5 Catty Things All Lesbians Do

Photo: Thinkstock

Women who like women are supposed to be nice to each other. Except when we’re totally not. When you add secret crushes and a competitive spirit to the mix, then you’ve got a toxic pool of sneering glances and creepy cackles that would make a pantomime villain proud.

Here are the 5 cattiest things that all lesbians do. Yes, including you. And you know it.

1. Tearing Down Fashion Choices –Seeing your new girls’ ex in a bar and immediately sniggering at her ill-fitting accessories. “Oh my god. What the hell does she think she looks like?!” Even though you own exactly the same hat. Cue fashion-off.

2. Hitting On Our Friends Crushes – Come on, we’ve all done it. The minute one of your friends picks someone from the crowd, they become far more appealing. You always want what you can’t have, right? Even if it’s just the lingering look or some seemingly innocent Snapchatting, we’ve all been guilty of flirting with our friends’ crushes behind their backs. 

3. Making Homophobic People Feel Awkward – Personally, when I meet someone who clearly has a hint of homophobia, my little face lights up. I don’t have neck tattoos or a shaved head, so people assume I like men. I adore making them squirm by using phrases like “my partner” or being overly enthusiastic about Ellen Degeneres. In fact, I’ve actually banned my mother from telling family members that I’m gay, because it’s far more fun to tell them myself at weddings. “Hi Nana, I love labia. Want more wine?”

4. Forming Cliques – Because apparently this is still high school and we will always be teenagers. Women love to do this to each other. But come on – we shoot ourselves in the foot by segregating in to cliques. The more lesbians together the better, right? Let's grow up.

5. Stalking Your Boo's Ex – So you’ve got a new girl, and she’s amazing. What’s the first thing you do? Buy her flowers? Learn about her likes and fears so that you may better seduce her in to becoming your wife? Plan how many cats you’ll get together? No. You find her ex on Facebook and flick through her pictures, captioning her face with derogatory terms in your head. “What Is She Wearing?” or “God, she’s so tacky." Because it makes us feel better.

Cattiness is toxic and must stop. So please, repeat after me: “I will not be catty for no reason." Now try to stick by it. Or at least stop doing it in public. If you must be catty, do it in private where no one can see or just ignore it.