This past week didn't see quite as much lesbian-adjacent outrage on our own shores, but there's no shortage of crazy-making statements coming from our (apparently former) friends across the pond. Whether it's a pasta-maker telling us our families aren't real, the International Olympic Committee saying they're totally cool with Russia's violent oppression of LGBT people, or just a bitter straight girl at Smith College trying to start a Heteros-Only sorority, these are the stories that had us fuming last week.
Gays Tell Barilla Where to Stuff Its Bigotry, Now With Sexism!
On Thursday, the chairman of Italian-based pasta maker Barilla inserted his homophobic foot squarely into his mouth — though it's ultimately going to hurt him in the wallet.
"I would never do an advertisement with a homosexual couple," Guido Barilla told an Italian radio program on Thursday. "Not for lack of respect, but because we don't agree with them… Ours is a traditional family where the woman plays a fundamental role."
He means in the kitchen, right? Preferably barefoot and pregnant, and definitely subservient to our husbands? Yeah, let's get real traditional on this one, Guido. (That's not a slur, that's actually this ass-hat's first name.)
To really drive the point home, the Barilla chairman added, "I have no respect for adoption by gay families because this concerns a person who is not able to choose."
Thousands in Italy, across Europe, and here in the U.S. took Barilla's advice to,"If [gays] don't like it, they can go eat another brand," calling for an international boycott of the suddenly homophobic company. Despite a meager, half-assed non-apology, Twitter continues to blow up with the hashtag #boicottbarilla, and even members of Italian parliament speaking out against the chairman's ill-advised statement.
International Olympic Committee Is Totally Cool With Russia's Legal and Violent Oppression of LGBT People
In the run-up to the 2014 Winter Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia, the host country has come under heavy — and warranted — scrutiny for its recently enacted national ban on so-called gay propaganda. The law, which president Vladimir Putin signed after it was unanimously passed by parliament earlier summer, imposes fines and possible jail time for anyone convicted of spreading "propaganda of nontraditional sexual relations" to minors.
In response, the International Olympic Committee has repeatedly sought "assurances" that the ill-defined, far-reaching law won't impact LGBT athletes and spectators at the 2014 Winter Games. On Thursday, the IOC announced that it is "completely satisfied" with vague promises from Russian diplomats that LGBT athletes and spectators will be safe in Sochi.
"The Olympic Charter states that all segregation is completely prohibited, whether it be on the grounds of race, religion, color, or other, on the Olympic territory," said Jean-Claude Killy, chairman of the IOC Coordination Commission, at a press conference in Sochi today, according to the Associated Press. Notably absent from the Olympic Charter's antidiscrimination policy? Discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity.
"That will be the case, we are convinced," continued Killy in French, according to a translation from the AP. "Another thing I must add: The IOC doesn't really have the right to discuss the laws in the country where the Olympic Games are organized. As long as the Olympic Charter is respected, we are satisfied, and that is the case."
In other words, "Tough shit, queers! We totally believe that the Russian government — being the paragon of peace and equality that it is — won't target you for being gay, or waving a rainbow flag, or holding your partner's hand in Sochi. Why? Because they said so!"
Of course, what, exactly, those Russian officials have said is that the law isn't discriminatory because straight people can be arrested for discussing LGBT identities in front of minors, too. Of course, no one can be arrested for talking about straight sex, or marriage, but that's because God totally ordains those things, and we know, because the Russian Orthodox Church has a direct line to the Savior.
Forgive us if we don't cash in our miles for a trip to Sochi in February.
A Sorority to Stop the Sad Saga of Being a Straight Girl at Smith?
Look, it's no secret that Smith College is a happy haven for budding queer ladies. But somehow, we doubt that the campus is just so exceedingly gay that straight girls feel super marginalized. But according to one undergraduate, that's exactly the case. And that's why she proposed creating a new sorority on campus that is an "exclusive group for straight girls." In an email circulating around campus, the student said she felt "marginalized" and "like the minority [as] a straight girl at Smith."
She goes on to detail all the super-hetero things she and her newfound sisters will do as the newest chapter of Delta Gamma. "We would have sorority mixers with Amherst men, weekly dinner dates, weekly photoshoots where we would dress up nice [and] baking nights,” the student wrote. ""We would also get Sorority apparel (even Lily Pulitzer has the cutest DG stuff!) and we’d have traditions, like every wednesday we wear pink haha."
Because, you know, lesbians are allergic to pink. The national chapter of Delta Gamma denies any knowledge of this student's request, but did tell USA Today that they're investigating "what the heck is going on, who this girl is, to what extent things are happening."
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