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Can I Get a Witness!?! Lesbians and the Forever Thing...

Can I Get a Witness!?! Lesbians and the Forever Thing...

Stand-up comic and Cherry Bomb costar Gloria Bigelow debates the big lesbian question. Is there really such thing as forever? And if so, is it for her?

Do you believe in a forever kind of "thang?'"

As the crew and I are getting a little older and as we've all kind of made a collective decision to not be the "old lady at the club" this idea of  "a forever" or a "soul mate" or "life partner" has been floating around A LOT.  It's been coming up in all kinds of circles in all kinds of conversations.

I've heard:

"I can't say forever but I can say for a long time."

"I do want a forever kind of thing."

"We just have a kind of connection that seems timeless. We're just connected."

"I'm looking for wifey!"

The other day, I was looking for some sex-me boots in SOHO- I tried on a pair and turned to my friend and said, "whadouyathink?"  To which she responded, "they're great -- I'm thinking more about forever."

To which I responded, "Forever? Girl, please. I'm too hard on shoes.  I'll be lucky if they make it past next fall.  But I think they're a good deal so I'll wear 'em through spring and bring 'em back around September. "Oh, you not talking bout the boots? Shit we're back on that again!?"

At different times in my life, I've weighed in on either side of the forever issue.  

I remember in college having a boyfriend that I was going to marry at 23, download some kids at 25 and 28 respectively and live happily ever after.  Could you imagine the train wreck that forever would have been?  

Imagine me -- and my gay ass -- waking up in the middle of the night shaking after another "bad" lesbian sex dream. Married while secretly planning a lesbian cruise for my straight girlfriends hoping they won't figure it out. A married dyke giving extra long looks to women with short haircuts at the Home Depot while shopping for new fixtures to update that 2nd floor bathroom.  A nightmare -- a hetero nightmare I say!  

That forever -- not so much!

I also remember planning a forever with a woman, a silly but somehow "tasteful" Harlem Renaissance themed wedding OR a weekend wedding at Martha's Vineyard in the fall- yes the vineyard in the fall. Jewel tones, 7pm ceremony and women in suits!  Yes, I say!

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The backlash of a break-up however would have me hurling marriage epithets and truths:

Screw marriage... Screw it I say!!! Marriage smarriage.  That's just another hetero construct that was designed to keep us women folk down. Screw marriage...Screw it I say -- it's about ownership --women as property. Screw 'em! Marriage smarriage. They wanna keep us in line. Well, I'm not getting' in no line!!! Unless it's a line for some sex-me boots on sale in SOHO.

Over some great food, and some even better conversation it came up again.   Against all my better judgment I found myself back in the mix. My marriage cynic and truth sayer were sitting on either side of my shoulders telling me,

"There is no such thing as a forever asshole. Get a grip."

"Are you kidding?  You where engaged for crying out loud and how'd that work out for ya?"

"People die you know. Where's the forever in that missy?"

"You'd have better luck trying to give birth to a rabbit than making a forever."

And then out of my mouth like an emotional, romanticized, runaway freight train I said, " I do want someone to walk life.  I want a witness: a day-to-day witness. I want someone to look forward with-not just to, but with. I believe in a forever."

As soon as I said it, I knew it was who I really was without the truth of the societal construct. At my most basic level I knew that it was what I wanted beyond the failed attempt without my cynic or survivalist --the one that keeps me from running head first into oncoming traffic.  I knew that... I was screwed.


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