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The Non-Polyamorous Dyke!

 The Non-Polyamorous Dyke!

Writer and Go Magazine Editor Diana Cage ponders her tendency toward monogamy especially when she's surrounded by infinite sexual possibilities. 'So here I am around a huge group of hot, sexy, kinky, polyamorous dykes and I feel so conservative being in a monogamous relationship. Having sex with only one person, imagine!'

Doesn't anyone justhave a girlfriend anymore?

I'm in Atlanta this week emceeing and generally having fun at a queer art and music festival called MondoHomo. I love, love, love a good homo fest. Especially when they are on the smaller side and you have a big crew of friends you roll with every night and just get to run around crazy. Everybody gets to know each other over the course of the festival and you always go home with new friendships, hookups and hickies.

This is my second year in a row at MondoHomo. Last year's fest landed me in one of those accidental lesbian relationships I wrote about recently--though I guess now that we've been together a year it no longer qualifies as an accident.

Last year I was in rare form; and by rare form I mean I was really slutty. I had just dumped my girlfriend; I was having constant phone and text sex with someone I'd had a fling with at the Dinah and still managing to survey the MondoHomo crowd wondering who'd be my next victim. I spent the first day trying to choose between two cute butches and thinking that if I couldn't make up my mind there was still time to do both. And then I landed in bed with one of the festival organizers and never got out.

So here I am back at MH only this time my hookup from last year is my girlfriend and I am happily heels over my head in love. But dyke sex can be feast or famine and when you are around tons of possexibilities it's always hard not to want to gorge yourself a little bit. Maybe that's why everyone I know is polyamorous. That way they never feel like they are missing out on anything. It's like a have your cake and eat out your girlfriend too kinda thing.


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The problem is I can't do polyamory! I've tried. I'm from San Francisco where poly is de rigeur so I have certainly had more than one girlfriend at a time. But I wasn't exactly polyamorous because I wasn't in love with anyone. I think technically I was just sleeping around.

Plus I have this little problem. When I'm in love I lean toward jealous and possessive. When I'm dating casually I will happily share. In fact I have a distinct memory of a rather put-upon former lover saying to me, "I'm only interested in dating other people because you say I should." But when I fall in love that's it. I don't even really think about other people.

But this being monogamous thing is making me neurotic. Two very attractive new friends of mine have each asked me if I had a girlfriend and then followed up by asking me if I'm monogamous. And both times I felt sort of embarrassed and guilty saying yes. I felt so weird about saying I was monogamous that I found myself skirting it a little bit saying something complicated like "Well technically we could sleep with other people but we're choosing not to right now."

That is just stupid. Sure, technically my girlfriend could sleep with someone else provided she wouldn't mind having all her dicks run through the garbage disposal.

So here I am around a huge group of hot, sexy, kinky, polyamorous dykes and I feel so conservative being in a monogamous relationship. Having sex with only one person, imagine! I would love to be the type that swings. I have all the trappings of a swinger. I'm from the Bay Area; I'm comfortable at leathersex parties, nude beaches and Tantric retreats. I know about stuff like rosebud massage. I'm friends with furries, adult babies and I like weekends at naked hot springs. But when I'm in love I'm Hopelessly Devoted To You.


Missed Diana's Last Column? Read it here.

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Diana Cage