People may act like gay sex is only about anal sex and tops vs bottoms, but the truth is so much more interesting.
Sure, penetrative sex is a big part of many people’s sexual appetites, but giving head and frotting deserve places in the gay sex hall of fame, too.
You may be well versed in how to give the perfect blowjob, but how are your frotting skills? We’ve already taught you about the sex act where you align both partners’ penises and then jerk them off together, but now it’s time to master more advanced frotting techniques.
Since you’ve already passed frotting 101, it’s time to up your game, which is where our LGBTQ+ sex experts come in. To bring you the best ways to take you from a frotting novice to someone who can bring you and your partner to a mind-blowing climax at the same time, we talked to Dr. Michael Stokes, a sex therapist and men’s sexual health expert with Mister Health; Sofie Roos, a bisexual licensed sexologist, relationship therapist and author at relationship magazine Passionerad; and LGBTQ+ dating and sex expert Noah Heymann, who is the self-proclaimed “go-to coach for gay bears, chubs, and chasers.”
So without further ado, here are nine advanced tips for frotting like a pro.
1. Play with variation
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Don’t let frotting turn into a stale sex act where you are both just trying to see how fast you can have an orgasm. Take your time and experiment with different speeds, positions, and the intensity of your grip on your shafts. “Small changes in tempo, angle and pressure can make a huge difference, so don’t be afraid of experimenting and see what happens,” Roos says.
3. Sync your breathing
Once you’ve got the basics of frotting down pat, try increasing the pleasure by intentionally syncing up your breaths with your partner. “To purposely breathe at the same tempo can create a stronger presence and feeling of being connected, both emotionally and physically, which leads to a stronger experience,” Roos says.
3. Experiment with docking and intercrural sex
While frotting often involves getting off by rubbing two penises together, usually by one partner taking you both in hand at the same time, once you’ve mastered that technique, try something new. You can experiment with docking — “inserting a dick into another guy's foreskin” — for a different kind of pleasure, Heymann recommends. Or you could give intercrural sex a try. “One favorite method of frotting for queer men is one guy inserting his dick between the other's thighs,” he says.
4. Don’t worry about performing
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We all sometimes make the mistake of getting into our own heads about performing like we’re a porn star, but Roos says that the sensations will be heightened if you can set that aside, slow things down, and just live in the moment. “The ultimate skill to reach when frotting is to realize that the real goal is the journey, not an orgasm or how long you can go on,” she says. “So focus on the pleasure and contact with your partner rather than what you’re doing ‘on paper,’ and I promise you’ll get MUCH better at frotting!”
5. Play with friction
Don’t get complacent, instead, try new things to keep your sex life fun and exciting. For frotting, that can be as simple as switching up what you’re wearing when you get started, since you can frot while naked or with fabric in between you. “Using different types of fabrics can be arousing for many,” Dr. Stokes says. "Wearing a jockstrap, silk shorts, and other textured fabrics can add an erotic flare!”
According to Heymann, you can also play around with using hairy body parts for increased friction or removing hair for more glide. “Some guys like to frot their dick against a hairy area, but many prefer a smoother area, especially if lubed,” he says. “Chat it out, and you can always try shaving or waxing or otherwise removing body hair from a spot.”
6. Try a different kind of toy
If you’ve already tried frotting while using a butt plug or cock ring, try out a new toy that you both can enjoy at the same time. “There are even toys like the Cock Block that are essentially a double-ended fleshlight to rub dicks together,” Heymann says.
7. Play with edging
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If you want to ring even more pleasure out of you and the guy you’re frotting with, add in edge play to take things to the next level. “You can enhance the experience through incorporating edging as part of your technique and allow for a more intense experience,” Dr. Stokes recommends.
8. Add power dynamics
To drive you and your partner wild, play with power dynamics while you’re frotting. “One reason some guys like frotting is that it removes the potential penetrator/penetratee or top/bottom or dom/sub or gendered feelings of penetrative sex,” Heymann says. “But other guys still want to feel a power dynamic even with frotting, so may be excited by size difference between dicks, or hardness (one guy can pop an ED pill for extra hardness), or cut/uncut difference.”
9. Try to finish together
Instead of each of you racing to the finish line independently, try to read your partner’s body language and communicate (this is a great place to add dirty talk) so you can climax at the exact same moment. “Some partners love to finish together,” Dr. Stokes says. “This adds an element of communication and the ability to slow down or increase the pace to orgasm.”
Sources cited:
Dr.Michael Stokes, a sex therapist and men’s sexual health expert with Mister Health.
Sofie Roos, a bisexual licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at relationship magazine Passionerad.
LGBTQ+ dating and sex expert Noah Heymann, who is the self-proclaimed “go-to coach for gay bears, chubs, and chasers.”
