As if our lives aren't confusing enough, there's a new term gaining traction in Queer Land. Let me be the first to introduce you to the word "femmephobia." Thanks, Twitter.
What's femmephobia?
Although, queer men can also be femmephobic, we'll talk about that on another day. Today, we're talking about femmephobia in the world of women. To the ladies of Queer Land, which includes Bi City and Lesbian Town, femmephobia has a couple prominent definitions.
- A woman who refuses to date feminine women because "they just don't look gay enough."
- A woman who suffers from an irrational fear of women who wear dresses and carry handbags, because only straight girls do those things.
Who are the regular offenders?
All sorts of people can suffer from femmephobia; it's basically a feminist critique of femininity. But, there are a couple of routine offenders you might recognize.
- Your typical cap-sleeved, neck-tattooed, eyebrow furrowing lesbian.
- A soft femme who refuses to date fellow femmes and dismisses them because of their stilettos.
Femmephobia is particularly problematic in the queer community. For example, many queer men experience bullying when femmephobia and homophobia collide. And, in the lesbian community, femmephobia erases femmes and can have severe consequences.
Why are some people femmephobic?
The obvious answer is biphobia. When some queer girls encounter a femme, they immediately assume she's straight and that's the end of that.
Femmephobia can also stem from insecurity. Here's an example, when I go out with my high-femme also-gay twin sister, I feel a tiny bit insecure. Perhaps femmephobic women are afraid to be the “less attractive" one in the relationship.
Twinny Rocking The High Femme (White Shirt)
Most queer people struggle with identity at some point. Queer women sometimes assume high-femme girls don't know they're gay yet. But, we all know that's bi erasure BS, right?
Why should I care?
In the straight community, femmephobia is often rolled into biphobia, homophobia or transphobia. But in the queer community, femmephobia is friendly fire and we can stop it from continuing.
I get it — meeting a queer femme can be confusing. Is she straight, bisexual or a lesbian? Trust your instincts and talk to her; you could be passing on the love of your life just because she's rocking lip gloss.
Femmes are fabulous and coming to a club near you, so watch out. And, please try not to spill anything on our pretty lace dresses.
About the Author: E J Rosetta is an LGBT Columnist and coffee addict living in Hampshire with her spoiled cat, Hendricks. More ramblings can be found on Facebook or via Twitter @EJRosetta.
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