Singled Out: New Year's Eve No Resolutions

I have to be brutally honest. I absolutely couldn't care less about New Year's Eve.

Seriously, I do not understand this persistent obsession to have to have some glamorously fabulous plans on every damned evening of December 31 every damned year.

Forgive me if I do not see the value in putting that much pressure on myself to attend some extravagantly exuberant party -- Hollywood style -- just for the sake of reassuring myself as well as my entourage that I am not a loser and do have some kind of a prestigious social status and, quite possibly, an attractively envied life.

Why on earth would I want to be sandwiched in a crowd of agitated bodies, suffocating from the malodorous stench of "aroma BO" scents, certifiably going deaf between the mix of stentorian human screams and obnoxiously loud music, drinking cheap expensive booze with a bunch of meaningless superficial posers and wannabes? That to me is nothing less than my perfect idea of hell.

What an elegant way to christen the beginning of the New Year or the ending of the old one -- which is it by the way? Do we even know what we are celebrating or is it just another justifiable excuse for the ladies to dress like hoochie-mamas, for the boys to let their testosterone spin out of control, and for both genders to commonly get wasted, act fabulously stupid and totally get away with it?

Let's be real, the only thing grandiose and extraordinary about New Year's Eve is the super sonic speed at which your wallet gets royally depleted.

Personally, I think this whole celebration shebang is way overrated and more often than not ends up being just a superb fiasco and a beautiful mess -- kind of like the once upon a time when I was straight era when after doing the deed I would always rush to get home with that disappointing frown on my face and that big question mark above my discombobulated head that would always infallibly say "all this for that?"

I will admit that the reason why this year more, than previous years, I had a certain indisposition in transitioning from 2008 to 2009 was because, to put it mildly, 2008 was fucking amazing. If it were up to me I would have prolonged 08 ad infinitum -- why fix something that isn't broken? Right?

Ironically, 12 months ago I was indeed completely "broken": broken-hearted; nearly financially broke courtesy of the outrageous shopping spree I compulsively indulged in for emotional wellness; physically breaking down dropping a dramatic 10 pounds to reveal an emaciated borderline anorexic version of "moi" as my new fashionably unfashionable signature style; and on a record-breaking four-hour sleep regimen as my new bedtime diet.

As much of a mess as I was, the one thing I was always very clear about was my determination to show the whole world that in spite of it all I was unbreakable -- because certainly, the whole world had nothing else to do but to completely stop turning and worry about me.

I mean how hard can it be to do what you set your mind to? After all, it's the beginning of the New Year and the commencement of this massive enterprise we all fanatically adhered to called RESOLUTIONS.

I was never one to believe in the benefits of meticulously penning down in detail a wish list of things to strive for. I always had a general idea as to what I wanted to accomplish but remained fairly vague in my overall description -- that was until my friend Francisco pointed out the utmost importance of being specific. I guess I should have been specific three years ago when I said that I wanted to meet the woman of my dreams and lose myself in her, because not only did I totally lose myself in her, but in the process, I also totally lost myself.

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The point is that I now see New Year's Eve as the platform not only setting my internal clocks back to zero but as well setting the general tone for the twelve months that lay ahead of me. Accordingly, this year I decided to focus on quality instead of quantity and elected to spend December 31 with my own party of five -- in the company of a small group of meaningful friends and family members. Seriously, I couldn't have asked for a better way to gratefully turn the page on 2008 but surrounded by people who love me for the goofy, childish and royal pain in the ass that I can be....which brings me to my 2009 resolutions.

This year I decided to do what any other mature and responsible adult would do in my shoes and simply not change a thing about me! I am by no means pretending to be perfect but I can't risk jeopardizing my integrity and losing my internal hard drive. Actually this whole "reconnecting with Mona" therapy thing was my super sexy therapist's idea, not mine.  I surely don't need to use New Year's Day as a springboard toward self-improvement. Plus, not to brag, but I don't see what I could possibly change about me.  I have already nailed down all of the basic resolutions -- the so-called usual suspects. I exercise on a daily basis, I am fit, I eat healthy, I spend time with my family, I enjoy life, I love my job, I learn something new every day, I save money, I pay my bills on time, I recycle, I help others, and I am taking matters into my own hands and honing my skill as an avidly dedicated smoker.

What else could I possibly add to my list? I mean for God's Sake I even managed to overcome, with quite an insurmountable amount of distress, my South of Nowhere adulation and finally resigned myself - cold turkey -- to accepting my fate: spending the rest of my life without my fictional girlfriends Ashley and Spencer.  Luckily for me the new season of The L Word is only a few days away and I already set my mind on going back to comfortably resume my drooling sessions for the more age-appropriate adult version of Spashley, namely Miss Flashdance aka Jennifer Beals.

And the cool thing about my LWord Season 6 resolution is that its life expectancy will last a mere 8 weeks, long enough to be totally in synch with the grand tradition -- because while we are all eager to press the restart button on New Year and have every good intention to reboot our whole system for our seemingly reinvented selves to perform better than the year before, we all know that by the end of January the majority of our resolutions become delusions.

At least my resolutions are no illusions. I'm fully aware that I am full of shit and will never stick to the plan, so why even bother? Rather, I find it more objective to go at the core of the issue and extract the real meaning behind the word "resolutions" -- re: solutions.

It's all about trying to be part of the solution rather than the problem, wouldn't you say?

'Cuz they say two thousand zero zero party over
Oops out of time ... so tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1999 - I mean 2009!

Damn it, got to be SPECIFIC, right?

Missed the last Singled Out? Read it here.