I'm Only Attracted to Other Cis Gay Men — Am I Transphobic?

I am a cisgender gay man who has only ever dated cisgender gay men. As a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, it hurts my heart to know that my sexual and romantic relationships aren’t inclusive of the community that includes me. To say I'm ‘transphobic’ is obviously a bit extreme, but am I consciously or subconsciously perpetuating discrimination by not being sexually attracted to someone who is transgender? And furthermore (hypothetically speaking) am I doing the same by not being attracted to someone who is bisexual or black or genderqueer?

Where is the line drawn between preference and prejudice?

Being gay, I am (by definition) only attracted to a person of the same sex (which in my case happens to be men). I do not hate or bash women when I say I’m not attracted to girls, so the same principal should be applied about trans men when I say I’m not attracted to them.

But aren’t trans men…just men? The answer is (obviously) yes.

As I thought more and more about gender identity, it became glaringly obvious that the idea of "a man" is just a major social construct. But I think it’s in this social construct (no matter how shallow it seems) where my sexual attraction lies. Hell, I probably couldn’t pick a trans man out of a lineup of cis men if I tried, so it’s obviously not the physical attraction that’s holding me back. Is it the sexual aspect? If I'm being honest, I’m not sure.

I’m not sitting here saying I’m never going to be attracted to a trans man. I just haven’t been attracted to a trans man…yet. And I think it’s in this statement where the difference between preference and prejudice lies.

I am open to dating a trans man. Sure, I am attracted to the gender role society has placed on men, but that’s not to say a trans man couldn’t fit that role. Although my sexual attraction is somewhat narrowed, I would never exclude an entire demographic of people based an oppressive, overarching, and wrong stereotypes.

Everyone is beautiful, but not everyone is attracted to everyone — and that’s ok. What's not ok is when people start to group everyone of a certain gender, race, or sexuality together and deem them as collectively undateable or unfuckable. That crosses the line into conscious and subconscious discrimination.

We’ve all heard the now infamous saying "no fats, no femmes, no Asians, no Blacks." It’s blanketed, preconceived judgments like these that perpetuate stereotypes and perpetuate prejudice, and it can happen to trans people, too.

I am a cisgender gay man who has only dated cisgender gay men. I have yet to be totally inclusive of the community that includes me, but being open to the possibility of all kinds of people allows you not only to shed your life of prejudice, but also firmly plant your feet in preference.