Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based sex and dating expert, columnist, activist, and author of 'Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto' and co-author of 'Men’s Health: Best. Sex. Ever.'
Too many gay men are size queens. They simply don’t understand the facts. It’s not about the size of your boat; it’s about the motion in your ocean. There is more to a man than his junk. But just in case you need more convincing, here are 10 reasons small penises are better than big ones.
Within the gay community, power bottoms seem to be a dime a dozen. They're fun, they're charming, and they love a good top.
That said, the tops out there seem to be dwindling, especially as men discover the joys of bottoming. When talking about the various sexual positions, the term "power bottom" gets heard relatively often, but one that doesn't get the same amount of shine is its polar opposite: The power top.
For some insight, PRIDE sat down with Dr. Michael Grey, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Board Certified Sexologist, the CEO of Grey Insight, and a graduate professor.
"There is a running joke in the gay community that there is a top shortage," he says. "How true that is remains to be seen with 'scientific data', if you know what I mean. In certain spaces, there may be this perception of power tops being rare, which can be more about dynamics in the sex pool versus actual scarcity."
Read on for what this elusive "power top" actually is, as well as some myths and facts about their role in the bedroom.
What is a power top?
Shutterstock
A power top is generally known to be a little more dominant and aggressive in the bedroom and likes to take control. They usually exude the "top energy" more than others, which basically means everyone knows their preferred role whenever they're out in the wild.
"Power tops control the pace, positions, and also project a dominant sexual energy," says Dr. Grey. "It emerged in the 90s and likely evolved in response to its power bottom counterpart, carrying a connotation of dominance, stamina, and skill."
Can power tops ever be on the bottom?
Shutterstock
They could, yes, and it's definitely possible that a power top could also be versatile, whether completely so or a top-leaning vers. Some people may think power tops who bottom aren't tops at all, but that's not a completely accurate portrayal.
"There are no rules dictating that someone needs to be only a top or only a bottom," says Dr. Grey. "It is a matter of preference, not physical or emotional limitation."
Let's talk about some other myths and facts revolving around what it means to be a power top.
Myth: Power tops have no emotional connection to sex
Shutterstock
This isn't exactly exclusive to just power tops, but a lot of gay men have no trouble separating sex and emotional connection. This heavily revolves around the hookup culture we all live in, and there's no judgment here about that. It isn't exactly untrue that power tops don't have any emotions when it comes to sex, but more so that they're far from the only ones who experience that.
"Emotional attachment is dependent on the individual, not the role," Dr. Grey explains. "Some power tops may prioritize emotional attunement, aftercare, and communication, while others may engage in more casual, detached encounters. However, someone's communication skills, personal values, and relational status are strong predictors of emotional engagement, regardless of the sexual role itself."
Fact: Power tops know how to take care of their men
Shutterstock
What's more important than the emotions is the fact that power tops tend to know how to take care of their men, whether with or without the emotional connection. They get pleasure out of watching their bottom moan, taking life's aggressions out on each other, and exploring each other's boundaries in a safe and consensual way. They know how to get down to business and they know exactly what they're doing once they're there.
"Technical skill and confidence are part of the equation, and also awareness of your partner’s responses, consent, and comfort are equally critical to the role," says Dr. Grey. "You’re more likely to have a better experience if the power top pays attention to the verbal and non-verbal indicators and adjusts their techniques. Check-ins are crucial and also more likely to be precise, skilled, and desirable."
Myth: Power tops can never be submissive
Shutterstock
In the bedroom, this is probably unlikely, but when it comes to life, however, maybe not so much. This is more likely when you're actually in a relationship with someone, but power tops are simply selective about if and when they submit to anything. In general, they like to maintain control and lead the experience, but every so often it feels just as good to let the bottom take the reins and give the power top a break.
"Flexibility in dynamics is always a possibility," Dr. Grey admits. "Dominance in a sexual role doesn’t preclude someone from enjoying a submissive experience. Some power tops may adopt the submissive position with certain people, in certain situations, or within kink play. In BDSM the 'top' or 'dominant' are not synonymous, one can be a top from a submissive headspace or a bottom from a dominant one, and there are some people who undergo training on how to be an effective, supportive, and ethical top. Sometimes that means being the submissive to learn from their dom."
Fact: Power tops enjoy exploring the power dynamic
Shutterstock
When done respectfully, power dynamics are a fun thing to explore, and power tops are all about it. When it comes to sex, they're really about the experience. That said, they're often on the hunt for someone who wants to totally submit. What's even more exciting is people who don't normally submit to anyone, but give up the control just for him (aka, power tops topping other power tops). Even though the power top is mostly about playing games, he still provides the necessary experience when the time is right.
"There is also a mutual benefit when prioritizing partner care," says Dr. Grey. "Which can increase satisfaction, deepen trust, and make sexual experiences more rewarding."
