I get it. You have a friend. He’s kind of cute and likes men. I too, am kind of cute, and like men as well. That doesn’t mean we should “totally go out.” It doesn’t mean we’re going to like each other. It means we both like men and happen to look slightly above average. That’s all. So please, straight people, get your shit together and stop trying to set us up with every gay man you know.
Here are things to avoid saying (as well as believing) when talking to a single gay/bi friend about relationships.
1. Don’t assume we’re struggling to meet other gay/bisexual men
Don’t get me wrong, we might be, and if so, we’ll let you know. But we have avenues of meeting other gay/bisexual men in real life.
2. Understand that we care more than about looks
Just because he’s cute doesn’t mean we’re going to work out. Believe it or not, we sometimes like guys for their personality.
3. We might be, dare I say it, happy being single
We’re not all lamenting the fact that we don’t have a committed hubby. Some of us actually don’t want commitment. Some of us actually like being single.
4. “Are you thinking about marriage, now that it’s legal?”
*Heart starts racing. *Palms start sweating.* I don’t know. It was a huge step forward for the LGBT community when same-sex marriage became legal in all 50 states, and I couldn’t be happier to have the option, but I don’t know if I actually want to get married.
5. “So should I tell him you’re a top or bottom?”
Woah, okay. So you know that’s not the first thing we say when we meet another gay man in real life? (Even though it might be on Grindr...) First of all, I’m verse. And at the risk of misrepresenting the queer male community, it honestly seems like most men are vers (although men typically do have a preference).
6. “There are plenty of fish in the sea.”
Anyone who says this has never gone finishing. While there may be plenty of fish, that doesn’t mean you catch every one. There’ve been plenty of times I went fishing for hours and not had a single bite, let alone a catch. Just because they’re plenty of men in [enter urban gay metropolis here] doesn’t mean they’re all right for me.
7. “Do you think you’d want kids?”
KIDS? DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST BRING UP KIDS? I HAVE NO IDEA. PLEASE LEAVE.
8. “Isn’t dating fun?”
Nope.
9. “What I would give to be single.”
You know you can be, right? You can call up your partner and break up with him/her right now if you actually wanted to be single. But, you don’t. So please stop pretending you wish you were in my shoes because you could easily take the heels right off my feet.
10. “It must be so much easier dating other men.”
What? Why would it be easier? We’re just as complicated as women. I can’t tell if you’re offending women with that statement, men, or both.
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