5 Ways to Stay Body Positive When You’re Suddenly Constantly Looking at It

Despite the body positive mantra, "Every body is a bikini body," actually staying that positive about your body when you’re suddenly constantly looking at it can be more challenging in practice. For me, as the weather heats up, I’m much more aware of my body. As someone who didn’t wear shorts from 12 to 18 because I was too self-conscious, sitting on the bus and looking down at my exposed legs can suddenly bring up way more feelings than anyone should ever have on a bus.

I’m not in the camp of people who think we should be relentlessly positive about our bodies all the time. (To be fair, I’m not in any camp that requires relentless positivity.)  I don’t need to tell myself I’m cute and blow myself a kiss in the mirror every time I leave the house. If that’s what works for you, that’s great. That just isn’t what gets me through the day. Here are 5 things that do:

1) Wear clothes that fit your body and your personality.[iframe https://giphy.com/embed/abpwhbpTdQBGM allowfullscreen="" class=^{{"giphy-embed"}}^ frameborder="0" height="390" width="750"]
It is really hard to be comfortable with your body when you’re wearing shorts that ride up, or that have a giant gap around the waist when you sit down. It’s hard to be confident when you’re afraid your swimsuit is going to fall down every time you dive in. Wear clothes that fit without the need for constant adjustments, and don’t buy a frilly white dress if you would never wear a frilly white dress when there isn’t a heat warning.

2) Focus on the things your body can do instead of how it looks.
Summer should be a time to enjoy outdoor activities instead of limiting what you do because you’re afraid of how you’ll look. If your body can swim, enjoy swimming. If your body can walk, go on a long walk. If your body can knit, knit in the grass at the park. If your body can cook, cook yourself and your friends a picnic. What our bodies can do can change over time, so enjoy what your body can do now.

3) Stop taking in media that gives you negative feelings about your body.
If you know reading some fashion magazines or watching certain TV shows causes you to compare yourself to the very small percentage of body types represented in them, stop consuming that media. There are so many blogs and books you could be reading instead. Sometimes (especially if you're transgender or disabled) there really isn't a lot of media that features people with bodies that look like yours in a positive way. Instead of worrying about how we look, let's create more media that reflects us. 

4) Don’t think of your body as exceptionally gross.
If you’ve ever fallen into the dark Internet hole that is pimple popping videos on YouTube, you know exactly how disgusting bodies can be. But here’s the thing—as much as you may try to convince yourself that your body is the grossest body out there, you are not exceptional. All bodies are kind of disgusting. Miraculous and functional, sure, but still disgusting. Your body doesn’t need to be pretty all the time. It just needs to survive.

5) Stop equating beauty with goodness.
A lot of the body positive rhetoric focuses on this idea that we’re all beautiful in our own way. This carries about as much weight as my mom telling me I’m beautiful; she has to say that because she’s my mom. Most of us do not look like what our society defines as beautiful, and if we do while we’re young we won’t when we’re old. We could spend a lot of time trying to make the definition of beauty inclusive of everyone. Or we could just stop viewing beauty as a kind of holy, good quality.

If you’re not feeling all that enthusiastic about a day at the beach because you’re worried about how you look, don’t stare at yourself in the mirror and say, “You’re beautiful just the way you are.”

Instead, list all the things about you that are more important than the way you look. You’re a good friend. You make really amazing cookies from scratch. You’re a great pet parent. You can play an instrument. You’re learning a new language. You always call your mom when you say you will. Being beautiful is the least important and most temporary thing you can be.