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In the world of gay sex, there are usually three different sexual positions that come into the mix: The top, or the penetrator, the bottom, or the penetratee, or the versatile who likes it both ways.
Although each role has its own perks, hidden within them is another term that gets tossed around: A power bottom.
In general, bottoms have a lot of stigma and a lot of shame that they have to shake off by all the haters (who are often straight and closeted tops, but that’s neither here nor there.)
You may have heard the term and might not be totally sure what exactly a power bottom is, so here are some tips for you to remember what the role entails and, more importantly, what it does not.
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First of all, let’s just get the definition of a power bottom out of the way. It isn’t the same thing as being a “pillow princess,” or just lying back and receiving pleasure. It’s the total opposite, actually. Power bottoms like to run the show, and just because they’re on the receiving end of the penetration does not at all mean they’ll just lie around and take it. They control the tempo, the depth, the positions, the vocals, the everything else.
Here are a few facts and myths that come associated with the role.
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As stated above, bottoms are on the receiving end (no pun intended) of a lot of stigma and shame, particularly by those who haven’t been fortunate enough to yet understand the power of anal pleasure. Being a power bottom equates to having control and owning who you are, despite the shame and negativity you may face from others.
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Believe it or not, not every bottom is wildly flamboyant, and not every top is wildly masculine. There are a whole lot of in-betweens that make up the space and spectrum of being queer, and being a power bottom doesn’t automatically determine the masculinity or femininity of the individual. As with other areas of sex, the role is just a preference and doesn’t define anything else about the person.
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We may be hearing more about “power bottoms” these days, but the term isn’t exactly something new. In fact, some records show it might have been in use as early as the late 20th century, though the arrival of the Internet and the uptick in queer platforms in the early 2000s brought the term into a more popular and publicized light.
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Hear me out here for a second, because, yes: This term is predominately used in gay communities, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it only belongs to them. Considering what a power bottom is — someone who is in control of the intimate experience they’re undertaking — those who identify as such usually have deeper emotional or psychological needs that need to be expressed. In essence, it is basically used to describe someone who maintains their assertive and dominant behavior while being in the receptive role.
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Power bottoms are usually in a degree all on their own. They tend to come with an appetite for a lot of dick and can last for hours and hours or have multiple different sessions across the day. They are usually ready at any given time of the day and like to skip the foreplay just to get down to business. This is not automatically true for everyone who takes on the bottom role. As with anything, communication is an important factor here, but if you’re a top interested in a cute bottom, don’t automatically assume he’s a power.
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First of all, let’s be honest, this same thing can be said about most gay men, regardless of the role you take in the bedroom. That said, just because someone identifies as a power bottom doesn’t mean they’re just going to have sex with anything and everything. The identity isn’t as much about how many different partners you can have in a day as opposed to simply having the ability to stay ready at the drop of a hat. Moreover, power bottoms actually come with a high degree of self-esteem or self-worth because they totally own everything about who they are.
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One does not just enter into the world as a power bottom, even if you had the best sexual experience of your life the first time you were on the receiving end. It takes a lot of mental stamina, sometimes years of development, and it really doesn’t have anything to do with the top. Power bottoms have spent the time learning about digestive health and know the ins and outs of douching better than anybody, and it takes determination and will to be able to pull that off on a consistent basis.
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Whether you’ve ever taken on the bottom role or not, it’s pretty common knowledge that it hurts, especially the first time. An issue a lot of tops find themselves subscribing to is thinking that power bottoms don’t feel any pain just because they do it all of the time. Tops, let that go. You cannot just shove it in without any lube or stimulation. You can’t immediately start to jackhammer them and not expect them to feel anything. Regardless of how often they do it, power bottoms still need a little time to open up before they can go all in, so just explore respectfully.
