Everything you need to know about dental dams, according to experts

For those of us lucky enough to get sex ed in school, you may have experienced putting a condom on a banana, but it’s unlikely dental dams were ever mentioned, let alone demonstrated.

This lack of education, combined with the misconceptions about Sapphic sex we’ve all been inundated with in popular culture — that we’re doing it for men and that scissoring is either an urban legend or our number one sex act — means that we’ve all missed out on realistic depictions of queer women getting busy and the best ways for LGBTQ+ people sporting vulvas to practice safe sex.

Although dental dams have been used to prevent STIs since the 1980s, most women — even queer women — have no idea how to use them or how to introduce them in the bedroom. So, to help us demystify the dental dam, PRIDE spoke with certified sex expert Isabelle Uren, certified sexuality educator and coach Cady Moore, and Ed Buhler, PhD and director at the sex toy shop Bodyjoys.

What is a dental dam and why is it important to use one in the bedroom?

In case you don’t know, a dental dam is a thin piece of latex (or polyurethane if you have a latex allergy) designed to prevent sexually transmitted diseases. In a nutshell, as Moore tells PRIDE, you stretch it over your partner's naughty bits before oral sex to “help protect against STIs, thus keeping your oral adventures spicy *and* safe.”

Uren agrees but says that dental dams aren’t just good for oral; they can be used for rimming or other anal play too. She also explains that dental dams should always be used if you are “not exclusively fluid bonded” with your sexual partner or are having sex with someone who doesn’t have a current negative STI screening and warns against having sex with someone who has an active infection even with the use of a dental dam as “no barrier method is 100% effective.”

“It's a common misconception that STIs cannot spread through oral sex,” Uren explains. "In reality, most STIs can be transmitted through oral sex. They also protect against the transmission of bacteria during rimming. Some people might also prefer to use a dental dam to receive oral sex while menstruating.”

How do you use them and during what activity?

Dental dams are perfect for oral sex on vulvas or for rim jobs or during menstruation — or any old time really. Luckily, the ultra-thin membrane is incredibly user-friendly. All you need to do is place the dental dam over your partner's vulva or anus, covering the full area so that all of their body fluids are trapped underneath

“Place it over your partner's anus or vulva, making sure it covers the full area so any body fluids will be trapped under the sheet. Hold the dental dam in place so it doesn't slide out of position. You can then perform oral sex as you would usually. If you notice any signs of damage during use, throw the dental dam out and get a fresh one,” Uren says.

Tips for first-time users

If you’re new to dental dams, there are a few tips to keep in mind. Always use a new dental dam, and be sure to only use one side. Adding a drop of lube — avoid using oil-based lubes that can degrade the latex; instead, use water-based or silicon-based lubrication — for extra sensation. If you’re turned off by the smell and taste of latex, try flavored dental dams. And if you’re nervous about using one with a partner, practice by using one during solo play first.

“Many people hesitate when it comes to oral dams, thinking they might hinder the experience or be difficult to apply,” Buhler says. “In reality, though, oral dams are incredibly simple to use. Just apply them over the area of choice, and get to work giving your partner a sensual experience that’ll rock their world. And to really enhance the sensations, add a little water-based lube behind the dam.”

How do you introduce their use into your bedroom activities with your partner?

When using dental dams for the first time with a new partner, it’s best to bring up the topic outside of sex, but Buhler says that there is never one “perfect moment to broach the subject.” Instead, bringing it up in a “casual, light-hearted manner” can help.

Moore agrees, “Whenever I work with clients who are looking to incorporate something new into the bedroom, I suggest that they propose it as something new to try together, keeping it casual and confident. Something like: ‘Hey, I’ve been wanting to try this—wanna experiment together?’ (because safer sex is a team sport). You can even make it playful by picking flavors together or turning it into a sexy little demo.”

In a pinch can you use a condom instead?

If you're in the mood, but don't have a dental dam handy, you can use a condom instead! It's really easy: Take the condom out of the wrapper. Cut off the tip and slice down the length of the condom. Unroll and voilà. A home made dental dam.

Tried dental dams, but they’re not your thing? Try fun flavored versions or use Lorals instead — they’re cute undies made out of latex, so they look sexy while protecting your lady bits.

Is it common for people to use dental dams?

According to a 2022 study by the International Journal of Women’s Dermatology, only 10% to 15% of women use dental dams during oral sex, and that number is even lower among women who exclusively have sex with women. Buhler says his own experience as the director of Bodyjoys backs up that data. “I can only judge from the amount we sold over time and based on this I would say they become more popular but are by no mean mainstream yet.”

Moore says that dental dams should be more popular than they are. “Honestly, dental dams aren’t nearly as popular as they should be (like pineapple on pizza—controversial but underrated),” she says. “Most folks don’t use them *because they don’t know they exist*. But hey, you’re ahead of the curve now, so start spreading the gospel of oral safety!”

Experts cited:

Isabelle Uren, Certified Sex Expert & Site Manager at Bedbible

Cady Moore, AASECT-Certified Sexuality Educator & Coach at Age of Sexploration

Ed Buhler, PhD and director at the sex toy shop Bodyjoys