Which head did that hair fall from?
Shutterstock
Are you a bear? An otter? A cub? A hairy gay/bi man who hates identifying as an animal simply because of his surplus of hair? It doesn’t matter. Regardless of how you identify, there are a few problems only furry men experience. Here are 20 hairy situations (pun intended) only fuzzy men know and (sometimes) love.
People think they can rub you
Shutterstock
There's a time and a place, but just because my chest is hairy doesn't mean you can touch it at your leisure.
Being bald but hairy everywhere else
Shutterstock
Thick beard, back hair, and the rest of your body is covered with it, but there's nothing up on top.
Wanting to be smooth
Shutterstock
We all want what we can't have. Shaving, waxing, and everything in between is so much harder to keep up with when you're hairy.
Body heat
Shutterstock
It's just like dogs with fur panting more in the heat than dogs with hair. The more you're covered, the hotter it is.
Being emasculated
Shutterstock
People definitely expect men with hair to be the most masculine in the room, and sometimes that can be a little overwhelming (and a bit annoying.)
Judgment and/or jealousy
Shutterstock
This one is sort of dependent on where you are in life. If you’re like me and got hairy during your teen years when you’re supposed to be a smooth twink, everyone judges you. Once you’re in your mid-twenties and beyond, everyone wishes they had it.
Shedding
Shutterstock
All the time. It’s a part of us. Everywhere you go, you take a little piece
of us. Think of it as a gift.
Finding hair in your mouth
Shutterstock
Which is unpleasant. Flossing with beard hair isn’t exactly sexy or the most
hygienic method.
Snot in beard
Shutterstock
It just happens. There’s not much you can really do about it. Just use a million
tissues.
Finding crumbs in your chest
Shutterstock
How many times have you woken up hungover with popcorn, Cheez-Its, or Doritos in your chest hair? Be honest.
Wiping
Shutterstock
It’s like trying to get peanut butter out of sheep’s wool.
Hygiene in general
Shutterstock
When you have a forest of hair down there, cleansing your body is a lot more
complicated.
Being weirdly fetishized
Shutterstock
Don’t get me wrong, I’m attracted to hairy men (I’m also attracted to hairless
men). And unlike many racist things men wrongly consider “preferences,” I think this one is legitimate. But some guys get a little too into it. Guys on Grindr ask me for picture of my hairy B-hole daily.
People assume they can touch
Shutterstock
Yes, I am hairy. Yes, my shirt is off. That doesn’t mean you get to automatically
touch my furry body without asking.
The trimming dilemma
Shutterstock
To trim or not to trim? That is the question.
Hair pokes through your swimsuit
Shutterstock
Maybe it’s only the cheap ones.
Deciding on facial hair styles
Shutterstock
Beard, goatee, mustache, five o’clock shadow, mutton chops. So many options. So many variations.
Beard burn
You can give (or get) beard rash from kissing a man with scruff, so bun it up for those intense make out sessions.
Spending an obscene amount of money on razors
Shutterstock
Those things ain’t cheap.
Always running out of conditioner
Shutterstock
Gotta keep everything soft.
Kirkam/Shutterstock
