For trans folks lucky enough to be invited to Holiday gatherings, there are many issues to navigate before seeing family. Here are some tips to help you prepare for family-holiday-madness. 

1. Decisions, decisions...

For some it’s easier and safer to not come out to certain family members. Before the holidays, you should decide whether or not to come out to your family. If it feels right, then do it. You could email or call your family first and talk about it before you see them in person. You don't have to share every detail. If you are bringing home a partner, discuss how you'll talk about your relationship, or show affection with each other.

2. Be prepared

If you come out to your family during the holidays, have support available. Some of your family members could react negatively; don't engage with them. Think about the potential questions your family could ask and create some elevator speeches. If things get too invasive, kindly set boundaries with Uncle John by saying you aren’t interested in discussing how you find dates. They will probably misgender you; be kind, tolerant and understanding. Correct them but don’t polarize them unless they are intentionally being disrespectful.

3. Smile

Family dynamics can be bizarre. It's not always easy but if you can find the humor in unfavorable situations, it will help you get through the holidays. Laugh at the fact that your aunt asked you if you were straight now. Giggle at your drunk uncle who keeps calling you "man," "bro," or "dude" to affirm your masculinity. When your grandma calls Caitlyn "Bruce," just smile and say, "Caitlyn Jenner, yep she's great." 

4. Affirm yourself

You could wear your binder, get a new haircut, or buy a fancy new skirt. Show up in something that makes you feel great about yourself and your gender identity. It's important to feel good in a situation that has the potential to be uncomfortable.

5. Breathe

Everyone needs space at family gatherings. It's ok to step back. Stepping outside or going somewhere alone can be calming, and sometimes end uncomfortable conversations. Pretend to make a phone call, or offer to make runs to the store for necessities. 

6. Have a back up

If the situation becomes too difficult or you feel unsafe, you should leave. Tell a friend you could need a place to stay if your family dismisses your feelings.