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Ted Cruz Is OBSESSED With This Democrat's Junk, We See You Girl

Ted Cruz Is OBSESSED With This Democrat's Junk, We See You Girl

(L) Ted Cruz and (R) Eric Swalwell
Lev Radin/Shutterstock; Phil Pasquini/Shutterstock

The anti-gay Republican went on a conservative podcast where we kept talking about Rep. Eric Swalwell's package.

Who had Ted Cruz talking about California Rep. Eric Swalwell’s junk on their 2023 bingo card?

Recently the Texas Senator went on conservative commentator and former Newsmax host Benny Johnson’s podcast In The Arena to talk about how “wokeness” has destroyed Washington DC and how big brands like Bud Light and Target are supposedly targeting kids with the “transgender agenda.”

The two men rode around the city in a limo railing against progressives before the conversation turned to Swalwell, a Democratic representative and LGBTQ+ ally, and how well hung he may be, according to Queerty.

Cruz began ranting about the horrors of Target selling tuck-friendly swimsuits — ones that allow trans women, drag queens, and nonbinary folks to conceal their genitalia — and making the ludicrous claim that the store was was telling “two and three-year-old boys” to “tuck their genitals under to pretend that they’re girls.”

The Republican Senator may need to start tucking because his homophobia is showing!

After this anti-LGBTQ+ tirade, Johnson asked, “Do you think that Eric Swalwell wears a tuck-friendly swimsuit?”

Cruz answered, “He may be wearing one right now… to be fair in order to have a tuck-friendly swimsuit, you have to have something to tuck.”

Johnson laughed and made a joke about Swalwell being targeted by a suspected Chinese spy before Cruz said, “You’re going to get me into trouble for that! I’m just making an observation about anatomy. Let me be clear, I’m not a biologist so how can I know?”


When two super straight and definitely not penis-obsessed men spend this much time discussing other men’s junk you have to wonder if the call is coming from inside the house.

Johnson then posted a transcript of that portion of their conversation on X (formerly Twitter) and Swalwell responded in the best way possible.

The California lawmaker took a screenshot of Johnson’s post and wrote, “Nothing to see here. Just 2 anti-gay Republicans riding around on a Friday night in a prom limo talking about my…”

While there were plenty of conservatives jumping into his comment section to spew hate, Swalwell’s followers on the app were also quick to call out the absurdity of two unabashedly anti-LGBTQ+ men talking about another man’s bulge in the same breath as condemning Target for selling tuck-friendly swimsuits.

“Imagine thinking that posting about another man’s junk on social media is some kind of hetero-flex. Epic misfire,” one person wrote.

“What heterosexual male is this invested in the swimwear and genitalia of other men? Seems suspect to me,” another follower commented.

And our favorite comment because it skewers not just Johnson and Cruz, but also House Speaker Mike Johnson, who recently admitted that he and his teenage son are eachother’s porn “accountability partners” — yes, you read that correctly. “Maybe Johnson will ask Ted to become his new porn accountability partner? They deserve each other,” someone quipped.

Republicans spout hate all day long and while sometimes it feels unending and utterly exhausting, once in while they say something so ridiculous you can't help but laugh.

30 Years of Out100Out / Advocate Magazine - Jonathan Groff and Wayne Brady

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Ariel Messman-Rucker

Ariel Messman-Rucker is an Oakland-born journalist who now calls the Pacific Northwest her home. When she’s not writing about politics and queer pop culture, she can be found reading, hiking, or talking about horror movies with the Zombie Grrlz Horror Podcast Network.

Ariel Messman-Rucker is an Oakland-born journalist who now calls the Pacific Northwest her home. When she’s not writing about politics and queer pop culture, she can be found reading, hiking, or talking about horror movies with the Zombie Grrlz Horror Podcast Network.