7 beginner tips for tribbing from sapphic sex experts

1. Talk about what’s in and what’s out

Open communication is always a good idea before you have sex with someone, so ask what your partner likes and be transparent about your own needs and fantasies. This is also a great time to talk to the person you’re about to get intimate with about how they want you to talk about their body. This can be especially important if you’re sleeping with a trans or nonbinary person. “Agree on what areas are okay to touch and what areas are off limits. Use this time to ask what you should call their body parts,” Korpak tells PRIDE.

2. Don’t forget your hygiene 

Think about the fact that you’re going to be getting up and close and personal with your partner’s genital and vice versa, so you’ll want to be squeaky clean. And if you’re someone who likes to shave or wax down there, do it at least 24 hours in advance so that your skin isn’t irritated. “Take a quick pre-play shower. Use a fragrance-free cleanser, wash your hands (and under your nails) and any skin that will have direct contact with someone's genitals,” Korpak recommends.

3. Don’t get hung up on the definition

Don’t worry too much about the difference between frottage and tribbing or whether what you’re doing is considered scissoring or not. “If you’re rubbing your its and bits together in a way that feels pleasurable, that is tribbing,” Kassel says.

4. Try it with clothing on

You may think that getting naked to have sex is the best way to do it, but with tribbing, clothing can add sensations to the experience that may drive you and your partner wild. “Having fabric between your bodies can add types of pressure, texture, and friction that bare skin and pubic hair simply can’t,” Kassel says.

5. Experiment with different fabrics

Korpak recommends wearing soft underwear to reduce irritation but, but Kassel says that you should experiment with different fabrics because you find that you love the friction of a a rougher fabric or the glide of something silky. “Some people love the pressure of denim or even a zipper against their genitals,” Kassel says. "Others enjoy how silk or stretchy underwear create a slinky, glide-y feeling over the area. Experiment with different fabric, layers, and rhythms to see what feels good.”

6. Work around mobility issues

Kassel says that because you’re supposed to line up your vulvas, tribbing “can feel anatomically impossible depending on body sizes, flexibility, and strength” and “really inaccessible for people with mobility limitations or chronic pain,” but there are workarounds. Try out different positions, add in pillows or even yoga support blocks to help get your bodies to line up, and feel free to rub yourselves together lazily — no need for it to be a feat of athleticism!

“So remember: You absolutely do not need to be able to trib in order to have great sex,” Kassel reminds. "There are endless ways to have great sex—and great queer sex—that don’t involve genital-on-genital rubbing. Tribbing is just one of many options.”

7. Use lube

And finally, don’t forget the lube. Spit may be convenient, but your best bet is probably silicone lube, since it lasts the longest. “Without proper lubrication, skin-on-skin contact can get sticky, tacky, or friction-y pretty quickly, which isn’t usually compatible with sustained pleasure. (Many people find the friction of skin-to-skin irritating and downright uncomfortable). A dollop of store-bought lube adds that feel-good slide and glide that helps everything rub against more smoothly. An added benefit of lube is that it can create the visually and auditory appealing sights and sounds of wet, which turns on two additional senses.”

Sources cited:

Gabrielle Kassel, a queer sex educator for DatingAdvice.com.

Kai Korpak, a sex therapist and the assistant director at Best Therapies.