A Mother Always Knows

I thought I was going to lose her.  One of my greatest fears was happening and I wasn’t prepared. On January 15th, 2015, my mother had two brain aneurysms. I rushed home from Washington D.C. to New Jersey as memories of her played through my mind. I walked in her hospital room where she was hooked up to machines and IV’s, prepping for surgery the next morning. I started to cry as she looked at me and whispered, "I'll be okay."

This wasn’t the first time I sat with her in the hospital. I was ten years old when she had her first brain surgery, and the only power I had then was to pray for the best. Twenty years later, I could only do the same. The family was gathered in the waiting room during the surgery and I started to think about all the times my mother had been there for me, especially during the biggest moment of my life:  my 'coming out.'

I remember being home and telling her that I wanted to talk about something.  The dreaded moment came when I told her that I was gay. She replied saying, "I was about 95 percent sure." I giggled to myself. Like always, she knew. 

From there she assured me that she wanted me to be myself and not to worry about what anyone thought. She reminded me that she loved me and that we would tell the family gradually. Her advice helped me accept who I am today: the unapologetic black queer male that knows his mother always has his back.

Day one after the surgery, she was talking. By week one, she was walking. Four months after the surgery, she is back driving again.  I am proud to have someone as strong and courageous as my mother to show me how to give unconditional love. She knew she was going to be OK. She knew that we had nothing to worry about. Some may call her a miracle, but I have the honor to call her mommy.

Happy Mother’s Day.