15 Types Of Tops You Run Into At The Gay Bar

Are you looking for a #3 or a #6?

If you've been out at the gay bars, you have seen every type of top there is, the good the bad and the ugly.

Well, sometimes.

Tops may have a bad rep for being... well, somewhat nonexistent, but rest assured, they do actually exist. Despite the miracle it feels like to see one in the wild, here are 15 types of tops you can run into at a gay bar.

1. The closeted top

He's probably come with his "girlfriend" who "didn't know" he was in a gay bar. He might also like to be flirted with and flirt back, but then pretend to be "straight." That said, it's only a matter of time before he's actually pursuing you and things go in a totally different direction.

2. The party top

He's just here to have a good time. He's more than likely on at least one substance, and even if he wakes up next to you, he's probably not going to remember anything about who you are or what you did together.

3. The shy top

As much as he wants to come up to you, he's nervous. Even if he knows how to play the game, he still wants you to say hi first. He wants to know there's at least some sort of attraction before he makes a move. He's shy, and he fears rejection, but he'll probably treat you the best of the bunch.

4. The Cocky Top

This is a man who is blatantly exploiting his top privilege. He knows he’s in high demand, so he’s cocky about it (pun intended). He is a monster that needs to be stopped. Despite your desire to go home with him, you mustn’t. That will only make him worse. Don’t let his corny pickup lines and sleazy smile get to you. You are a magical bottom who deserves a goddamn Warlock to top you.

5. The Tall Top

They’re a rare breed (with some pun intended), but the tall tops are out there, and they’re good. They’re also a little dangerous, if you’re not careful, because they can be a bit addicting due to their rarity.

6. The Young Top

This guy is barely old enough to enter the bar, and there’s also a slight chance his ID is a fake. Oddly, his youth is part of his charm, and even though he hasn’t been out in the wild very long, he already knows exactly what he’s doing.

7. The Hunter Top

He may be in a couple, and the two of them might be looking for a third. Regardless, the hunter top knows exactly what he’s looking for and he isn’t willing to settle with anything less. Don’t worry about approaching him — if he wants you, he’ll come to you.

8. The Drag Queen Top

Some of the best sex I’ve ever had is with drag queens who top. I didn’t realize how prevalent drag queen tops are in the gay community, but it’s definitely more than the occasional performer, and that’s because sexual position preference has nothing to do with gender expression. Also, PSA, (and not be crass) but when drag queens untuck – and I know this from the times I’ve done drag – they often shoot the biggest loads after. (Something about the testies being tucked away for hours!)

9. The Short Top

These poor guys are always assumed to be a bottom, especially if they have a plump, bubble butt. Sadly, there’s no good way to bring up in conversation that they top without sounding super, sexually aggressive. You can’t say, “Oh, I’m actually a top,” when you haven’t reached the sexual part of the convo yet. The guy will likely be like, “Okay… well, we were just talking,” The catch 22, however, is that you can only reach the sexual part of the convo if he believes or knows that you’re sexually compatible. What is a short bottom to do?

10. The Checking-Out-All-The-Options Top

He has no intention of going home with the first, second, or even third guy he talks to. He’s all around the bar abusing his top privilege, knowing that any of the bottoms would likely go back with him at the end of the night. Another word for him is a dirty flirt.

11. The Masculine, Bearded, Daddy Top

Basic bottoms love a masculine, bearded, hairy man… and this is where I come out as a basic bottom. What is it about a bearded man that makes us weak in the knees?

12. The Femme Top

And who doesn’t love a good, smooth femme top? A pink booty-short flaunting, Marek + Richard tank top-wearing top who stomps around in heels. (Okay, maybe I’m not a basic bottom, I just like all men.) Werkkkk.

13. The Overly-Confident, Aggressive Top

He comes on way too strong, touching your butt when you definitely did not give him any consent or indication that you want him to touch you. He’s usually had one too many and is a mess of a human. Despite being the one top in the club, you still rather go home alone.

14. The Crop-Top Top

Honestly, this is the same as the femme top. I really just wanted an excuse to say crop-top top. But I love me a good top (or bottom) who likes to show a little midriff. Jonathan van Ness would definitely agree.

15. The “Verse” Top

Alright, so this is not a top you’ll be able to recognize just by looking at him. This has to do more with gay dating/sex apps. Nevertheless, I thought it worthwhile to include. He claims to be verse, but at the end of the day, when you’re both naked, he just… he can’t top. Or if he does, it’s painfully awkward… Learn from this. If you’re a bottom, embrace it honey, and be the biggest ol’ bottom you can possibly be.