5 Steps to Overcome Your Fear of Commitment

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Some guys aren’t made for long-term, monogamous relationships, and there’s nothing wrong with that. There is, however, a difference between not wanting a serious relationship because that type of life doesn’t appeal, and not wanting a serious relationship because you fear commitment. If you fear commitment, it’s time you got over it. Here are 4 steps how:

Step One: Identify if it’s commitment or something else
Many guys use the term “commitment” loosely. Is it commitment you fear, or was there actually something about the guy you didn’t like? Something that didn’t mesh with you. If you and the guy didn’t work for some reason, don’t blame it on commitment issues, figure out what it was that didn’t work, and use what you learned when you date the next guy.

Step Two: Get everything out of your system
You’ll never be able to commit if you have severe FOMO or if you idolize the life of your uncommitted friends. If you find yourself yearning for single life, go do it. Get everything out of your system. Sex. Drugs. Partying. Grindring. Enjoy your personal space, the ability to do what you want when you want, and the freedoms that come from being uncommitted. Do it now. Do it guilt free. One day, on your own volition, you may wake up thinking, “Eh, I kind of wish someone I cared for was lying next to me.” When you have that thought, then try being in a committed relationship. Until then, don’t waste your time.

Step Three: Understand committed does not mean forever
Committed has nothing to do with forever. Committed has to do with what you are doing right now, and what you want to be doing right now. The concept of eternity is terrifying. Recently, I had a strong urge to sleep with other people. I’m happily in a committed relationship, and have been for a while now, and I’ve never had this urge (outside the normal realm of, s/he’s cute, I wonder what it would be like sleeping with him/her.) What changed? I realized things were going very well, almost too well, and I actually might end up marrying this person. Then I had the thought, “Wow. Am I really going to be sleeping with this one person for the rest of my life?” That thought bummed me out. So my partner and I discussed it.  We realized two things. One: in the present time, all I want is to be with my partner. Two: Who knows what will happen in the future. Maybe we’ll open up our relationship. Maybe we’ll find a third. But right now, what I want is to be with my partner, without anyone else, so that’s what we’ll do. There’s no reason to think about the future (in this context). 

Step Four: Acknowledge there is no perfect relationship and how much work a relationship takes
There will be problems. Lots of them. Insane numbers of them. They will be big. They will be small. There will be small ones that you turn into big ones. (That’s my specialty.) There will be times where it seems like there are only problems. These rough times pass, and what prevails, having someone who cares for you by your side. When times get tough, ask yourself, “Would a relationship with someone else be easier?” If you genuinely believe yes, then get out of the relationship. But if these are issues that will happen with the next person, (which is often the case with fear of commitment) then get ready to look inward and work on your own personal issues.  

Step Five: Commit
There are only two real risks of trying. One: Getting your heart broken. Two: Breaking the heart of someone you care for. Both are awful. Both are part of living. Both you'll move on from.