Myth: Power tops like it quick and easy
Shutterstock
Unless you're pressed for time, who actually likes it quick and easy? Yes, your power top is likely horny all the time, and that can be hard to keep up with. But, as we mentioned above, he's also all about the experience, and if you're only going to be together once, he's likely to want to make the most of it and enjoy it for himself. If your power top finishes quickly, it's likely because your hole is either too good to handle or he's not actually into you and doesn't know how else to say it.
"Several factors can influence the experience," Dr. Grey explains. "There isn’t a universal rule or preference. Some tops enjoy prolonged sessions with a slow buildup, while others prefer shorter, high-intensity encounters.
Fact: Power tops are known for lasting longer
Shutterstock
It's really one of the things power tops are known for, honestly. They're like machines. They're always ready, they're always hard, they're always down. You can be in the subway, at the movie theater, waking up, or any variation in between. He can have a quickie in any of these places if he needs to, but he'd prefer arranging something where you two can spend some time together and he can really show you what he's made of.
Even though it's a common practice, it's an equally good practice not to set this as an expectation.
"While some power tops have the stamina due to physical conditioning, or sexual experience, endurance is not guaranteed, especially if you've got that gorilla grip," says Dr. Grey. "Lasting longer depends on many different factors, such as arousal levels, physical fitness, stress, emotional state, and compatibility with the partner, not solely on being a power top alone."
Myth: Only tall men can be power tops
Shutterstock
This is kind of a struggle myth for tall men in general. Most people think tall men are automatically tops, whether in power form or normal. They think of power tops as big, muscly, rugged, and rough. Those kinds of power tops certainly exist -- but those same types of big, muscly, rugged, and rough guys can also equally enjoy being a power bottom. Shorter men are also known to pack some heat in the groin area, so if size matters, someone a little smaller might actually be better in the long run.
"The association of being tall and being a top is rooted in cultural stereotypes about masculinity, dominance, and physical size," says Dr. Grey. "You may be taller than someone, but that doesn’t make you dominant. Being a skilled, confident, and communicative sexual partner is far more relevant than your body dimensions and size."
Fact: Anyone can channel their power top energy
Shutterstock
In the end, anyone out there can channel their inner power top energy, both in and out of the bedroom. Power tops know how to command the room, attract attention, and stay in control of every situation. They're smart and they know how to get what they want. "No" is not often a word they hear, and it's usually because of their confidence and not just refusing to hear it. if you're looking to demand some respect, just tap into your inner power top.
"You are not born with a gene that determines you are a power top," says Dr. Grey. "If you like to take control, have at it. It is also not restricted to any gender, sexual orientation, or body type; what matters is the approach and the engagement between partners, and the role of a top in practice."
Our expert offers tips and tricks for how to heal an anal fissure when you're a busy bottom.
Shutterstock
You’ve probably heard someone mention anal fissures at some point in your life...
Shutterstock
...and if you’re a bottom, you may very well have already had them.
So what exactly are they? Anal fissures are small tears in the thin, moist tissue (mucosa) that lines your anus. Most (straight) people get them from very large bowel movements. But if you’re a bottom, you’re at a higher risk for them, especially if your partner is a power driller who uses his large tool tactlessly.
“While anal fissures are often associated with anal sex, they’re not exclusive to gay men,” Dr. Evan Goldstein, the leading anal health expert in the United States, tells PRIDE. “In fact, a large portion of the general population will experience either a fissure or hemorrhoid at some point in their lives. That said, among my gay male patients, fissures are one of the most common issues I treat—often tied to the mechanics and frequency of bottoming.”
Anal fissures can be incredibly painful. They can cause bleeding after you poop (and after sex). They will also randomly itch throughout the day. It’s an awkward bodily sensation to have something inside you that’s both itchy and painful. It can hurt to sneeze, laugh, walk, sit, and poop if they get really irritated.
So, here are 12 things you need to know about getting, preventing, and healing anal fissures, according to Dr. Goldstein, who has spent his entire career providing care to the gay community, and last year wrote Butt Seriously: The Definitive Guide to Anal Health, Pleasure, and Everything In Between.
1. Keep your bowel movements loose
Constipation is an anal fissure's worst enemy. The pushing and pressure from constipation can cause tears in your mucosa and rip the tears you already have further open. Make sure to stay hydrated and eat tons of fiber to avoid constipation. If that’s not enough, try over-the-counter laxatives and stool softeners.
“Over-the-counter options, like stool softeners (e.g., Colace, taken 3x/day), fiber supplements (like Metamucil), and Calmol-4 suppositories (2x/day, available at most local pharmacies) can be incredibly helpful, as well as plenty of water to supplement,” Dr. Goldstein recommends. “These form a solid foundation for at-home care, especially for individuals without immediate access to specialized treatment.”
