Watch Cathy DeBuono bring you her vlog What's Your Problem live on SheWired Wednesday night at 7:30 PST. Streaming live, Cathy will address a letter from a 16-year-old lesbian with family troubles contemplating suicide. Also, an 18-year-old in the UK struggling with the ending of her 3 year relationship, abusive stepfather, sibling troubles, and alcoholic mother.
Cathy,
I'm 16 and have known for a while that I'm gay. My dad and stepmum know and also one of my brothers, and they are all cool with it. But recently my brother nearly died and while he was in the hospital my mum banned me from seeing him, and my family started getting emotionally abusive. Lately it's been getting worse and at the moment, I've been thinking of killing myself to make it stop and to make the pain stop.
Cate
Also...
Hello Cathy.
I have been watching your vlogs on Whats Your Problem? and think they are amazing; you not only give people advice but give them a range of advice to choose from based on you and your guests’ opinions, and some one the other problems have helped me, but I decided to write to you with my own problem.
I am 18 years old and live in Brighton, UK. It is basically like the West Hollywood of UK, and I love it here, but it has always been my dream to move to Los Angeles and study at A.A.D.A.
I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years. Because of our 3-year age gap, things got hard for us as we were ready for different things and a lot of trust issues got in the way. I miss my girlfriend so much, as she played a big part in every aspect of my teenage years. We were also close friends before we dated. I put a lot of things on hold while we were together and even applied to a Uni I didn’t want to go to just so I could stay close to her, and now find I have a lot of regrets. One being that I didn’t apply to A.A.D.A.
Living in Brighton and being out on the scene everyone knows everyone and things are always coming back to me about my ex and the people she is seeing. It seems I cannot get away from it. So this seems a good time for me to leave, and get out while I still have my sanity in tact, or at least I think I do.
The only thing stopping me now is my mother. We have spoken about me applying to A.A.D.A, as we have since I was a child. But she keeps telling me not to and saying I’m too young to make that move alone and that I am not ready. To help my mother I have even gone as far as saying I would apply to a drama academy in the UK but she still claims I am too young. This is all well and good if it wasn’t for the fact she never cared about me doing things at a young age before now.
For example... A weekend at an L word convention when I was 14 in London about 3 hours away, a high range of tattoos and piercings from the age of 11, being out all night at clubs when I was 13/14, and even going abroad alone when I was 15. Back then, I thought this was really cool - that my mom allowed me to do this. But thinking back, why did she allow it? Did she really care? I don’t know. So why is she choosing to care now?
I think I should mention that my mother used to be a happy person. She had her 1st child at 16, but coped well and raised us well. When I was 3 she met my step-dad, and things went ok for the 1st couple of years until they started drinking more and more. According to my real father, my mother never used to do that. I have witnessed my step dad hit my mom. This led me to hit him with a brick and put him in hospital, but she still went back to him. And I have noticed how he verbally abuses her, I can tell she is worn down and emotionally drained, and I don’t know why she stays with him, whether he has threatened her or she is worried how a break up will effect my younger brother and sister who are his children also. I suppose I will never know what goes on behind closed doors, all I know is the glimmer of light has gone from her eye and I don’t know if it will ever return. I personally have never had a relationship with him, he has his and my mother’s kids, which leaves my eldest brother and I out, and causes problems with our siblings and us.
I don’t know if my mom is desperate for me to stay because she doesn’t know how she would cope if I left, or because of another reason. I don’t know whether going would be the best option, or to stay here and protect mom. I know I am good enough for at least a shot at getting into A.A.D.A on a scholarship, and I wouldn’t mind even going into debt to achieve my dream. Do you think I should stay or go?
I am also worried about leaving my sister; she is now 15 and treated like a prisoner. Her dad is so over protective it is unbelievable, he doesn’t let her go out and gets really mad when she mentions her boyfriend who she has been with a year. I am the only person she can speak to about her relationship with him and the regular teenage stuff. I am worried if I go she will have no one, like I had no one. Because I could never speak to my mom, I didn’t even tell my mom I was gay. I wrote it on a post-it note on the fridge. Should I stay at least till my sister is older?
There are so many things in the way, but I really want my dream. What do I do? Please help me.
Leshea.x
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Among other things there, you can also catch her web series We Have To Stop Now, where she stars beside Jill Bennett & guest starring comedian, Suzanne Westenhoefer.
