The Fosters has gone away till January, everyone. Last night was the mid- season finale, and I am officially more excited for its return then I am to turn 21, which says a lot about both my social life and passion for TV. Oh, I shall miss the family meals, Stef’s tearful confessions, Lena’s desperation for Stef to take marriage seriously. I’ll miss yelling at Brandon and Callie to please defuse all sexual tension and making fun of Mariana for her inability to tell a lie. I’ll miss the not-so-subtle life lessons neatly tucked into the dialogue and I’ll even miss Wyatt’s mesmerizingly luscious hair. Lucky for me, all these things were out in full force in Monday’s episode.
“I Do” spends no time dwelling on Stef’s mortality. She’s back in nearly tip-top shape, and it seems all wedding sentimentality was left at the hospital.
As Lena and Stef’s mom (played by the always welcome Annie Potts) work on preparations, Stef makes cracks about the silliness of two women getting married.
But there are bigger problems going on in Foster-ville this week. Stef admits, “I’m not looking forward to the conversation we have to have with Callie this morning.” We find out the conversation is going to be about Liam, and then we cut to the lovely, breakfast-food-filled theme song (join me everyone, ‘It’s not where you come from, it’s where you belong!’).
The scene comes back to Callie in school (Oh no! What about Liam? When will these mysteries be revealed?), whose luck seems to be on an unfortunate downward spiral as Wyatt tells her he’s moving to Indiana with his mom.
Brandon, who’s back with Talya, catches Callie brooding. It’s not Wyatt’s departure that’s got her down however, it turns out she has to decide if she’s going to go through with the pre-trial. It’ll be Liam’s word against Callie’s, and she’s not feeling super confident in her track record with these things. Callie tries to assert that as long as Liam’s new foster sister Sarah’s out of the house they’ve achieved something. Brandon tells her that now it’s her turn for justice, but she quickly dismisses him.
Back at home, Lena walks in on Stef examining her wound. Lena admits she’s nervous about Stef returning to work, and Stef dismisses Lena.
There is a TV show going on here, guys -- you can’t walk out of conversations forever.
Stef’s mom goes to see Stef’s dad, who hasn’t responded to the wedding invitation. “You need to get over yourself,” she rails as she attempts to convince him to come to the wedding. He doesn’t say yes, but he doesn’t say no.
Remember, Stef’s dad is not exactly a one-man pride parade. His attempts to de-gay Stef in her teenager-hood even contributed to her marrying Mike the first time around. To be continued...
Meanwhile, while hanging out in Jesus’ bedroom, Lexi storms out on him after he won’t have sex with her. “Lexi! Come on!” he pleads in confusion, “Come on yourself, Jesus!” is Lexi’s award-winning response. This all goes down in about one minute. Damn, Lexi, you are wasting no time.
This fleeting, random issue is overshadowed by the conversation about Liam’s trial, where a lawyer explains the near impossibility of Callie’s word about something that happened two years ago being taken seriously, especially considering her record. However, the lawyer says if Callie says the sex was consensual then it would be statutory rape, and Liam could go to jail for up to a year. “So, you’re saying that nobody would believe that he forced me to have sex, but they might believe that I did it cause I wanted to, and Liam would go to jail for that?” Callie explains for the people who need a non-lawyer-speaky version of what’s going on. Good god, is this really how the law works? Poor Callie. Maybe the law will be on her side for once?
Stef talks to Mike, who claims Ana is saying her boyfriend dropped the gun when he put his hands up. This would mean the shooting was less law-sanctioned then Stef and Mike had originally asserted. Stef reveals she saw what happened and that though he dropped the gun Ana’s boyfriend’s hands were not up.
I also finally understand exactly why last week’s cliffhanger was important, in part thanks to all of you who responded to my plea for understanding. Stef goes on to express my personal view -- she’d been shot, there was adrenaline, Boyfriend didn’t have his hands up -- Mike did the right thing by shooting him. She insists on going in and changing her statement, but there’s apparently a massive chance she’ll get fired and Mike refuses to let that happen.
Brandon attempts to comfort Callie in this rough time with the wise words, “Well, I’m sure it’s going to work out somehow.” Callie shuts him down immediately, saying her life isn’t like his and that the only way things are going to work out is if she lies.
Lena’s parents show up, and I spend far too long fangirling over the fact her dad is played by the dad from 7th Heaven. He has a name -- it’s Stephen Collins, but in my heart he’s just the dad from 7th Heaven.
In a lovely turn of ABC-ception he’s been ordained so he can officiate the wedding. Stef’s mother tries to get her to wear a dress, but a bigger issue is raised when Stef reveals she and Lena have no intention of saying vows. Stef, aren’t you taking your wedding vendetta a little far here? You are the one who proposed -- just saying.
Mariana (who I continue to like more and more) tries to comfort a nervous, conflicted Callie by explaining that the best way to deal with things is to tell the truth. “Whatever you decide, you know we’ve got you, right?” Mariana says, in a touching moment of familial inclusivity, though she finishes off with, “But I really want you to put that bastard away.” Don’t we all, Mariana.
At the big moment of trial, when asked whether or not the sex was consensual, Callie starts off with, “I know what you want me to say.” We all know where this is going. Callie explains what she knows the lawyer wants her to say, but the truth is more important to her then making sure Liam goes to jail. Then, in probably one of the more realistic and heart-wrenching moments ABC Family as a network has had, Callie explains she was raped.