2. Eat more olive oil
Shutterstock
As with staying hydrated and eating more fiber to help keep your bowel movements loose, consider adding more olive oil to your daily intake, as well. This is a natural laxative to help you pass your stool. Additionally, mixing in a little honey and beeswax, then heating up the mixture and letting it cool, can also be used as a topical.
According to Dr. Goldstein, eating a high fiber diet full of grains, fruits, vegetables, legumes, and seeds, plus plenty of water, “supports consistent, soft bowel movements and overall gut health” and “ adding healthy fats, like olive oil, can also help lubricate the digestive tract.”
3. Don’t hold in your poops
When you hold in a bowel movement, it will eventually come out, and when it does, it comes out more intensely, packing an even stronger punch. This can agitate the tissue and cause additional tears.
“While the healing process takes time and every bowel movement can feel like a setback, avoiding them can make things worse. Don’t hold it in; just be patient. Use stool softeners or fiber supplements regularly,” he explains.
Dr. Goldstein, who is the CEO of Bespoke Surgical and co-founder of Future Method (the first scientific, holistic, and educational brand devoted to supporting safe, healthy, and judgment-free pleasure), recommends taking two fiber capsules at night and two synbiotics every morning to help keep things moving and prevent future fissures once you’ve healed.
“It’s important to stay well-hydrated, avoid prolonged sitting on the toilet, and never strain if the urge isn’t there,” he says.
4. Make friends with aloe vera
Shutterstock
Aloe vera is a natural ingredient that helps cool and soothe the affected areas. If you can’t find an aloe plant on your own, buy some organic gel from the store and repeat every three to four hours as needed.
However, Dr. Goldstein warns that aloe should only be used immediately after a fissure occurs, before switching to other treatments that will work better in the long term. “Aloe can definitely be part of the initial care routine, but realistically, after the first 3 to 5 days of using creams or oils, the goal is to keep the area as dry as possible,” he says. “If you’re reaching for aloe, you might be better off using creams specifically designed for anal fissures instead.”
5. Use more lube during sex than you thought possible
Douse yourself in lube. Bathe in it. Dunk his whole penis in a vat of it. Lube makes his penis more slippery, which helps prevent fissures (or allows them to heal). When you have dry sex, your anus will be irritated even more.
“It’s not just about lubrication; it’s also about understanding your own anal anatomy,” Dr. Goldstein explains. “How are your muscles functioning? What’s the condition of your skin? Many people incorporate anal dilation – using dilators or cones – to help relax the muscles, improve function, and strengthen the overlying skin. Since fissures result from pressure, the goal is to reduce that pressure with plenty of lube and by training the area to better tolerate stress.”
6. Soak in a hot bath
Shutterstock Creative
As if you need another excuse to lounge about in the bath, doing so will also help you with your anal fissures. Soaking in warm water for 10 to 20 minutes a day helps relax the sphincter, thus promoting healing.
“Soaking in a warm bath, especially with Epsom salts, can help relax the anal sphincter, soothe inflammation, and promote blood flow to support healing,” he says.
7. Cool it with the bottoming for a little bit
Alas, you may have to stop bottoming for a bit until the tissue has time to heal. Even if you’re doing everything right, the constant pressure and friction from being penetrated, even when heavily lubed, will prevent the fissures from healing properly. If you do have sex, be gentle. Nice and easy.
Dr. Goldstein cautions that it’s important to spend a week using creams and suppositories to start the healing process, followed by a second week of no sex. “It’s a process, but if you go slow and do it right, the area can heal properly and reduce the risk of it happening again. Skip that step, and you risk developing scar tissue that might eventually require surgery to get you back in action,” he explains.
8. Give Botox a try, it's for more than just wrinkles
shutterstock creative
While you may think butt plugs would be a go-to treatment for loosening yourself back up while healing a fissure, but Dr. Goldstein says they can actually do more harm than good.
“Butt plugs actually put more and more pressure right at the neck of the ass where the thin part to the toy is. So, it actually does nothing to work the muscle and skin to decrease pressure. It can also increase swelling that causes hemorrhoids and fissures when pulling the fucking thing out.”
Botox, on the other hand, can be a game-changer. “It works by temporarily relaxing the anal muscles to reduce pressure and allow healing,” he says. “It typically lasts three to four months. Most patients benefit from two to three in-office rounds, paired with at-home dilation and pelvic floor therapy to reinforce the reset.”
9. Preparation H
Jenari/Shutterstock
The #1 doctor-recommended, over-the-counter medication for treating fissures (and hemorrhoids). Preparation H makes a number of products for all your anal needs. They make ointments, maximum pain relief creams, cooling gels, suppositories, medicated wipes, and anti-itch creams. (Important note: this is only a temporary fix, and please don't apply it on open wounds!
“You can absolutely grab this if you are experiencing mild symptoms or just need something in a pinch. It can work to help heal and soothe,” Dr. Goldstein says.
