10 Reasons Why Butch/Femme Relationships Are the Hottest

There's a lot of discussion these days about where all the butches have gone. This brilliant SheWired op-ed by Roey Thorpe is a definite must-read on the subject (as is my own piece about why we love butch women - yes, "Modesty" is my middle name). It's certainly true that a generous proportion of our community has eschewed the plaid and sports shirts in favor of a more androgynous style. But the butch will never die. And (IMHO) never is she more beautiful than when she has the Yin to her Yang hanging from her majestic muscly biceps.

9. Butch-femme couples turns heads

"Is it two girls? Is it a straight girl and a guy? What is that?" Hanging out as a butch-femme couple makes a big, bold, unequivocal statement. It's brave and it's not what most people expect to see when they're out at the hardware store on a Sunday afternoon. It really gives the straights something to think about. And that's never a bad thing.

8. It twists convention

To those who say it's "aping" heterosexual relationships - pah! If we wanted so badly to be in a male-female set-up, we would be. Butches want to be women dressed in a masculine style. They don't (for the most part) actually want to be men. If anything, the butch-femme dynamic challenges heterosexual relationship/gender models. Women aren't meant to want to look like men. Girly women aren't meant to want women who want to look like men. But they do it anyway! Hell yeah!

7. It confuses idiots

The above photo was used by Fox News to illustrate an article promoting traditional marriage. It's actually not a straight couple, but the lovely Stephanie Figarelle and Lela McArthur tying the knot. Oh, the lolz! Ah. It's a wonderful world sometimes, isn't it? Playing with people's perceptions, expectations and assumptions are all part of the territory when it comes to butch-femme relationships.

6. Their clothes and grooming products are their own

Butch/femme couples only touch each other's grooming products when they're in the process of removing them (with hands or sweat or both)... There will be no other form of lipstick nabbing or hair gel theft in this relationship. Same shoe size? So what? The Manolo Blahniks will remain in their box until their rightful owner needs to stumble about on them after too many G&Ts. Same shirt size? No worries. We know who it looks best on.

5. Nobody argues over who's Jack and who's Rose

Well, theoretically. I'm not sure I could describe Janae as "femme", but then compared to Big Boo I think pretty much anyone counts as femme. Ah, Big Boo: a prime example of a feisty butch who knows her own mind... including being something of a hit with the ladies, ahem. And Boo's Orange is the New Blackbackstory is a genuinely tear-jerking tale, centering on how she was rejected by her parents for being a butch.

4. The feel of boxers against silk

Take off your jeans and unzip my dress. Behold! Lingerie meets jockeys. Then peel off another layer and both of us are pretty much the same. Totally hot. Uh-huh - there's something hugely sexy about presenting masculine and being a woman underneath. Ditto being a "straight"-looking woman who fucks chicks. Mix them together and fireworks a-go-go. Gender-playtime. Mmm.

3. Everyone is clear who blocked the vacuum

Only one of us wears the tresses in this relationship - and, if it comes to it, all shorter hairs can of course be blamed on the cat. Femme-type-person, all eyes are on you when we're choking on our soup and the sink is blocked. Tsk! But we forgive you because you're hella cute.

2. Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi

There's no getting around it. These women are hot as hell together. An item since 2005, they met at the 2004 VHS awards. Femme de Rossi hadn't publicly come out prior to their relationship. In 2008 they married in California, taking advantage of a short period during which same-sex marriage was legalized in the state before being made illegal again.

1. It upsets bigots

This is the moment when two women spotted anti-gay politician Vitaly Milonov on their flight from Moscow to St Petersberg and took the opportunity to dive in for a tongue sandwich. We bet you a million billion rubles the dude would have carried on watching if one of the women didn't look totally the opposite to a "lesbian" porn star. Because yes, for some people, that's the only acceptable sort of lesbian. They need schooling!