I never went to my high school prom. I barely went to high school. I vaguely remember details, but they all form a murky image of never fitting in and desperately trying to appear as though it didn't bother me.
Last night, Jesse and I went to prom. Not just prom...Goth Prom. A good friend of ours was going and was nominated as prom queen so we wanted to go and vote for her. Not only that, we love any excuse to get all dressed up. We did our very best to appear Goth. Jesse wore a floor length, strapless, red ball gown, swooped her hair to one side to where it was mostly hanging in her face, and caked her eyes with oodles of black eyeliner and shadow. She topped it all off with a black headband complete with a black rose and veil. I looked a little less glam and a little more Davy Havok in my black slacks, red suspenders, tiny vest with a black and red striped tie, and a black rose boutonnière.
As soon as we walked through the door we saw people everywhere decked out in old prom dresses, corsets, black lace-up boots, tuxedos, and electrical tape. The cage dancers were dancing hard, and the bartenders were dishing out themed drinks like "Spiked Punch," and "Dumpster Baby." We met our group of friends at the bar, showed off outfits, and ordered drinks. We were all standing around laughing when we heard the club owner say over a microphone that it was time to announce who'd been elected prom queen and king. The whole club crowded around the dance floor to watch.
Then the club owner said that before crowning the prom king and queen that she needed 10 couples to come out on to the dance floor -- any 10 couples that wanted to volunteer. I looked at Jesse.
"You wanna go?"
"Sure, I'm down for whatever," she said.
So, I took her hand and we stood next to the club owner on the dance floor. Other couples gathered around and faced the crowd. There were three girl / girl couples and two boy / girl couples. No one else seemed to have the nerve to participate in whatever it was that Jesse and I and four other couples had gotten ourselves into. After the club owner bid anyone else to come forward and there were no takers, the games began.
The rules were pretty simple. Each of the couples were to nominate who would be the "boy." The club owner fumbled over her words to get that one out. Then, the "boy" was to take their prom date's dress off as fast as he or she could. I was the boy...of course. I raised my hand to nominate myself "boy" so fast Jesse might have heard my shoulder pop. Any excuse to undress my girlfriend, in public or private, I'm eager to oblige. So, after hearing the rules, we all sized up our competition, and I for one, definitely decided it was a piece of cake. I guess that's why there was a twist. Plastic handcuffs. We all had to have our hands handcuffed behind our backs.
Me: "Shit."
As if being drunk weren't handicap enough. As I was being handcuffed, Jesse quickly gave me the game plan.
"Okay, I'm going to kneel down a little, and you reach to one side and unclasp the clasp of my dress, and then unzip it."
I just nodded vigorously, then said,
"Wait...are you wearing underwear?" I suddenly replayed our getting dressed back in our bedroom earlier that night.
She had slid on the dress with nothing on underneath.
"Yeah, I decided to put on underwear, no bra though." she said now.
"Okay, hold your tits as soon as you feel the dress drop."
"Alright everyone ready?" said the club owner.
Nods all around.
"1...2...3....GO!"
Just like clockwork. It was a blur, it happened so fast. I moved my hands to the left side of my waist, unclasped the clasp, and as I was unzipping the zipper my handcuffs broke and the dress fell to the floor. I immediately rose one hand in the air, put the other over my stomach and took a bow. I then turned and saw Jesse standing there with her dress at her feet, her hands over her tits...in nothing but a pair of black lace boy-shorts. I must have been staring with drool collecting at the corners of my lips.
"Pull my dress back up, Cover me up! Cover me up!"
I quickly knelt down, collected her dress from the floor, and pulled it back over her. Then I wrapped my arms around her and said in her ear
"I didn't see what happened, did we win?"
She laughed, shook her head, and replied
"Yes, we won."
Twenty bucks in free drinks is what we won, which in my little town is good for at least 4 cocktails or 6 beers.
Later that night, Jesse asked me for a repeat performance. I get sort of clumsy when I'm turned on, so I wasn't as fast, but I think that's because I knew what was going to come.
Her.
