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10 Relationship and Life Lessons We Learned from Stef and Lena on The Fosters

10 Relationship and Life Lessons We Learned from Stef and Lena on The Fosters

10 Relationship and Life Lessons We Learned from Stef and Lena on The Fosters

Cue all of the emotions.


The Fosters may not have new episodes for us until the summer, but that doesn't mean we can't talk about it, damn it! This past season brought much turmoil to our fave couple, Stef and Lena, and it looks like next might not be getting any easier. But one thing we love about The Fosters is that it portrays relationships with many realistic imperfections, and while Stef and Lena certainly aren't perfect, we love them and cherish the teaching moments that pack each episode. Here are some of our favorites, and here's hoping that a less rocky summer season is on the way! (Though we doubt it...)


1. Honest communication is key

This season Stef did plenty of going around Lena's back to try and solve their problems, but everything only ended up working out when they were both on the same page. Lena felt alienated, bad choices were made, and no one was happy. So be honest, people!


2. It's important to maintain a thriving sex life. 

This season featured one of our all-time favorite Stef and Lena plot lines, which involved the two trying to figure out how to work more passionate romance back into their relationship. In the end, they do admit that sometimes it's harder for a couple that's been together for several years to still ignite the same sexy sparks, but that doesn't mean they're any less in love. Which leads us to our next lesson...


3. Cuddling is great too.

It doesn't have to be the most physically sexual relationship to intense and beautiful. 'Emotional orgasms' are totally a thing (and are our new favorite ABC Family talking point), and sometimes just holding hands, sharing a kiss, and being awesome together is enough! 


4. Fixing a sink will not fix your problems

Season 2 featured the Great Sink-Fixing Plotline of 2014, but while Stef spent nearly an entire episode trying to fix the sink, it was clear she was only using that as a way to distract herself from her own emotions. Lesson learned? Take care of yourself before your household appliances!

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5. There will be hard times, but you can get through them together. 

Okay, so this may sound cheesy, but sometimes cliches are on point! Stef and Lena had some heavy tragedies to deal with this year, and they both tried to cope alone (see: the sink debacle). Instead of running away from what was hurting them, Stef and Lena decided to make it an important part of their lives. This episode broke our hearts, but also let us know that the entire Adams Fosters family was going to come out of it alright. 


6. Take a break and have some fun! 

Sometimes you just need to take a moment to escape the confines of everyday life and explore nature with your family. Stef and Lena spearheaded a camping trip with their kids that brought them not only closer to nature, but closer together as a family. Camping's never looked so adorable. Also, three cheers once again to this episode involving Lena's attempt at twerking.


7. It's worthwhile to help your child through a poor choice instead of attacking them. 

Lord knows the Adams Foster kids are great at getting into trouble, but one of this season's best mom/kiddo moments came when Lena helped Brandon recover from too many potent pot brownies without blowing up at him for experimenting with drugs. This brings them closer together, which led to the reveals of some long-awaited revelations. We love how supportive Stef and Lena are of their kids, but also that they know when to crack down and talk their kids through exactly why their choices weren't the best, whether they involve tattoos, Mariana dumbing herself down for a boy, or those darn pot brownies.


8. Take a moment to consider the consequences of your actions before jumping on an impulse. 

There is not a human being in the world who doesn't need to remember this one, and Stef and Lena are repeat offenders. The two have had a lot of really good times this season, but this could very well be a factor in some sort of season 3 downfall (*cough cough*...Monty). We're really hoping everything will turn out okay, but that's only possible if they stop making snap decisions that hugely impact their lives without every consulting their partner first. Also, please go away, Monty.


9. It's important to respectfully educate those who don't understand different identities. 

The Jude/Connor plot point this season was one of the most important (and literally historical) moments The Fosters has had, but one of its best parts came when Lena calmly explained to Connor's father that while he could shut out every boy in his son's life, ultimately it would be him who would get shut out of Connor's life. It's easy to get completely upset about others' ignorance, but a calm, informative, and emotional approach ended up keeping Connor and Jude together, and probably making a huge positive impact in Connor's relationship with his father as well. Here's hoping people really heard Lena's words and will implement them into their own lives.


10. Family is the most important thing.

It doesn't matter how that family came to be, or who it's made of (as the theme song lovingly reminds us each week), but no matter what everyone's going through, it will always be easier together. We're so glad this incredibly special show has found a home on ABC Family and gets to show the world a family and relationship that many may not be used to seeing. We love tuning in every week, even with all their bumps in the road, we totally love Stef and Lena every step of the way. And until the show returns, we always have Teri and Sherri's adorable Twitter accounts to fawn over!




30 Years of Out100Out / Advocate Magazine - Jonathan Groff and Wayne Brady

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Preston Max Allen