposite of a “hung smile” — aka small d*ck energy in action.

There may be no official study showing that a great smile is correlated to a large member, but we’re pretty sure these right-wingers are proof positive that a bad smile is just a giant neon sign pointing out what they’re…lacking.

Stephen Miller

Stephen Miller

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Trump's Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller is not only short — AOC says he’s 4’10” and we know what that means — but he also has a disturbing piranha smile that is the textbook definition of the opposite of a hung smile. Plus, he’s an anti-LGBTQ+ white supremacist puppeteering the downfall of American democracy.

Mike Johnson

Mike Johnson

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If carrying water for the Trump administration and doing whatever it takes to keep the Jeffrey Epstein files from being released wasn’t enough to let us know what Speaker Mike Johnson is packing, his weasel smile would prove he only has a Vienna sausage in his pants.

Joe Rogan

Joe Rogan

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Conservative podcast host Joe Rogan may have big muscles but his smile is pure “small d*ck energy.”

Jesse Watters

Jesse Watters

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Fox News host Jesse Watters is known for making a slew of homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic, and racist comments on air. He may be more conventionally attractive than most Republican men, but it’s all covering up a black heart, and probably a small you-know-what.

JD Vance

JD Vance

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Vice President JD Vance has a smile only a couch could love.

Bill Maher

Bill Maher

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Conservative provocateur Bill Maher has been sliding further and further to the right every year. If he once possessed a “hung smile” it has since shriveled up and died off.

Elon Musk

Elon Musk

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Elon Musk, who spent the first half of 2025 dismantling democracy for the Trump administration, and is so transphobic that his own daughter disowned him, has a smile that will turn your stomach.

Tucker Carlson

Tucker Carlson

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Disgraced former Fox News host Tucker Carlson spends his days as an ultra-conservative commentator who can’t stop obsessing about Pete Buttigieg’s sex life. If his smile didn’t already give him away, constantly claiming Buttigieg isn’t actually gay is major “small d*ck energy.”

Ben Shapiro

Ben Shapiro

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If “hung smile” ever ended up in Merriam-Webster, a photo of ultra-conservative agitator and political commentator Ben Shapiro’s photo would be under the definition for whatever the opposite is.