The taboo nature of an age-gap relationship and the added experience older men have in the bedroom make hooking up with a silver fox extremely hot.
Let’s be honest, there’s nothing sexier than a daddy!
Older men have an appeal that can’t be overstated — there’s a reason why the term silver fox was invented in the first place — but if you’ve never slept with one before or need tips to make the experience even better for both of you, don’t worry, we’ve got you covered.
Sex can be simple, but if you want to make the most of your sexual exploits and are dying to dip your toe in the daddy pond, then you might need a little guidance. That’s where our LGBTQ+ sex experts come in. To get you all the information you need to have a toe-curling experience with an older man, we talked to Court Vox, a somatic sex educator, sex and intimacy coach, and founder of The BodyVox; Dr. Michael Stokes, a sex therapist and Men’s sexual health expert; and Alex Garner, senior director of Strategic Initiatives & Communications at MPact Global Action for Gay Men’s Health and Rights.
So what do you need to know before you hook up with a man over 60?
1. Understanding how sex changes for men over 60
Sex changes in your 60s.
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Sex doesn’t end when you hit middle age. Although sex after you turn 60 can be different than when you were in your 20s, "sexual pleasure and satisfaction can be achieved for gay men of all ages,” Garner tells PRIDE.
As men get older, there are exciting new things to discover about your sexuality and sexual preferences in the bedroom, but it can also be lonely and make new insecurities pop up. “We know what we want, and we can be better at asking for it, he explains. “With age can also come feelings of isolation, insecurity, and invisibility. Men of all ages simply want to be seen and feel validated during sex. It’s essential to form a connection with our partners so that we can enjoy a reciprocal sexual interaction.”
And while sex may look a little different than it used to, it can still be just as pleasure filled and erotic. "Erections may take longer, recovery time increases, and arousal shifts from spontaneous to more responsive,” Dr. Stokes says. “But this doesn’t mean sex stops it means men have to slow down, tune in, and become more intentional. Many older gay men actually report better sex with less pressure, more connection, and a deeper understanding of what their bodies need.”
Vox agrees, saying that having sex with older men “isn’t a loss— it’s an invitation” because it forces you to get more creative in bed. “Older bodies often need more warm-up, more attention, and more creativity,” he says. “Sensation can shift, but presence and intimacy can deepen. Many of my older clients report feeling more emotionally connected, less pressured to perform, and more open to exploring pleasure in new ways.”
2. Sex afer 60 can be different for gay men
Although gay men are often more sexually active as they age than their straight counterparts, they also have to deal with a youth-obsessed gay culture that puts a premium on looking young, thin, and muscular, all of which can leave men feeling ostracized or invisible as they get older. “There’s often an expectation to perform like they did at 25, which can create anxiety and disconnection from pleasure,” Dr. Stokes says.
You may feel lucky that you bagged a sexy silver fox, but he may feel pressure to keep up with you. While their libidos may have slowed down, you won’t be disappointed if you end up in the sack with one. “For many gay men, their 60s can be a powerful time to reclaim sensuality, to reorient around pleasure instead of performance, and to discover connection that’s less about proving and more about being,” Vox says.
According to Garner, it’s also important to keep in mind that the majority of the people living with HIV now are over 50 years old, which means that older men may have a different relationship with sex than younger gay men who didn’t come of age in an era before PrEP and antiretroviral therapy.
“They could have a level of experience and insight that could make sex and sexual exploration more pleasurable and free,” he explains. “Others may still be struggling with issues of shame and stigma. They might feel isolated and have lingering anxieties around sex. All gay men have a relationship to HIV that impacts our sexuality, but it’s helpful to understand that those relationships can be vastly different for different generations of HIV. Communication about our different relationships to HIV and sex is essential to a good sexual connection."
3. There may be physical limitations
Stop making erections the most important part of sex since they can be harder to achieve as men age. “The older we get, the less reliable our erections can be,” Garner says. “Fortunately, there are medications we can take to help with erections, and there is no shame in taking these medications. It can also present an opportunity to expand our sexual interests so that it’s not squarely focused on an erect penis.”
Older men may also experience joint pain, mobility issues, and dryness. “Approach these shifts with curiosity, not shame,” Vox recommends. “Slow down. Use lube (a lot of it). Prioritize communication over assumption. Most importantly: check your ego at the door. Adaptation is not a failure, it’s a sign of intimacy and respect.”
Dr. Stokes says you should also keep in mind that “Good sex after 60 is about rhythm, not speed.”
4. Tips for bottoming for a silver fox
Just like when you are sleeping with a man closer to your own age, you want to communicate clearly so that you don’t end up in bed with someone who can’t meet your needs and vice versa. “If you are hungry for a load and the other person may not be able to ejaculate, then it may not be the best match,” Garner says. “But clearly communicating expectations and desires can help prevent unsatisfying experiences.”
Bottoming doesn’t just have to be about receiving penetration, so if your silver fox is having a hard time keeping it up, de-center his erection. “For men who have lost the ability to get/maintain an erection, they can still top using power exchange,” Vox recommends. “Hands/fingers, dildos/strap-ons, etc.” Don't limit yourself, he continues, "Receiving can look like many things: oral, hands, toys, energetics."
5. Tips for topping a silver fox
What do you need to know about topping a silver fox?
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When you’re topping an older man, make sure you are watching his breath, the tension in his body, and his responsiveness. “Topping isn’t just about control— it’s about care, presence, and leadership with consent,” Vox says.
Experiment with positions and angles to make sex pleasurable and comfortable for your partner — consider using pillows and wedges — and don’t skimp on lube. “Older tissue can be more sensitive, dry, and/or prone to tearing. Generous lubrication protects and enhances,” he says.
And if the man you’re topping needs to stop or switch things up, remember that it’s not a reflection of your skill level. “If the bottom needs to stop, switch positions, or take a break — it’s not a rejection of you,” Vox explains.
Dr. Stokes also says that you should “check your ego at the door. Focus on what feels mutual, not performative” and keep playfulness in mind because “humor and curiosity are underrated aphrodisiacs.”
6. Ensure everyone has a safe, satisfying, and affirming experience
If you want to sleep with older men and have the best experience possible, learn to expand your definition of sex. “Many older gay men have had to adapt to this limitation and explore pleasure beyond erections,” Garner says. “That includes delving into different forms of sexual pleasure, from fisting to voyeurism to BDSM. Aging can be an opportunity to expand one’s sexual repertoire, and partners can embrace this sexual diversity together.”
Vox also recommends focusing "less on climax or performance, and more on connection, sensation, and exploration.” And don’t forget to take care of your partner when you’re done. “Aftercare is not just for kink— it’s for everyone,” he says. “A cuddle, some water, a kind word, or space can all be part of closing the experience with care.”
And try to remember that sex doesn’t have an expiration date. “The narrative that sex ends at a certain age is false, and honestly, harmful,” Vox explains. "What I see in my work is that older men have the richest potential for erotic depth. They’ve lived. They’ve lost. They’ve learned to be present. If they’re willing to get curious again - about their bodies, their needs, and their partners - then sex after 60 can be not just satisfying, but transformational.”
Source Cited:
Court Vox, a somatic sex educator, sex and intimacy coach, and founder of The BodyVox.
Dr. Michael Stokes, a sex therapist and Men’s sexual health expert.
Alex Garner, senior director of Strategic Initiatives & Communications at MPact Global Action for Gay Men’s Health and Rights.