10. AnuSol Cream
Shutterstock Creative
Another over-the-counter medication, AnuSol Cream is an additional tool you should have in your toolbox to help treat anal fissures. Some men have better luck with it than they do with Preparation H. Again, this is only a temporary fix, and don't apply it on open wounds!
“Apply a pea-sized amount at night, in the morning, and after bowel movements as directed by your provider. This, plus Calmol-4 suppositories or similar, can really help,” Dr. Goldstein recommends. “I like dipping the suppository into the cream before putting it up your ass before bed and/or after bowel movements. This can really help more so with going to the bathroom. That’s the key – soft stools, less pressure and straining, and lubrication so you don’t tear. All this together helps the fissure to heal.”
11. Rectiv Rectal
Rectiv Rectal is a medication you can only get prescribed from your doctor. It’s an ointment, very similar in texture to Neosporin. You insert a dab into your anus every 12 hours. It helps to heal the ripped tissue with its magical, medical powers.
“I find many get headaches from it since it works not just locally in the ass,” Dr. Goldstein warns, but says, “it's covered by insurance, so many people try that first and see if it can be tolerated. It helps relax the muscles. I also use a lot of Valium suppositories to also relax the region, which allows for healing and then bottoming.”
12. If all else fails…surgery
Shutterstock Creative
If you’ve tried everything on this list and are still suffering, it may be time to look into more serious forms of intervention. “When a fissure has progressed to scarring or excess tissue, Botox alone won’t cut it,” Dr. Goldstein says. “Many people come to me after failed treatments elsewhere. In those cases, we often need to surgically remove the scar tissue to rebuild the area with healthy, pliable skin. Then we reintroduce dilation and physical therapy to maintain long-term success.”
Temptation Sundays in Las Vegas.MGM Resorts International
Summer is nearly here and Las Vegas is ready to bring the heat.
The iconic LGBTQ+ pool party Temptation Sundays is back for another sizzling year and everyone in the queer community is ready to show plenty of skin under the desert sun.
Happening now at the Luxor Hotel & Casino every Sunday until Labor Day weekend, tourists and locals can enjoy performances from RuPaul's Drag Race queens, sexy go-go dancers, electric beats from well-known DJs, and plenty of signature cocktails.
To celebrate 15 years in Las Vegas, scroll below to see some sexy photos that offer just a taste of what's in store at Temptation Sundays. Check out the official website here for more information. See you at the pool!
Colby Jaxxx is the latest gay adult entertainer to add to his impressive résumé in the erotic industry.
After winning season two of The Great BateWorld BateOff! on BateWorld, the star has been tapped to host the website's current fourth season.
"The world really needs content like this out there. I remember back in 2020 in the pandemic, I discovered BateWorld. It's been something that always keeps me grounded and a place I can escape and just let go," Jaxxx tells PRIDE.
With reality TV programs casting more adult content creators, audiences are getting to know these sexy performers beyond the steamy content they're typically known for.
"I've seen such a shift in the adult industry. A lot of people are going towards more independent filming versus studio work. That's great to see! It gives performers like me a chance to make a name and really get out there."
Since Jaxxx started his career back in 2020, the star is loving every second in the adult entertainment space and he's looking forward to what the future may hold.
"I was 21/22 when I started and I've never looked back. It's been such a blessing and such a fun ride!"
The Great BateWorld BateOff! is steaming now on BateWorld. To see the full interview with Colby Jaxxx, check out the video at the top of the page.
If fans think Bruno Alcantara has done it all, then think again.
The RuPaul's Drag Race hunk has already invited celebrities into his bed on In Bed With Bruno, but he's now taking things up a notch by offering sensual massages in his upcoming show Happy Endings with Bruno.
While attending the grand opening of The Tryst Puerto Vallarta, the handsome star gave a steamy tease as to what shenanigans are in store.
"A massage with a message! I'm so excited. The show is really about wellness and finding joy. We all go through complicated moments and challenges. Through the massage and the conversation, we explore all that," Alcantara tells PRIDE.
Many people may just typically thirst over Alcantara's gorgeous looks, but the charming model loves to get deep with people and learn fascinating stories through the art of conversation.
"I'm so happy with my guests and I'm so happy how vulnerable they're able to be. It's about how you find balance and whether you feel the tension in your body. It's nice! I'm happy."
It's also no surprise that his shows have a bit of a naughty connotation as the titles clearly reference some steamy sexual innuendos.
"What does that say about me? That's what I do! It's In Bed With Bruno, now Happy Endings with Bruno. I don't know where I'm going, but let's go with me."
Happy Endings with Bruno premieres this summer on WOW Presents Plus. To see the full interview with Bruno Alcantara at the grand opening for The Tryst Puerto Vallarta, check out the video at the top of the page.