Once upon a time, when you broke up with someone, unless you ran into them face-to-face, it was difficult for them to keep tabs on you. Those days are sadly gone. With the advent of social media and smartphones, the avenues to track you and keep a watchful eye on your activities are, well, countless. What’s even trickier is that we often don’t even realize there are so many ways for nosy folks to peer into our lives.
For instance, Venmo stalking is a real thing people do. Yes, that’s right—if you’ve neglected to make your transactions private, anyone can creep on what you’re up to. And that’s just the tip of the digital iceberg.
To help uncover more ways your ex—or anyone, for that matter—can be a digital creep, PRIDE spoke with Andrey Meshkov, co-founder and CTO of AdGuard, and Casey Criswell, a senior security engineer with 30 years of experience in IT and cybersecurity, for their insights on just how broad your digital footprint is and what you can do about it.
Is it common to underestimate our online footprint?
We’d like to think we know just how much we are sharing online, but even if you’re a “I keep my private life private” person on social media, the experts say that may not be enough to truly protect your information.
“It's super common to underestimate your online footprint, and there’s no shortage of anecdotal evidence of people accidentally discovering that they’ve shared more than they were thinking they did, often years later,” Meshkov tells PRIDE.
Even if your posts and photos are carefully selected to maintain an information firewall, there are still plenty of ways for folks online, your exes included, to know more than you think.
“Location sharing is built into nearly every mobile application, social media site, and even shopping,” Criswell tells PRIDE. “Even those fun little social media memes where we all like to share our favorite childhood foods, video games, songs, etc are dangerous,” he adds. “In the event of a breakup, it's vital to take stock of your common apps and ensure you lock down all the frivolous and identifying info.”
Fine, social media is tricky, but are there other apps to consider?
aijiro/Shutterstocks
It's not just an issue on social media, says Meshkov. “Apps like Venmo, Spotify, Pinterest, and Goodreads: these are fertile ground for stalkers, whether it’s your ex or someone quietly grooming you online,” he warns. “That’s because almost all of these apps are public by default. Unless you're aware enough to adjust the settings manually, you're likely exposing more than you realize.”
According to Meshkov, Venmo is a good example of this because even if you’re not detailing exactly what you’re exchanging money for in the notes, or even just using an emoji, those transactions over time can create a pattern of behaviors that can be pieced together of “who you’re seeing, when you’re seeing them, and how often,” warns Meshkov. “And since your friend list is also public, someone can use it to reconstruct your entire social circle.”
He also points to Spotify as another surprising opportunity for online creeping, saying it gives away more than you may think. “Your playlists and listening activity can hint at your emotional state, which could be used manipulatively,” Meshkov explains.
“Pinterest offers another window: boards about moving, redecorating, changing jobs, or even breakup recovery are all easy to exploit,” says Meshkov. “Even Goodreads can betray you in ways you wouldn't expect.”
The issue with some of these other places online is that it can take a long time, if ever, for you to realize that you are being tracked there. “There are cases where users only realize after several years that their accounts were still linked to old Facebook profiles, and that ex-partners were still quietly connected,” says Meshkov.
The result, he explains, is that deeply personal choices—from what you are listening to, reading, or thinking about—can be revealed this way, allowing anyone to have insight into your state of mind at any given time.
He also points to apps like BeReal as potential privacy weak points. “If you’ve ever chosen ‘Friends of Friends,’ your posts can be seen by unintended viewers. Because the app shares spontaneous, unfiltered moments, it exposes your exact routines and social circle in real time, making it easy for someone to track you without your knowledge,” says Meshkov.
Even Telegram can give you away despite being secure in theory. “An ex who’s still in your Telegram contacts, even if you’ve deleted their number from your phone, may still be silently watching your stories there unless you explicitly block them or remove them from your contacts list within Telegram,” he says.
Even your language-learning apps could be spilling the tea on you without you realizing it. “Duolingo, for instance, shares your activity with friends by default, so someone watching closely might notice what language you’re studying or when you log in, which can give them insights into your mood or future plans,” says Meshkov.
And of course, any app that offers your “Last Seen” and “Online” status is giving some degree of info away about your activities.
What about location-sharing apps?
