Penelope Cruz Takes to the High Seas in "Pirates 4?'

Thank God and his legion of lesbian Angels! Penelope Cruz is in negotiations to join Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.

Finally, a role my dreams are made of-Penelope in her tight fitting pirate gear, holding a sword, slicing down masts on a ship of gold. And then Lucy Lawless jumps into the picture, Xena wardrobe and all and the two battle it out for my unrequited love. Yes, that's an anachronism but whatever... In the end I chose neither, as I walk away waiting for Penelope to call my name in quivering despair. The alarm clock rings.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, the Oscar-nominated actress will be working again with Nine director, Rob Marshall, who is helming the fourth Pirate adventure tale. As the rival matey to Johnny Depp's Jack Sparrow, Cruz will hopefully be disobedient and inappropriately naughty. After all, there may be other first matey-ettes on board her ship, no?

Now that's one pirates booty I could handle! Sorry, that was really bad.

The Jerry Bruckheimer-produced action adventure is slated to shoot in Hawaii this summer and follows Sparrow's search for the Fountain of Youth. We may have to wait a while to see Penelope in her pirate skivvies because the film will not hit theaters until May 2011.

Can we wait that long? Hawaii anyone?

Penelope has not returned my calls to confirm she will be in the film. But I think the longer and harder I stare at the phone, the sooner it will ring.

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