33 Things Every Gay/Bi Guy Needs to Do Before Turning 33
Find out why every queer guy needs to do these things before they turn 33.
33 is an angel number associated with guidance and spiritual growth. Here are 33 things every gay or bisexual man should experience at least once before they get there.
1. Go 30 days without drinking or drugs
Just to make sure you can. When you’re 30 you need to learn how to have fun without being intoxicated.
2. Have a serious boyfriend
This doesn’t necessarily mean a monogamous boyfriend, but date someone you really care for.
3. Feel comfortable approaching men
It's no longer cute to be nervous. Approach the guy you find attractive. Be confident. Be yourself. You'll be fine.
4. Feel comfortable being rejected by aforementioned men
A huge part of being comfortable approaching men is being comfortable with rejection. It’s inevitable. It also has nothing to do with you. Don’t let it hold you back.
5. Stop being catty
The drama. The talking behind each other’s back. The “Can you believe who he hooked up with?” or “Can you believe what he’s wearing?” All of that needs to go. You’re an adult. You’re not Regina George.
6. Go to an underwear party without feeling self-conscious
Underwear parties are always a good time: fact. Enjoy ogling and being ogled.
7. Stop comparing your body to other gay/bisexual men
You’ll never be happy. There will always be someone more muscular, skinnier, tanner, and better looking than you. You look good in your own right.
8. Stop focusing on your looks and start focusing on your health
If you focus on your health, eating right and exercising, your looks will come with it. Don’t go to the gym for anyone else but yourself. Do things for you. Not for society.
9. Have a core group of queer friends
You’re queer. It’s crucial to have some queer men and women in your life.
10. Have at least one close straight male friend
I know, straight men are the worst, but it’s necessary to have at least one straight male friend in your life. They see the world differently than you do, and sometimes, that perspective is helpful.
11. Learn how to say "No" without feeling guilty
No to sex. No to drugs. No to going out. No to drinking. No to dates. No to anything. You’re too old to be doing things you don’t want to do.
12. Date someone who’s not your type
When we date someone who isn’t our type, we learn more about ourselves. They push us to see the world differently. They push us to step outside our comfort zone.
13. Try bottoming (or topping) if you haven’t
Sure, you might not like it, and if that’s the case, then at least you now know what everyone else is talking about. Or who knows? You may absolutely love it.
14. Explore your sexuality (and fetishes)
We all have fetishes. Some kinkier than others. Explore them without judgment.
15. Date a bisexual guy
If you’re bisexual, then it’s a must. Being bi, I’ve never felt truly accepted until I dated someone else who was bi. Dating someone bi helped me come to grips with my sexuality. If you’re gay, still date a bi guy. I guarantee you’ll learn a lot about yourself in the process.
16. Wear sunscreen
Yes, everyone loves being tan, but skin cancer is, in fact, real and will happen if you keep exposing your skin to the sun. Take care of your body. You don't want to look all leathered and wrinkled by the time you're 40.
17. Wear a Speedo to the beach (at least once)
It’s like, what’s the point of being gay/bi if you don’t wear a Speedo to the beach?
18. Have your own drink and know how to order it
Alright if you REALLY love Jack and Coke, fine. But if you’re just ordering it because you can’t think of a drink you like more, then figure out what that drink is, spice it up, and order it with confidence. You should always know what you want to drink by the time your server asks.
19. Quit smoking, actually.
Newsflash: It’s no longer social smoking when you’re 30. Smoking only when your drunk does indeed count. You are a smoker. Accept it so you can then quit. Want to learn more or talk to a quit coach? Call 1-800-QUIT-NOW.
20. Clean out your closet
Get rid of the stuff that doesn’t fit you (or never really fit). Goodwill will happily take it.
21. Get over the guy that screwed you over
We’ve all been heartbroken. We’ve all been screwed over. Don’t give him anymore power by letting him affect your future relationships.
22. Evaluate your safe-sex practices
Are you sleeping around a lot? Awesome. Have you considered Truvada? Is your condom use not 100%? Less awesome. Why haven’t you considered Truvada?
23. Know how to budget (and start saving money)
So this isn’t necessarily gay/bi specific, but you’re a full-fledged adult now. You should know how to save money. At the same time, you should know how to spend money without feeling guilty.
24. See a gay icon (preferably a pop diva) in concert
Cher. Beyonce. Lady Gaga. Even Nick Jonas. You gotta see a gay icon live. It’s also mandatory that you sing all the words at the top of your voice.
25. Hook up with someone using Grindr once (for the few of you that haven’t already)
If you are one of the few gay/bi men on the planet that hasn’t hooked up via Grindr, give it a shot. Be safe. Be smart. And see if it’s something you’d enjoy.
26. Stop slut and prude shaming (yourself and others)
You’re not 18. Nobody cares how many people you have (or haven’t) slept with.
27. Buy some real furniture
Again, not queer specific, but something necessary. Be proud of where you live. It’s nice to be able to go home to a place knowing that it looks and feels good.
28. Learn to be alone
Are you a serial dater? Stop dating for a little bit. Do you find yourself chatting to randos on Grindr nonstop? Delete the app for a month. Are you someone who needs to be surrounded by friends all the time? Take a night off to yourself. Being alone can suck, but it’s crucial for personal growth.
29. Date an older guy
You can learn things from a guy who’s been around the block. Who’s been through his 20’s and 30’s and successfully made it to the other side. Silver foxes are also sexy as fuck.
30. Accept you’re 30
Stop freaking out about it. We’ve all heard it, but it’s true. Age is just a number. At no point in your life will you have everything figured out. 30 is no different. The only thing different about being 30: you're no longer freaking out about not having life figured out.
31. Go to a bathhouse
This can be very intimidating at first, but remember -- consent is sexy, even here.
32. Go to a nude beach
And let your inhibitions run wild! Trust me, you'll feel so much better after shedding your clothes and experiencing the sun across your entire body/
33. Reconnect with your inner child
Now, hold on, remember -- 33 is the time for spiritual growth and reminds us that anything is possible. You wouldn't be where you are today if you hadn't been through what you had. Inner child work is scary, legitimately, but one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself is heal your past and inner traumas.