If you’ve been burned by organized religion — a common experience in queer life — but still have a desire to have spirituality in your life, then witchcraft may be for you.
This is a major reason why witchcraft, tarot, and astrology are so popular in the LGBTQ+ community, but did you know that it can also be used to make changes in your dating life?
For people who have been told they are wrong or sinful for who they love, leaning into witchcraft can be a healing practice, and it can also provide you a way to have some control over your relationships or give you an avenue to pursue healing after your heart has been broken.
So to find out how you can use witchcraft in your everyday life, and why the practice can be so helpful in queer dating and relationships, we talked to Danny Santos, a gay astrologer, Shaman, and spiritual healer at Santos and the Crystal Visions; and Coby Michael, an occult herbalist, magical practitioner, operator of the shop The Poisoner’s Apothecary, and author of The Poison Path Herbal, The Poison Path Grimoire, and The Poison Path Oracle.
How can witchcraft be helpful for queer dating and relationships?
4. Cleansing after a fightBeatriz Vera/ShutterstockThere are so many queer people who have experienced religious trauma or been shunned by a religious community, so turning to something like witchcraft makes a ton of sense. “Witchcraft has been an incredible tool for myself and my queer clients because of the expansiveness, inclusivity, and open-minded approach that witchcraft and other queer spiritual practices offer,” Santos tells PRIDE.
When you consider that interest in witchcraft is usually frowned upon by organized religion, it makes even more sense that queer people would gravitate toward it. Using it to help you in your dating life or to end a relationship or save one is just a natural extension of this affinity for this specific kind of spirituality that is unconnected to a formal church.
“Witchcraft can be particularly helpful in queer relationships because it instantly brings more novelty to the relationship through shared activities, exploring new spiritual topics, or trying out new experiences,” Santos explains. “Whether it’s seeing a medium with your partner, doing a full-moon ritual and celebrating the solstice, or taking a Tarot class together, witchcraft adds a whole new level of connection and fun to any queer relationship, so long as both parties are open and interested.”
1. Cord-cutting
If you’re dealing with a bad breakup and just can’t seem to move on on your own, a cord-cutting ritual may help you get the closure you need so that you can get on with your life and start dating again. “Break-ups are never fun for anyone! I have been known to hex and ex or two, and while this can be an extremely cathartic way to channel your anger and heartbreak it’s also maybe not the most mindful and demure thing to do,” Michael says.
According to Michael, a cord-cutting ritual is used “to break energetic attachments and emotional connections with a person” and usually involves “physically cutting a cord representing your connection to a specific person.” The cord can be tied between “two candles, or two objects, one belonging to you and one belonging to the person you are cutting ties with,” or you can just tie both ends to yourself and imagine the ties that bind you to your ex.
“Cord-cutting is a simple ritual that can be performed to break energetic attachments and emotional connections with a person. It is a powerful technique for letting go and allowing yourself to move forward,” he says.
But before deciding to do a cord-cutting ritual, Santos says you should be really sure you want to sever ties with the person you’re “cutting” out of your life because it can have a real impact. “The most important thing I would like to emphasize with cord cutting is if you’re going to make a cut, be absolutely sure that you want to do it and be very specific about the intention you have for cutting the cord,” he says. “Also be sure to add safety for yourself, the other person, and anyone else involved in the situation as part of your intention. Once you’ve created a clear intention and are ready to actually make the cut, the most important part of the practice is to exercise what is known as proper severity.”
2. Reconnecting rituals
1. Cord-cuttingSantos says that reconnecting with past relationships is tricky and he only recommends it if you are sure you want this person back in your life. “Often, relationships don’t work for a reason, and it’s the red flags in the beginning that always end up being the reason you break up in the end,” he says. “Ultimately, reconnecting rituals are best done during Mercury Retrograde or in periods where one or both people has done the work to ensure that they are spiritually attuned for the union to come together under more aligned circumstances.”
While Mercury is in Retrograde or when both people are “in periods where one or both people has done the work to ensure that they are spiritually attuned for the union to come together under more aligned circumstances,” is the best time to attempt one of these rituals.
Some witchy rituals are more formal, but Santos says that doing a reconnection ritual can be much simpler and straightforward, like a meaningful phone call or meeting for lunch. “A healing and loving conversation can truly be some of the most magical and restorative medicine for everyone involved,” he says.
3. Altars for shared goals
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Creating an altar for a shared goal can be a great addition to witch queer relationships or a "fun and collaborative way to get you and your honey on the same page,” Santos says. It’s essentially a tangible way to visualize the future you want together and help you work toward shared goals and milestones.
“Whether it’s literally setting up a shared altar space with crystals, propped up Tarot cards, candles, and herbs or simply having a shared Pinterest board or vision board set up in the apartment, these are beautiful ways for the queer identity to express togetherness,” he explains.
Michael says that you should come together as partners to chose and place object that represent both of your personalities and goals. “This could be a piece of jewelry from each of you, a photo of the two of you together or objects that represent your personality,” and can also contain candles, incense, and crystals, he says.
“Your reasons for setting up an altar will also look different and could include things like strengthening your relationship, livening up your sex life, or honoring one another as spiritual beings that have chosen to walk together hand-in-hand,” Michael recommends, "Altars can also be constructed for more mundane goals such as buying a house or protecting your existing home from unwanted influences. Your altar represents the combined energy and intention of the two of you, and will act as a focal point to direct your collective energies at a specific purpose.”
4. Cleansing after a fight
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Cleansing after a fight with a friend, family member, or significant other is a practice Santos always recommends. This ritual can be simple, but it packs a wallop in terms of helping you move on and put an argument behind you.
“Anytime there is tension, an argument, or a fight, the best thing to do is literally clear the air,” he says. “Whether using something like palo santo, tobacco, your favorite lavender spritz, or showering, these are all quick ways to energetically clear your aura and reset the vibe. Drinking an herbal tea such as mint or eucalyptus can also add an extra layer of refreshment.”
Sources cited:
Danny Santos, a gay astrologer, Shaman, and spiritual healer at Santos and the Crystal Visions.
Coby Michael, an occult herbalist, magical practitioner, operator of the shop The Poisoner’s Apothecary, and author of The Poison Path Herbal, The Poison Path Grimoire, and The Poison Path Oracle.
