Ten Thousand Lesbians, One Desert: Rachel Paulson's Dinah Dos and Don'ts!

CALLING ALL LESBIANS! PAY ATTENTION!

Last weekend brought the highly-anticipated, always-festive annual event that makes every lesbian within six hundred miles of Palm Springs, CA go on crash diets and buy new bathing suits and board shorts. Last weekend was... The Dinah. Now, let's take a moment to let that really sink in.

I'm sure for most of you you're still in recovery mode. I know the one time I went (and I'll never go again) it took me a good month to actually be normal again. It’s an event where adults -- mostly --out of college can relive their sorority days for one weekend only. Or is that just me?

First of all – poor Dinah Shore, all she wanted to do was sponsor a nice little women's golf tournament in the ‘50s and now her name is attached to the largest lesbian event in the United States. I'll bet she's turning in her grave. Or, she's a lesbian and she was secretly hoping this would happen and her relationship to Montgomery Clift was all a ruse – they did break up due to her infidelity. Maybe she had been planning this takeover for years and now she's in heaven smiling down at us.

Either way, The Dinah event that is the spring break for lesbians happened last weekend. Is there a better place to find scantily clad women with faux-hawks and mullets? No Way. The Dinah is essentially three big pool parties, with a couple night parties too – that is, if you can make it past five o'clock. The real fun though, lies in the pool parties because anyone who's anyone will obviously be there. There are comedy shows, musical performances and sometimes even prizes can be won. But let's be honest, or should I say Lez Be Honest (ok that was a horrible joke) if you're anything like me, you most likely won't be able to go to any of the events because you'll be passed out at five pm from the outrageous pool party you just attended.

I think lesbians scampering around or scattered about Palm Springs is an understatement. This small vacation town is littered with flannels, Birkenstocks and bikinis, and in the parking lot you may even find a U-haul or two, but usually it's preferred not to bring sand to the beach, if you know what I mean…

Tips for Next Year:

Drink more water

Always bring cream cheese for your bagels.

Don't actually swim in those pools.

Do The Dinah diet BEFORE, not during. You'll pass out.

If you see someone you work with – sober up.

Drink more water.

Apply sunscreen (I know that burn hurts).

DVR your favorite shows at home.

Whenever you see a camera, RUN! Trust me. Don't ask. Just trust me.

DO NOT take your top off next time.

Drink more water.

Don't lose your $200-Ray Bans to some girl whose name you can't even remember.

Wear more than one outfit.

Don't bring your computer.

Drink more water.

Bring a coffee maker, or designate someone as Coffee Bitch.

Allot at least a month after the event where you don't go out. You'll need it.

Oh, and drink water…

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