If you’re for some reason reading my recaps while not ever having seen the show, allow me to urge you to watch for the sake of acting alone. Maia Mitchell deserves a lot of recognition for her layered and complicated portrayal of Callie.
Apparently, the trial was resolved really quickly, cause as Callie plays guitar on the porch, Lena and Stef discuss that maybe they should cancel the wedding after what happened, though Callie wants the distraction. “She’s such a good kid, she deserves a lot better then what she got today,” Lena says as she rants about how Callie really is a good kid and her entire situation is unfair. It took my viewing buddy friends and I a few moments to realize that the story line really had wrapped up and Liam had gone free. It feels weird to have a missed such a crucial moment in that plot, but better not to dwell on something so darkly unfortunate, I suppose.
Mariana confronts Lexi, who explains that her Abuelita in Honduras is sick, and the family is planning to see her. Keep in mind they’re illegal, but Lexi’s father claims to have a way to get there and back. Lexi tells Mariana not to tell Jesus. Apparently she hasn’t met Mariana.
At the house, Stef and her mom fight once again over Stef wearing a dress and Stef finally explodes in a very realistic reaction to parents trying to take control. Lena tries to comfort Stef, but ends up saying that if Stef doesn’t want to go through with what she keeps calling a “stupid wedding” she doesn’t have to.
In my favorite scene, Stef visits her father and explains that she’s confused over how she can be so embarrassed about a wedding to a person she loves as much as Lena. “This voice in my head keeps telling me, it’s not right, what we’re doing,” she says tearfully, and by the time she’s finished she’s not the only one in tears, I tell you. Grab some tissues. “Then I realized that voice is not mine, it’s yours, Dad,” Stef reveals. She goes on to say she doesn't want that voice at her wedding, tells her dad she doesn’t think he should come, and leaves.
This whole season Stef’s been poking borderline vicious fun at the idea of marriage, and seeing all that dissolve and wash away was so incredibly satisfying. Now Stef can actually enjoy the wedding! Now Stef and Lena can be happy! And to make things even more beautiful, when Stef returns home her mother admits she doesn’t care what Stef wears to the wedding and that, “You’re not the daughter I dreamed of, you’re better.” And damn, this episode just keeps getting better when Stef tells Lena she’d be crazy not to marry her, and then the two sleep together. Though they ‘sleep together’ in the ABC Family sense, where they hug and then we cut away to them nakedly wrapped in sheets the next morning.
But wait, there’s more! Lena and Stef announce that they want to adopt Jude and Callie! No, hold on, there’s too much happiness. Something’s going to go wrong. Something’s going to go terribly wrong. Jesus tells Lexi he knows about Honduras, and Lexi tells him it looks like they’re definitely going. Jesus tells her he’ll wait, though we soon find out that, without Lexi’s knowledge, her parents don’t actually plan on returning to America.
Callie pulls Brandon aside and thanks him for believing in her. “DON’T DO IT, CALLIE,” I literally yell at the screen since I’ve seen the promo and know what’s about to happen. Sadly, it seems television characters have not yet learned to heed my warnings and Brandon and Callie hardcore make out.
It’s Jude who walks in on the hook up, and he rails on Callie for her selfish behavior that’s probably going to get them kicked out of the house. They’re a packaged deal, and her behavior’s going to make no one want either of them. He claims Callie’s always been selfish, though she was in juvie for protecting him from their last foster father, so I’m not sure why he’s throwing this at her now.
Right before the wedding, Lena pulls Stef aside in what seems like an oddly placed sex scene, but turns into Lena making peace with marrying all of Stef, ‘the scar, the bullet, and the cop.’ At least one happy couple’s going to stay together. Maybe things won’t be so bad after all!
Then, the big wedding celebration everyone’s been waiting for begins.
It’s a beautiful wedding full of beautiful vows and all-family dances to Macklemore. The wedding’s so sweet, in fact, that you know something’s going to go wrong incredibly soon.
Callie admits to Jude that she has been selfish and won’t be anymore. After the wedding, Stef and Lena sleep peacefully (and once again nakedly) in each other’s arms.
Have I mentioned ABC Family is my new favorite network? Ah, but alas, Callie has packed her bags and sneaks out in the dark of the night. So this is what she meant by not being selfish and seeing Brandon anymore. She’s literally going to leave, unpacking her deal with Jude and letting him have the happy home she seems to feel only he deserves. She joins up with Wyatt and together they embark on his aforementioned trip to Indiana.
Now, I get that this is supposed to be a big cliffhanger for January, but it seems like an easy fix. They’ll find Callie, mend the issues, and bring her back. Or maybe that’s just what I’m hoping will happen. Maybe something hugely dramatic will go down and throw everyone for a loop. Well, we won’t know till January, will we?
While we wait for a Foster-fied resolution, there are a few ways to fill this gaping void. If you think Maia Mitchell is the most adorable thing to walk this earth (or, like, at least top five) and have a high tolerance for Disney Channel Original Musicals, check out Teen Beach Movie. Maia sings, dances, and surfs, and the insanely catchy 1960s beach-style tunes are sure to haunt you in the best possible way. If it’s a lesbian void you’re looking to fill and you haven’t watchedOrange is the New Black yet, what on earth are you watching? Get you to Netflix asap. Still, the best way to cure Fosters withdrawal is really only new episodes of The Fosters. Is it 2014 yet?
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