There are a number of things the gay community can afford to improve on. Of course this stuff doesn't apply to every gay man (some of these things might not even relate to most gay men) but it relates to enough gay men that I’ve included it in this list here. So there’s no reason to say, “Woah… I don’t know any gay men who do this.” Just because you don’t see or know something happening, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
With that forewarning out of the way, here are 11 issues that the gay community struggles with.
Even more than shaming other men about their bodies, we shame ourselves. So many queer men, myself very much included, struggle with their own body image issues. It’s a sad truth about many queer men.
In the U.S., gay and bisexual men are much more likely to smoke cigarettes than straight men. The exact number changes from study to study, but experts estimate that gay and bisexual men are anywhere between 50-200 percent more likely to smoke than the general population.
Can we just admit it? Like, dating in the gay community is THE WORST!
This idea originated with therapist Alan Downs, the author of the Velvet Rage.
Gay men seek external validation in order to avoid aspects of internalized homophobia and shame. Because of this, many gay men have a fragile ego, and the slightest thing that may seem like an insult, becomes triggering.
Instead of striving for a personal best, we love to compare ourselves to others. We strive for perfection because we think that’s the only way we can be the smartest, strongest, sexiest, most creative, etc. But this doesn’t help us keep our sanity. It only leads to self-loathing, anxiety, and low feelings of self-worth.
What does that even mean?? Too gay?? Too flamboyant?? Too effeminate?? Personally, I think when someone says this phrase, he has some internalized shame for being gay that’s coming to the surface.
Being “not gay enough” has to do with feeling insecure around other gay men and feeling that you don’t fit in with homonormative gay culture. So let me tell you, and trust me honey, you are absolutely gay enough.
So many of us are obsessed with masculinity. Sure, it’s completely fine to be more attracted to men who present more traditionally masculine (that’s not what I’m talking about). What's not fine is viewing more effeminate gay men as inferior or thinking they’re “embarrassing” to the gay community simply because they are more feminine.
Sometimes, the gay community excludes bisexual, transgender, POC, and other vital members of the LGBTQ community. Sometimes gay men exclude explicitly (an example of this would be by making lesbians and bisexual women not feel welcome in queer spaces). Other times, it’s more implicit. Gay men put their needs before those of other members of the LGBTQ community. Needless to say, this isn’t good.
We are one community and we need to have each other’s backs.
Being a gay man does not give you a get out of jail free card when it comes to saying and doing hurtful things towards women. Yes, you may not be sexually or emotionally attracted to them, but that doesn’t mean you can touch them without consent or use sexist language.
Many of us think that because we are a marginalized group, that we, ourselves, can’t be racist. This is very false. You can absolutely be racist.
Being gay doesn’t exempt you from being racist. Having black friends doesn't exempt you from being racist. Even dating a black man doesn’t exempt you from being racist.
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