Now that you’ve taken fingering 101 and have mastered how to flick someone else’s bean until they’re screaming your name, you’re ready to move on to more advanced moves.
Lesbian sex is exciting, but the female anatomy is complicated, which is why you may need a little help leveling up your game.
Our LGBTQ+ sex experts helped you figure out the basics, now they are going to take you from having a rudimentary understanding of how to make a fellow sapphic see god with your fingers to being a fingering god yourself, so that whichever queer woman, trans, or nonbinary person you take to bed is about to have their world rocked!
1. Don’t forget to dirty talk
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With the beginning tips we taught you that communication is key, but now it’s time to level up and add in dirty talk. Find out if your partner has a praise kink, or a degradation kink, or loves to be dominated, and then use that when you’re talking her through it.
According to Gabrielle Kassel, queer sex educator for DatingAdvice.com, this can also be a great way to get enthusiastic and ongoing consent: “If your partner has a praise kink, you might say: ‘You’re doing such a good job for me. As my good girl, can you take another finger?’ If your partner has a humiliation or degradation kink, you might say: ‘Look how much you like this. Listen to the sounds you’re making. You’re going to get even greedier when I give you another finger.’ If your partner prefers a dominant role, you might say: ‘May I please my Mommy by giving her one more finger?’”
2. Let them lead you
It’s your job to pay attention to their cues, but you can also let them guide you and show you what you works for them. “As you go, and they get increasingly turned on, have them guide your hand to show you what kind of touch they want at that point,” says Carol Queen, PhD, Good Vibes staff sexologist, and curator of the Antique Vibrator Museum. “You'll earn bonus skills if you can keep up the specifics of each demo — and if you can tell the difference between the show and tell styles.”
3. Get both hands involved
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You’ve got two hands and 10 fingers so don’t be afraid to use them! While you can be fingering her with one hand, you’re other hand can be fondling her breasts, tweaking her nipples, or filling her mouth. And don’t forget that you can be stroking her internally and externally at the same time. “Can you rub your belly and pat your head at the same time? Then you can probably do separate things with your hands while fingering someone,” Queen says.
4. Experiment with different techniques
If you have the basics down pat, try more advanced fingering techniques. Try using your thumb, knuckles, or the heel of your hand to stay in contact with her clit while you stimulate other areas with your other hand or tongue, and make sure if you’re penetrating her, you aren’t turning into a jackhammer.
“This is where we leave porn behind,” Annette Benedetti, a sex and intimacy coach and the host of the Talk Sex with Annette podcast, tells PRIDE. “That aggressive in-and-out, piston-style fingering you see on camera is for the visual, not her pleasure. In real life, think of your hand as rocking rather than thrusting. The base of your palm or thumb massages the clit externally while your fingers inside gently press and roll against the G-spot and, when appropriate, the A-spot. It should feel like a wave that keeps cresting, not a drill.”
5. Pay attention to the A-Spot
You already know to pay close attention to the clit and G-Spot, but what about the A-Spot? The anterior fornix erogenous zone is a pressure point located deeper in the vagina than the G-Spot, sitting closer to the cervix. “The A-spot typically likes slow, steady, confident pressure rather than frantic movement,” Benedetti explains. “When you get it right, she may feel a deep, spreading arousal, not just local stimulation. Think anchored, intentional touch, not poking around.”
6. Try a Wartenburg Wheel
If you’re a beginner starting by adding basic sex toys like vibrators and butt plugs is an excellent idea, but now that you’re moving on to advanced moves, you’re going to want to try some new sex toys too. Give a Wartenbuurg Wheel a try. The sensation might be too intense for some people, but others people love the feeling. “This small spiked wheel can be rolled along almost any body part, igniting the nerve endings it touches as it does,” Kassel explains. “In doing so, it can turn almost any area into an erogenous zone. Try rolling it along the bikini line, inner thighs, buttocks, or labial tissue to build sensation and anticipation. The spikes look intense, but you actually have a lot of control over pressure and intensity, and they won’t pierce the skin unless you press down firmly.”
7. Pay attention to your partner’s cues
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Paying close attention to your partner’s vocalizations and body movements is going to be key. Do they seem to get really quiet before they reach the big O, or do they get really loud? Does their body get stiff or do they start arching their back and move their hips? This is all vital information, if you want to learn to read them like a book.
“What are the signs you notice in a partner that their arousal is increasing and they're moving toward orgasm? Those are important to be able to read—but remember that they won't be the same, or go at the same pace, for everyone,” Queen warns. “Just a few that you might experience: changes in breathing; muscle contracting; clutching you or the sheets; changes in vocalization.”
8. Combine fingering and oral
If oral sex is on the table, adding it in while you’re fingering your partner can heighten the experience. Nervous about your oral skills? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered!
“The combination of sensations can be incredibly arousing, especially if your mouth and fingers are stimulating two different areas at once,” Kassel says. "For example, if your fingers are inside someone’s anus, your mouth might be on their front genitals. Or, if your fingers are on or inside the front genitals, your mouth or tongue can be stimulating the anal opening. The sensations that result from this finger-mouth layering can heighten arousal, increase intensity, and for some people, even contribute to a blended or more powerful orgasm.”
9. Work up to fisting slowly
If you want to work up to more fingers and then eventually fisting, make sure you are getting enthusiastic consent each time you advance, and take your time to prep them. “Check in each time you add a finger,” Benedetti says. “More fullness can be deeply satisfying for some, but it has to be something she actively wants. And if you are moving toward very full penetration, including potential fisting, that should never be a surprise or some secret achievement in your head. It is something you talk about explicitly, prepare for with a lot of lube, patience, and care, and only do if it is a clearly expressed yes.”
Sources cited:
Gabrielle Kassel, a queer sex educator for DatingAdvice.com.
Carol Queen, PhD, Good Vibes staff sexologist, and curator of the Antique Vibrator Museum.
Annette Benedetti, a sex and intimacy coach, and the host of the Talk Sex with Annette podcast.
4. Cleansing after a fightBeatriz Vera/Shutterstock
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