It’s getting colder every day, pumpkin spice lattes are everywhere, and every lesbian you know is wearing a flannel shirt and a beanie, which also means that “cuffing season” has officially begun.
This is the time of year when single people look for short-term relationships so that they have someone to cozy up with during the cold autumn and winter months and have a date to all of those holiday parties and family get-togethers.
Could you meet your true love this way? Sure. But sometimes you just pick someone you like and are attracted to so you can hunker down together, regardless of whether you’re viable long-term partners.
But is this annual trend more common for LGBTQ+ people, and do we experience it differently than our straight counterparts? To find out, we talked to LGBTQ+ dating and relationship experts Kai Korpak, a sex therapist and the assistant director at Best Therapies; Jermelle Simon, an LGBTQ+ content creator, actor, and certified personal trainer; and Sofie Roos, a bisexual licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at relationship magazine Passionerad.
What is cuffing season?
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The term “cuffing season” originated in the early 2010s and gained popularity on social media as a shortened slang version of the word "handcuff." “‘Cuffing season’ refers to the darker time of year, fall through winter, when people will seek out romantic or sexual partners during the colder months,” Korpak tells PRIDE. “The term comes from the slang term ‘cuff,’ meaning to lock down and connect yourself to someone.”
Simon agrees and says that it’s really about finding someone to ride out those cold months with. "I think cuffing season simply means, ‘it's too cold to be out in the streets, and I want a warm body to lie with,’” he says.
Is cuffing season something that LGBTQ+ folks participate in, or is it mostly a straight phenomenon?
Conversations around cuffing season on social media usually center around heterosexual people, but according to Korpak, “The desire for warmth, intimacy, and consistency during colder, darker months isn’t limited to straight folks,” and queer people also “experience the same seasonal pull toward connection that straight folks do.”
Roos says that not all queer people feel the same pull to be coupled up as straight people do, but they still crave companionship. “LGBTQ+ people tend to feel a bigger need for emotional and physical closeness when everything slows down, when the days get shorter, and it’s cold at night,” she explains.
Do LGBTQ+ people do cuffing season differently?
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The holiday season is always tough, but it can be especially hard for queer people who aren’t accepted by their families. “Cuffing season overlaps with many family-related winter holidays, which can often be a hard time for queer individuals who may feel the isolation associated with these holidays, where such a focus on family and couples,” Korpak says. “This may mean LGBTQ+ individuals leaning into the idea of chosen family and chosen connections rather than those from their family of origin.”
Roos also explains that cuffing season can look different for queer people who don’t feel the need to have exclusive connections and are more open to the possibility of multiple partners. “While straight people tend to find one partner whom they stay with during the whole cuffing season, queer folks are more inclined to have more than one person they partner up with, which makes the cuffing season more flexible and open for adaptation based on what you want,” Roos says. “And one big upside with this is that you’re at lesser risk of ending up in a situationship or where someone falls in love with the other, because you don’t spend that much time and energy into one person, but spread it out!”
What’s the best way to find someone during cuffing season?
Simon says that if you want to draw people to you during cuffing season, make sure you’re acting like the kind of person who is open to dating and connections. "And give yourself the same love you want to give out,” he recommends. “I’m not saying to not be intentional about finding a partner, but don’t want it too badly. It’s like holding on to something too tightly and having it slip out of your grip. Instead, stand still and know it’ll come to you. However, if you just want to cuff for the winter months, then be clear and tell that person."
If you’re interested in participating in cuffing season, first you should figure out if you’re looking for "sex, emotional comfort, just co-exist with someone in the same household and feel seen and needed, or are you simply looking to try something new this winter and are open to whatever happens.” Roos says.
Once you know what you want, be honest about it with other people, and get out there and start looking. “Apps such as Lex, Grindr, or Hinge can be useful tools for queer individuals to find and build community in addition to more community-based events, queer bars, or social groups where you can meet people in person,” Korpak recommends.
But also remember that just because it’s cold outside doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to settle for someone who isn’t right for you just because you’re lonely. “Cuffing season can be playful and comforting, but it’s also a good time to check in with yourself emotionally,” Korpak advises. “Wanting connection doesn’t mean settling for something that doesn’t feel right. Take your time to find a connection that feels right for all.”
Sources cited:
Kai Korpak, a sex therapist and the assistant director at Best Therapies.
Jermelle Simon, an LGBTQ+ content creator, actor, and certified personal trainer.
Sofie Roos, a bisexual licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at relationship magazine Passionerad.
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