Bisexuals are constantly being forced to “prove” and justify their identities and endlessly oversexualized. Nobody gets this worse than bi “virgins”…
1. “So how do you know, then?”
You know how infuriating it is when people say this to gay virgins, because nobody ever says it to straight virgins… Try it when you've admitted and acted upon a desire for one gender but also feel attraction to more than just that gender. Society ain't listening, it's made its decision. Nightmare.
2. “You’re not bi until you’ve actually slept with more than one gender.”
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No, “try before you bi” is not a thing.
3. “Can’t you just go out and get it over with?”
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Being bisexual doesn't mean you have the choice to either sleep with more than one gender as soon as possible or drop dead.
4. “Doesn’t it upset you that now you’re married to a guy you might never get to be with a woman?”
Um… If you've entered a monogamous marriage and you're in love, chances are you're probably pretty happy with that. It's no different for bis. Also: happy and consensual polyamory within marriage is, like, a thing. So this is a really presumptuous statement.
5. “Isn’t your girlfriend worried that you’ll cheat because the curiosity gets too much?”
Bisexuality isn't about being desperate to get at anyone, just anyone (“Is that a mannequin or a real woman? I don't care right now, lemme at her!”) of a different gender to the one you're with or have been with. And even if curiosity does occur – which is entirely natural - it doesn't necessarily mean it will make a bi virgin leave a loving and happy relationship.
6. “Maybe you’re not bi, you just think you are.”
Maybe you're not gay, you just think you are. OMG - what if you just think you're straight and it's all an illusion? WHAT IF WHAT YOU FEEL ISN'T WHAT YOU REALLY FEEL? Come on. No. Logic. Here.
7. “You’re just saying it to be cool.”
It might be fleetingly cool if you're a 15-year-old emo kid on Tumblr or an attention-starved celeb desperately looking for some extra column inches. A lot of the time, though, in real day-to-day life, it's actually a big pain in the butt being bi. Rejected by the gay community, rejected by the straight community, perceived as being confused, greedy, unable to commit, etc etc.
8. “Why do you even need to tell people if you’re not active?”
The same reason other people still identify as straight or gay when their only regular bedfellows are Netflix, ice cream and the cat. If you're bi, you're bi – whoever you're with... and whoever you're not with.
9. “You’re an insult to real bisexuals.”
Really? Have you asked one? Really?
10. “Did your boyfriend make you say that?”
Yeah, well - some girls do tell their guys they dig girls just to turn them on. But it's a small minority. And genuine bisexuals get really hacked off by them.
(A shorter version of this post was originally published on bi women's website
Biscuit)
