Tarot for sex and dating: the spreads queer people actually need

How can Tarot be helpful for queer dating and relationships?

Many queer people have the shared experience of being judged or rejected by organized religion, which is why so many people turn away from the church and toward spiritual practices like Tarot. “Tarot can be a helpful tool for navigating queer relationships because it is spiritual guidance without spiritual dogma. Anyone can read tarot, regardless of belief and identity, and yet many marginalized people find comfort and direction in spiritual tools that have also been marginalized,” Thiele tells PRIDE.

Tarot is a great thing to start incorporating into your everyday life, especially if you are looking for guidance because it “does not judge” and requires you “to be honest with yourself about what you need and how you feel,” Thiele says. “It’s a magical bestie who doesn’t sugarcoat things but does tell you what you need to hear, but through symbols, metaphors, and art. And what’s more queer-coded than that?”

But Santos warns that while Tarot can help provide you with clarity and guidance, it’s not healthy to try to control your own emotional well-being through obsessively pulling Tarot cards.

“There have been many times where I was obsessing over a guy and hoping that he would call me back, meet up for another hookup, or that we would start dating,” he reveals. “But the truth is, other people have free will and the Tarot can reflect information back to you about the situation at hand, but it’s up to the individual pulling the cards to be willing to see the truth. I do believe the cards and the archetypes behind them are rich with knowledge, guideposts, and meaning, but if you want to know if a relationship is over and you keep pulling The Devil, girl, it’s time to wake up and smell the palo Santo!”

How should you pull the cards?

There is no one way to draw cards so whether you choose the cards at the top of the deck or random ones that call to you throughout the deck, the important thing is to pick cards in a way that feels right to you.

Luckily, our experts have broken it down, so that experts and newbies alike will know what cards to pull. For every question, Santos will give you a breakdown of how many cards you need to pull and what each card represents, while Thiele simply lays out what you need to be thinking about when you pull the three cards, then you can look up the symbolism for each card you select.

Am I really ready for love?

Santos’ advice: “A simple past, present, future spread should be able to give all the information you need to know about how ready you are for love,” he says. “The first card will give a history over your dating life, the second card will show where you are at the present moment, and the third card will reveal what the result would be if you started dating or getting back into the dating game under the current circumstances.”

Thiele’s advice: “1. My heart 2. The wound. 3. The medicine”

Is this person really into me? Or is this a situationship/sex?

Santos: “For a question like this, I’d recommend the one-card pull. While the Tarot can often feel cryptic, this is the type of question where less is more, and by pulling one card, meditating with it, and using it as something to research and meditate on can be incredibly helpful.”

Thiele: “1. You, 2. Your person 3. Your connection”

Is this relationship healthy?

Santos: “My favorite spread when looking into the state of a relationship is something that I’ve invented and I teach to my students in The Foundations of Tarot. It’s what I’ve named The Cauldron. This is a 3 card spread where you pull one card to represent you in the current relationship, the second card reflects the person you’re asking about, and the third card is the energy that is created when you merge yourself and another person into one energy for a relationship.”

Thiele: “1. How you’re feeling 2. The obstacle 3. The solution”

How can we move this stalled-out relationship forward?

Santos: “To move a stalled-out relationship forward, I’d recommend the ‘Clarifier’ spread. This is a two card spread that helps get clarity on the situation at hand or what is the best course of action to take. In this instance, you can pull the first card to ask about the current state of the relationship. Then, the second card can illustrate how to move the stalled-out relationship forward!”

Thiele: “1. Where you’re stuck 2. Why you’re stuck 3. The move”

Is it time to define the relationship?

Santos: “The Window and the Door spread is an amazing tool to use for all of these questions. This is a two card spread that helps give more details into the dynamics of a relationship. The first card is reflective into the essence, potential, or the window, of what the relationship is. This card helps illustrate what is essential to be understood in order to move forward. The second card would be the doorway or the steps needed to be taken in order to make progress toward the window. We don’t always need these massive 10 card spreads - often, less is more and will tell you everything you need to know.”

Thiele: “1. The vibe check 2. The potential 3. The approach”

Is the relationship over?

Santos: “To find out if the relationship is over, I’d recommend the ‘Yes or No’ spread that a mentor taught me over 10 years ago. Begin by shuffling the cards and drawing 5 cards from the deck. The more favorable cards in the spread the more positive the outcome, and vice versa. For a quick ‘Yes or No’ without taking the images on the cards into consideration, draw 5. For every major arcana card or even number minor card, that would be a ‘yes.’ Every court card or odd numbered minor card would be a ‘no.’”

Thiele: “1. Our connection 2. What’s left 3. What next”

Sources cited:

Jezmina Von Thiele, a queer, nonbinary Romani tarot, palm, and tea leaf reader and the coauthor of Secrets of Romani Fortune Telling.

Danny Santos, a gay astrologer, Shaman, and spiritual healer at Santos and the Crystal Visions.