As far as I’m concerned, our buttholes are one of the most interesting, dynamic places on our bodies. Beyond performing the obvious function of keeping things moving, our buttholes are a tremendous place of pleasure and mystery—a place that I’ve been exploring for decades.

In short, my butthole gets a lot of love. Both from myself, and from others. But that’s not the case with everyone.

For various reasons, gay men can sometimes feel disconnected from their buttholes. For some, it might be tied to the belief that anything butt-related is emasculating and somehow bad. It can stem from a brew of internalized homophobia and shame. For others, it’s not that serious; it’s just not something they’ve gotten around to doing.

Regardless of the reason, I can’t help but think that all of our butts (regardless of being tops or bottoms and regardless of whatever emotional and psychological baggage we might carry) are longing for love and attention.