It should come as no surprise that apps that share your real-time location are easily exploitable for an ex if they have access to it. “It often lingers long after you intend it to,” warns Meshkov.
He says that apps like Find My, Life360, and features like Snapchat’s Snap Map can continue broadcasting your real-time whereabouts unless you explicitly disable them. “Even less obvious platforms like fitness app Strava can expose your daily routines or home location through jogging routes, especially if you haven’t enabled privacy features like hiding start and end points,” he says.
And the latest issue: “Instagram’s new live location ‘Map’ feature is also a privacy risk: if you once added someone to your sharing list — like an ex — and forgot to remove them, they may still be able to see where you are every time you open the app.”
It kind of goes without saying this also applies to hookup apps like Grindr and Sniffies.
Feeling overwhelmed? That’s understandable. Criswell suggests beginning to unwind some of this by taking stock of all your most-used apps. “They all should have a toggle in the settings menu to allow you to turn off all location services. Make sure these are off, and if your app doesn't give you the option to toggle them off, consider not using that app for a bit. This will keep you from broadcasting your activities to anybody who may be watching.”
Are there other places to consider?
Sure that’s all you have to worry about, right? Wrong. “Then there are physical trackers like AirTags and similar Bluetooth devices,” says Meshkov. “While they were designed to help people find lost items, they’ve also been misused to monitor someone’s movements without consent. Although Apple and Android now alert users when an unknown AirTag is moving with them, those alerts can be missed or misunderstood.”
Much like smartphones, smart homes are also a source of potential information, and ones that Meshkov says can pose long-term risks. “Things like Ring doorbells, Nest cameras, or even Google Home speakers may still be accessible to an ex if the account or device settings were never updated after a breakup.”
What can you do about it?
Monster Ztudio/Shutterstock
If right about now you feel like you’re having that dream where you’re naked in a public space—but the digital version—that’s understandable, but don’t panic. That just means it’s time to start locking down your information.
Meshkov says to start with the basics, which include:- Reviewing and revoking access to shared apps and services.
- Updating your passwords, especially for email and cloud accounts.
- Double-checking your privacy settings, including location sharing and activity visibility.
- Don’t forget to reset any shared smart devices.
- Block or remove anyone you no longer want in your digital space, even if it feels awkward.
Then it’s time to step up your password game, says Criswell. “In any breakup, the most important thing to do is reset all passwords,” and he has some advice on the subject:
Don’t use the same password on different services.
Password phrases are your friend! Stringing together a few random words to make a phrase is far more secure than your standard one-word password. &v&n !f u use $pec!al Ch@r@cters.
While you're at it, check your apps to see if they offer '2FA,' 'MFA,' or 'Multi-Factor Authentication' and set this up. While annoying, MFA is essential for security in that you have to know your password to log in, as well as know the code required for MFA, making it twice as hard for anybody to sneak into your account.
Finally, Criswell says, beware of phishing—because that’s not just something your work’s IT department needs to worry about. “The sneakiest factor to watch for in a breakup is not even a digital threat; be wary of social engineering and phishing as well. While you think it would be easy in the modern age to check a website to see if you may be being stalked, unfortunately that doesn't really exist. It's really easy to pretend to be somebody else though,” warns Criswell, who also offers a list of red flags to be wary about and that could indicate someone is trying to access your information or your identity.
- Watch for signs such as unexpected and unprompted password resets from your various applications.
- Be wary of new and overly curious friends on social media.
- If you are suspicious of a person's actions online, follow your instincts and distance yourself.
- Stop filling out those social media memes we all love where they ask you to list your favorite movies, foods, etc. This is how bad people steal your answers to your security questions!
- Triple-check any messages with links in them to ensure they're coming from somebody you know. This counts for email and texts.
- The block button is your friend!
We get it—that is a lot, and the experts know that, too. “Because we share so much data across platforms, trying to undo everything after a breakup can be overwhelming,” says Meshkov. “The best advice is to minimize your digital exposure from the beginning and be mindful of the privacy settings on every app you use.”
Experts Cited:
Andrey Meshkov, co-founder & CTO of AdGuard
Casey Criswell, Sr Security Engineer with 30 years of experience in IT and Cyber Security
