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The right guy for you is out there. He’s hiding though, and he’s going to make it as difficult as possible to find him. Here are seven steps to finding Mr. Right.
Step 1: Make sure he exists
Have rom-coms screwed with your perception of real men? Nobody’s perfect. Prioritize your deal breakers, and don’t compromise. As for the rest, try be flexible when you can.
Step 2: Stop trying to find him
Yes, the paradox is real. The harder you look and the more pressure you put on finding him, the more you’re inadvertently sabotaging yourself. That doesn’t mean give up, and if there’s someone you’re captivated by, you should definitely pursue him. But the goal of going out shouldn’t be to find someone, it should be to enjoy yourself.
Step 3: Don’t let that guy who screwed you over influence how you think of yourself and others
Your ex cheated on you. He left you for someone else. He stomped on your heart with his stilettos. That’s really shitty. There’s no other word to describe it. It’s just plain shitty. But it says nothing about you and nothing about the rest of mankind. It was one relationship with one man. Don’t let him have power over you by influencing the rest of your love life.
Step 4: Get rejected
There’s nothing worse in this world than getting rejected, but you can’t let the fear of rejection cripple you. The first cut is always the deepest. Still, it does get easier to get rejected, and the quicker you get past that fear, the quicker you can open yourself up to meeting Mr. Right.
Step 5: Look up and around
Which is another way of saying get off your phone. Yes, it is possible to meet people IRL and not on Tinder, but it’s not going to happen if your eyes are glued to Grindr.
Step 6: Smile
There is nothing more attractive and magnetic than a confident smile. It draws people to you. If you’re plagued with a RBF (Resting Bitch Face), you’re going to have to work extra hard at turning that frown upside down.
Step 7: Live by the Three Second Rule
If you think a guy is cute and want to talk to him, approach him within three seconds. Even if you don’t know what to say, just go over, and at the very least, say, “Hi.” Hesitating for any longer creates self-doubt. You don’t want to give yourself any additional time to psyche yourself out with unrealistic “what ifs.”
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Zachary Zane
Zachary Zane is a writer, YouTube influencer, and activist whose work focuses on (bi)sexuality, gender, dating, relationships, and identity politics. Check out his YouTube channel here.
Zachary Zane is a writer, YouTube influencer, and activist whose work focuses on (bi)sexuality, gender, dating, relationships, and identity politics. Check out his YouTube channel here.