All I wanted for my fourth birthday was an Esmeralda Barbie doll. My favorite movie that year was The Hunchback of Notre-Dame, and I was obsessed with the sassy, street-smart femme fatale at its center. Her purple skirt, tambourine, and sultry voice were too much for four-year-old me to handle (thanks, Demi Moore). When I finally got to open my presents, I yelped with joy as I tore off the wrapping paper and saw Esmeralda smiling back at me. But my Barbie bliss was short-lived, because I heard my grandpa grumble, āWho the hell got him that?ā
I deflated, and I donāt remember playing with Esmeralda again.
But I do remember that I loved all things deemed āgirlyā when I was little. I wore my momās clothes and put on her makeup all the time. I ran to my sisterās presents on Christmas morning before my own. And more than once, I threw on my momās wedding veil and channeled my inner X-men warrior goddess by running around the house and shouting, āIāM STORM, MISTRESS OF THE ELEMENTS!ā
No one dared tell me otherwise, at least in the comfort of my own home. Outside was a different story. I was ashamed that I was friends with only girls. I tried hard to relate to the boys in my class, but it never felt right.
I poured my childhood experiences into a web series I wrote and directed called DANNY THE MANNY. It follows a gay babysitter who discovers the six-year-old boy heās watching likes to cross-dress. The titular Danny sees a lot of himself in Quinn and decides to be the queer guardian angel he wish he had growing up. Danny crosses the line of his mannying duties, risking his job, his rent money, and his conscience but the question remains: is he helping or hurting Quinn? And what the heck does he tell the mom?
My own story, coupled with my work as a babysitter, made me wonder about how we should raise kids in a day and age when being LGBT is more accepted than ever before. Seeing kids divide pretty much everything into āboyā and āgirlā categories made me realize how early we genderize and divide children.
As adults, why canāt we allow kids to explore and question these norms? Encourage gender creativity, even!
Weāre now living in this gray area where gender is being questioned and roles are being capsized. Iām not sure if āgrown upsā know how to talk to kids about these changes in our culture. My goal is to bring the subject out of the shadows, to urge others to question our own ideas, and to open up our imagination about what it means to be a girl or a boy.
I can only imagine how little me would have felt if he were encouraged to explore and express himself however he wanted. As a babysitter, I encourage my kids to play with whatever they want ā colors be damned! If that means itās a truck so be it, and, if itās an Esmeralda doll, please wait your turn because Iāve been practicing my Demi Moore croon for years.
Watch the entirety of DANNY THE MANNY in the playlist below.
Mike Roma is the writer and director ofĀ DANNY THE MANNY, a new web series which was inspired by his own childhood and a recent babysitting gig.